"Yeah, I made a lot of changes over the years…you know, trying to be my best self and all that." She smiled and put the glass in the sink. When she turned back around, she held Rosa's gaze again. "There's a lot about me that's different now, Rosa." She shrugged. "I dunno, maybe you might even like me better now."
"I liked you perfectly fine before," Rosa said before she could stop herself.
Billy nodded. "I was a mess back then, even before I fell apart." She laughed. "Maybe that was the attraction."
"It was not," Rosa said firmly, almost standing up from her seat.
"No, it wasn't. I'm sorry, that was crass." She placed her forearms on the island and leant forward. "I'm just saying that…it might be nice if we found a way to get past the hurt we caused each other—"
"Each other?" Rosa shrieked.
"Yes. I know I played a big part in the hurt, but it wasn't all one way, Rosa."
Rosa stood up, took her cup to the sink, and ran the tap to rinse it. "I think we have very different memories of that time."
"Probably, yes," Billy decided.
Rosa paused any further rebuke, thrown by the easy agreement, allowing Billy to continue.
"Everybody has their own perspective of a situation—what happened from their point of view and how it affected them and their life at the time. I didn't take into consideration how much my issues affected you and Imogen. For a long time after I left, it was all about me. It had to be in order for me to work through it and process what’d been going on for me back then."
Rosa shook the water from her hands and picked up the tea towel, listening, but staying silent.
"But once I'd done that, there was space for me to look at the wider picture, to see the effects on you and Imogen…to make reparations. And maybe I've not done enough of that over the years…maybe there could be more, but…honestly?" She held Rosa's gaze. "You shut me down anytime I try and that's… It's difficult."
"I don't shut you down," Rosa said, crossing her arms and pouting. They continued to stare, almost glaring at one another, until Rosa understood the effect of what she’d just said. "I just shut you down, didn't I?"
Billy smiled sadly. "Yeah. And I get it. What happened wasn't fun for you. It rocked your world, and I thinkyouthink I was off having all that fun and rocking my world…but it wasn't like that."
Rosa nodded slowly. "Maybe it is time we talked. But not now, not here…this is Imogen's moment, not ours. We've waited sixteen years. We can handle waiting another week."
"I think that makes a lot of sense. And I want you to know that…this isn't about blame. Neither of us are entirely to blame for what happened. Just acknowledging our choices and behaviours might explain a few things rather than having them as constant questions we never had answers for?"
"I certainly have a fair amount of those," Rosa admitted, her arms falling to her side as she exhaled. "When we get home, we'll talk, but today…" She took a deep breath and released it slowly. "Your mother has spa plans."
"Did you pack a swimming costume?"
"Of course I didn't. I packed for snow and cold, not a beach." Rosa grinned. "I'm sure they will sell them at the spa."
Billy's gaze lingered on Rosa's face. "It's good to see you smiling."
Chapter eleven
The spa, Rosa had to admit, was unbelievable. From the outside, the building looked like an oversized cabin, with neon signs advertising beer and Aperol Spritz. Chalkboards had price lists for burgers and sandwiches and dishes she had no clue about. Around to the side was a separate entrance that led to the bar. Nobody would imagine it housed a spa at all.
It smelt like any other spa she'd visited, not that there were many. Spas were a treat—an expensive treat—that over the years Rosa hadn't had the finances to enjoy.
Imogen came first, always.
Money for football camps and boots she outgrew every season. Skiing lessons before the big school journey that cost an absolute fortune. Piano lessons, guitar lessons—every spare penny Rosa earned went on making sure Imogen had the best of her opportunities.
But there had been the few occasions when she and Tanya had found a deal on Groupon and splurged a little for themselves.
Now, with Billy splitting the costs of some things, her financial situation had eased a little, but she still couldn't quite get out of the habit of feeling poor.
"Thirty-five euros for a swimming costume?" She almost fainted. She had a perfectly good costume at home she'd picked up from Tesco in the sales for less than a tenner.
"It is a tad expensive," Billy agreed. "I don't want to step on toes, but if you need me to pay…I can. I appreciate you didn't budget for Mum's…planning."
