“I hope for what any man does,” he said with a shrug. “More land. Bairns. Strapping boys to carry me own name. A life which gives honor and reason to celebrate.”
Nowhere was she in this picture unless one counted her as necessary to provide the bairns. Somewhat disgruntled and maybe a little disillusioned, she suggested he show her the castle gardens, hoping for more interest on his part if they were perhaps a little nearer to more romantic surroundings than standing near quite so many racks of swords and piles of armor.
Thankfully, he seemed interested enough in this. Maybe his eyebrows raised a bit when she made the suggestion, but he certainly was paying her more attention as they stepped outside into the evening chill to walk among the plants until they found a bench to sit upon. Erica tilted her head to gaze up at the stars, enjoying the quiet between him.
He took this opportunity to draw her into his arms and kiss her.
It should have been wonderful. This man would be her husband soon. But the fumbling of his hands upon her arms, the way he pressed his mouth upon hers until her lips were bashed into her teeth, gave very little pleasure. Erica drew back, only just resisting the urge to rub at her bruised lips.
This was confusing to her. Her body had a quite different reaction to Finn. Here she was with this quite handsome man whom she would wed in a matter of days, and if anything, she had such a strong desire to recoil that she quite didn’t know what to say.
“Er…”
“Caught ye by surprise, did I?” he asked, and reached for her. “No need to be shy. No one will see us, and even if they did, they would not be minding it. We are to be married soon enough.”
And he tried to kiss her again.
Erica panicked. She didn’t like his kisses, nor was she enjoying his pawing over her like this. She twisted, turning her head so his lips landed somewhere near her ear.
“Wait. Ye have asked me nothing about myself!” she protested. “Ye know nothing of me!”
He stared at her in confusion. “Ye will be my wife. What more is there?”
Hopes? Dreams? She’d tried that tactic already. Clearly, he cared nothing for who she had been up until this moment. Maybe those things weren’t as important as she thought. Her married life would begin here. In a sense, she was starting over. This could be a good thing, really. It was not often one received an opportunity to just be who they were without having to explain themselves. To create herself in this place could be a good thing.
Right?
Oddly enough, she still felt cold all the way down to her bones. She shivered, and this at least was something her betrothed saw and could respond to.
“Poor wee thing,” he said, putting an arm around her. “It is too chilly here. Let us retire for the night and warm ourselves properly.”
She walked with him almost all the way back to the castle when it occurred to her just what he was saying.
“Jamie?” she asked, stopping short of going in with him.
“Aye?”
In the light from the open door, she saw the heavy-lidded look in his eyes. She considered the clumsy kiss, his hands upon her arms, rough and clumsy. The man was clearly well into his cups. Exactly as Finn had warned her.
“I think…until the wedding…it would be best if I went to bed alone,” she said finally.
He stared at her for a long moment, his face darkening, taking on a sullen look.
“For the sake of the priest,” she said, for she had been introduced to the man at dinner.
“Aye…” he said slowly. “’Twould be an annoyance. The auld fool would make trouble if he could.” He nodded firmly. “Well, good night then.”
With that, he disappeared through the castle door, shouting for ale and cheering when someone brought it to him.
Erica didn’t follow him in. Instead, she stood a long time in the semi-darkness of the garden, wandering among the bushes and occasionally glancing up at the stars. On the walls above her walked the men who guarded the castle. She was safe here and had no fear.
All the same, her heart within her quailed, and for the first time since arriving, she wondered if she had made a terrible mistake.
