Not that my wishes have come true, either. But I haven’t lived long enough for that failure to destroy me.
“So what you’re saying,” I venture, “is that you hate me because I make you feel something? After you’ve spent centuries teaching yourself not to?”
His eyes harden. “That’s not what I said at all.” But his mouth twitches, betraying him.
My hands curl at my sides, a defensive measure. If I don’t hold on to myself, I might reach for him, and that would be a disaster.
“What did you used to wish for?” Mywhisper floats through the dark, twining toward him in lieu of my fingers. “When you came up here and looked at the stars?”
His eyes narrow. “What do you care?”
“Just tell me.”
His jaw tightens. “It doesn’t matter.”
“It does.”
“Itdoesn’t.” He bares his teeth. “I never got to have it. I still can’t.”
My chin lifts. “Then if it’s really so meaningless, tell me what it was.” I don’t know why I care so much, only that he must have had a heart, once—I’m sure of it, now. He can smother its fire, dampen it with drink, but he can’t extinguish it completely. If I pressed my hand to his chest right now, I would feel the faint glow of buried embers, starving for air but still clinging to life.
“No,” he bites out.
I study his face. Goddess, my entire being bends toward him, his hold on me magnetic. But if he won’t talk to me, I refuse to feed this ache in my veins for another moment.
“You know what?” I toss back. “Fine. Don’t tell me. Goodnight.”
I spin away before I can succumb to his pull. I make for the door, dodging the telescopes along the way. They stand like sentinels, their brass trimmings gleaming faintly.
“Wait.” Amriel hurls the word at my retreating back. “You can’t justleave.”
I don’t answer.
His voice dives to a growl. “I saidstop.”
My stride falters, my body momentarily bending to his command, but I shuttle every last ounce of will into driving myself forward. “No.”
“Donotturn your back on me,” he warns.
“Or what?” I fling over my shoulder, because he’s not the Shadow. He won’t take chase.
But footsteps sound behind me, proving me wrong. I up my pace, diving for the door and yanking it open.
Amriel has already caught up. His hand hits the wood and pushes, slamming the door shut again. His enormous body presses against my back, hemming me in.
“Let me out,” I say, matching his growl.
“No.”
I spin, only to find myself caged by his size, by the arm still pinning the door shut. “Why not?”
“Because,” he spits. “Because…”
I lift an eyebrow in challenge. He stares down, his chest heaving, his eyes sharp with anger and…something else. Something that steals the breath from my lungs. Something raw and painful and utterly defenseless.
“Tell me what you wished for,” I say, my voice pitched low. “Or I swear to Ishanna, I’ll walk out this door and never speak to you again.”
He flinches.
