14
Charlotte could only keep up her ruse of being sick for so long before others would start to worry, so after her first day in bed, she abandoned it, though she had yet to return to dinner with Cameron. In fact, she had continued to go out of her way to avoid him entirely. She would send Elizabeth to fetch books for her rather than brave the library herself, dreading the idea of running into him.
Not for the first time that week, Charlotte said a silent prayer of gratitude that her chambers were so large and included a sitting room as that was where she spent the majority of her days. She had managed to finish two embroidery projects as well as send her father another letter, detailing the grounds and answering his never-ending questions.
Her only complaint was the near constant presence of Alec.
Once he had discovered that she had taken to her room and was refusing to come out, he took it as an open invitation to make himself at home with her. In a rare show of discretion, he would wait until Elizabeth had been sent away for the morning and then he would sneak in, never so much as bothering to ask if Charlotte wanted the company.
There had once been a time in her life when that was all she wanted. She would daydream about what life would be like had she had the chance to spend all of her time with Alec. But the reality of it looked a lot different than her dreams. He was suffocating her, never giving her a moment of peace. If he wasn’t in her chambers, then Elizabeth or some other maid was, tending to her and asking her a slew of questions.
All she wanted was time to think. She needed space to work through everything that had happened. She needed to figure out a way to make things right with Cameron and she had the sneaking suspicion that the only way to do that was to send Alec away. But with him hanging over her shoulder constantly, she didn’t have the space to find the words to tell him their affair had to end. She didn’t have the chance to even consider the best way to go about things. And today looked to be no different.
“Good mornin’, lass,” Alec greeted cheerfully as he strode into her sitting room, not bothering to knock.
“Morning,” she replied curtly.
She kept her head tucked into her book, not interested in making conversation with him. She hoped that if she seemed interested enough in the story that he would take the hint. But when Alec crossed the room and sat beside her, she knew he hadn’t. She swallowed a pained sigh.
“Seems like someone did nae sleep verra well last night,” he jeered. “Are ye still feelin’ poorly?”
“I am fine, Alec. I only wish to read my book.”
Again, Alec ignored what she was trying to say as politely as possible. Instead, he snatched the book from her hands and shut it, losing her place. She grit her teeth in frustration as she watched him scan the cover.
“Ye and yer books, Charlotte. I swear it’s like they make ye forget that I am sittin’ right next to ye.”
If only it were that easy,she thought wryly.
“I have nae forgotten,” she told him through clenched teeth, “but I was enjoying that and would like to continue.”
He scoffed and rolled his eyes before tossing the book on the table in front of them.
“Surely ye dinnae mean to tell me that ye enjoy whatever is on those pages more than ye do spending time with me.”
She didn’t answer, hesitating as she tried to find the best way to respond to the accusation. He narrowed his eyes at her silence.
“What is goin’ on wit’ ye, Charlotte?” he demanded. “I ken it is nae that Laird who is botherin’ ye—ye have nae left yer chambers all week. Yet, all of a sudden ye have nae interest in anything but yer books and yer sewin’. Are ye really goin’ to tell me that yer life is that miserable? That things are so difficult for ye that ye cannae bother to hold a conversation with the man who loves ye most in the world? Need I remind ye that yer life here is verra comfortable? I ken women who would kill to have rooms like this and the luxury of bein’ able to read for pleasure, yet ye act as though it was some great chore. So tell me, what is yer problem?”
She could have sworn she felt steam coming out of her ears. It was almost impossible to believe that he could be so obtuse, and yet the words just kept pouring out of his mouth. The accusations and judgment and everything else he said sent her right over the edge.
“My problem is ye!” she exploded. “My problems is that I cannae so much as spend half an hour in silence without ye pestering me, demanding my attention. Ye think that because we have nae been caught that ye can come into my rooms whenever ye want without any consideration as to what I wish. What if I wished to bathe or rest or do anything on my own? I cannae because ye take it all as a personal affront that I might want some time to myself. My life may nae be filled with washing laundry and scrubbing floors, but it has its challenges all the same and I dinnae appreciate ye belittling them every chance ye get.”
Her chest heaved as she all but shouted the last word. His eyes were wide as he took her in, neither of them used to her raising her voice or even voicing her opinion. But she couldn’t hold it in any longer. She couldn’t keep living so trapped by his presence, regardless of how he reacted.
“Och, Charlotte. I did nae ken ye were feelin’ this way. Ye could have just told me, ye did nae need to shout.”
His response only made her want to scream louder. She settled for getting off the sofa and moving to stand in front of the window, keeping her eyes focused on the rolling hills outside.
“I can feel ye slippin’ away from me,” he whispered. “It started the moment ye found out yer father was sendin’ ye here. I thought that if I could go wit’ ye, if I was around, ye would nae forget me, and I would nae lose ye. But then that Laird set his charms on ye and ye have nae been the same since. Ye have changed, lass.”
This time, she didn’t bother holding back her sigh. She didn’t know why she expected anything else from him. Of course, it had to be her fault. It was always her fault. He was never the one to blame because all of his actions were done out of love. She could hear the words before he had even said them.
“I only wanted to spend time wit’ ye because I love ye, Charlotte. I thought perhaps ye were hidin’ out in yer chambers so that we could spend more time together. For the first time, I have been able to sit beside ye on a sofa and hold ye in front of a fire. We are nae havin’ to sneak around the stables or hide out in the gardens in the freezin’ cold. Forgive me for thinkin’ that ye would want to enjoy this as much as I did.”
She turned, her protest forming on her lips. But the words died as she saw he had risen from the sofa and was walking towards the door.
“Dinnae say anythin’,” he told her. “I dinnae wish to fight wit’ ye so I will go. If it is space ye require, then I will do my best to give it. I cannae promise that I will nae miss ye or that I will nae long for the day that ye seek me out. But I will keep my distance if ye think that would be best. It is clear that ye are nae yerself and I think some time to clear yer head will do ye some good. Perhaps ye can ask Elizabeth to go to a healer for some herbs to calm these fits.”
