Completion—the thing we all strive for. For me, that has always meant Ishanna’s favor. My Grace.
Yet those things have always evaded me, too.
“That must be nice,” I mumble.
“It’severything.” She laughs again. “But why am I telling you? You know. You have a mate bond, too.”
My throat works around a swallow. “Yes, but it doesn’t feel that way for me. At all.”
She nods, her expression sobering. “Right. I’d heard that, actually. That humans don’t experience the bond like we do, at least not in the beginning. It takes time for your senses to develop. But once they do…well.” She winks. “You’re in for a treat. You don’t know what your body is capable of until you’ve been loved by someone you share a mate bond with.”
I choke on thin air, then tear my gaze downward, unwilling to let my thoughts stray down the path she’s laid out. “Maybe, but I’m never going to do that. Not with Amriel, or the Shadow, or anyone. Once this is over, I’m going back to Aethrolia. I’m going to become a priestess.”
“A priestess?” Confusion saturates her voice. “Which means…what? You can’t have sex?”
I spread my hands against the vanity, as if I can press down the warmth churning in my belly. “Yes. Well, sort of. Priestesses don’thaveto be virgins, but once they take the vows, they swear themselves to chastity. So they might as well be, after that.”
“Oh. Hmm. I see.”
When I look up again, she’s fighting a smile. “What?” I say, wary.
She finishes off one braid and starts on another. “Nothing. Except that I think you should find out what you’d be missing. What you’d be giving up.”
“I don’t need to,” I retort, harsher than intended. “If I make it through the labyrinth, I’m going home. And I’m never coming back here.”
“Oh. All right.” Her tone is soothing, but I can’t shake the sense that she’s placating me. “Forget I said anything, then.”
I press my fingers into the vanity. The lacquered wood feels cool beneath my fingers, draining some of the heat zinging through my bloodstream.
It’s anger, of course. Not at Ravenna, but at the suggestion that, inClaiming me, Amriel may have endangered not only my life, but my purity.
And yet I can’t say with certainty that I trust myself to protect it. Not entirely. A week ago, I’d have considered myself infallible, but now…
I breathe and breathe and breathe. Shove every last molecule of resentment and foreboding into a locked box, then throw away the key.
Ravenna weaves another plait, then two more. She twines all four together, forming a long rope that hangs down my back. When she reaches the bottom, she tugs. “I could trim the ends for you, you know. They’re all split, but there’s a pair of scissors, here in the draw?—”
I jerk my braid from her grip, cradling it defensively. “No!”
She freezes, her hand outstretched.
“Sorry. I just…” I force my grip on my braid to loosen. “I can’t cut it. Long hair is part of being a priestess.”
She frowns. “Aethrolian priestesses can’t cut their hair?”
I force air into my lungs. “No. And I know I haven’t officially become one yet, but my hair is a…promise. To myself, and to Ishanna. That someday, I’ll take the vows.”
“Oh.” She pulls away from the vanity. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize.”
“It’s okay,” I breathe. “I just can’t cut my hair. I need it. I needsomethingto hold on to.” And right now, my hair feels like my last tether to Aethrolia. To home.
Ravenna’s eyes soften. “Of course. I won’t bring it up again.”
I relax. “Thank you. For understanding.”
“Sure,” she says. Then, when I don’t respond, “Well, I guess I should go.”
The words sit strangely between us. To my surprise, I don’t want her to leave just yet, but I don’t know how to smooth over the awkwardness I just created, so I nod.
