A muttered curse escapes him as he turns away, the great lines of his back bunching beneath his armor. “I should’ve stayed, shouldn’t I? At dinner. I’ll kill Amriel for letting them have dessert right in front of you.”
“Kill him?” A tired scoff drops from my lips. “Somehow, I think that’s exactly what he wants.”
The Shadow pauses, turns back. “You caught that?”
“Of course. He asked you to stab him through the heart at dinner. It wasn’t exactly subtle.”
He pinches between his eyebrows and sighs. “He wasn’t always like this, you know. He wasn’t always so broken.”
I think back to my conversation with Calen in the hallway, just before the Claiming. “But he is now, because of…what? His curse?”
“Yes.”
“And whatisthis curse, exactly?”
The Shadow shoots me a sidelong glance before approaching the bathtub and staring down. He dips a hand in, absently. Bioluminescence clings to his skin, which he inspects for a moment before wiping away. “The curse affects so much. The Wildwood, the hourglass, everything. For Amriel, it means pain. Physical pain, all the time. His is a kind of pain I can’t really explain, because it’s outside the limits of human experience, but think of your body being bent out of shape. A shoulder torn from its joint, maybe, or a hip. It’s the kind of all-consuming agony that won’t let him think about anything else. Except for Amriel, it’s his whole self, all the time, and he can’t do anything to fix it. All he can do is endure.”
A pang of sympathy twists inside me, but I snuff it from existence. I refuse to feel sorry for someone who stole me from my family, who has no qualms about sending me into a lethal forest for the sake of his cause.
“All this suffering has made him angry,” the Shadow rumbles. “It’s made himmean. And lately, these past few years, it’s made him despair. We’ve had to wait so long for you, Princess. Two centuries without our mate, and with every failed Claiming, another piece of Amriel died.After that last one, twenty-five years ago, when youstillweren’t there, he wanted to end it. He asked me to do it for him.”
That lands heavily, enough that I step backward. Thankfully, the Shadow is so absorbed in his study of the pool that he doesn’t notice.
“It took every ounce of persuasion I had,” he continues, “but I convinced him to try again. Just one more twenty-five-year wait. One last Claiming. No one else knows it, but if you hadn’t been there this time…” He trails off, his claws flexing at his sides. “I would’ve had a very difficult decision to make.”
“Would you have done it?” I whisper. “Would you have killed him, like he wanted?”
He regards the pool in silence. The shimmering water throws squiggles of light across his face, accentuating the purple patterns along his temples and cheeks. “I don’t know. Maybe.”
I digest that. “But why’d he ask you again tonight? Shouldn’t he have hope now? If I can break the curse?”
The Shadow grimaces, then tries to mask it by turning his head.
But I’ve already seen. And I have no trouble deciphering the bitter twist of his mouth or the tic of his jaw.
“He doesn’t think I can do it, does he? He thinks I’ll fail. And if I don’t break that hourglass…no one can.”
The Shadow’s eyes sweep shut for long moments. When he finishes processing his private thoughts, he turns to me, his look solemn. “Amriel’s so blinded by his pain that he’ll do anything to escape it.Anything. Including sending his own mate into the Wildwood. But no, he doesn’t expect you to survive. And if you go in there, there’s a very good chance you won’t. Which is why you should stay here, Princess. For your own sake, but maybe for Amriel’s, too. Because he could learn tolivewith his curse, if you could just show him a life beyond misery. If he could smell you, touch you, lose himself in something other than agony, for once…”
His voice breaks, and it hits me. Hecares. Deeply. The Shadow loves his twin and doesn’t want to lose him, and now his anguish sneaks into me, seeping into my lungs, twining insistent fingers between my ribs.
I purse my lips, trying to dispel the sensation, but the ghost of this unwanted compassion lingers, pressingits fingerprints into my soul.
Goddess, no one should have to live like that, trapped in an unbearable prison they can’t escape. Maybe not even Amriel.
Still…
“I can’t stay here,” I say quietly, as if softening the words might soften their blow. “My home is in Aethrolia. If the Wildwood is my only chance at getting back there, then I have to take it. I have totry.”
The Shadow hunches into himself, his shoulders pulling toward his ears. “You say that, but you don’t know how dangerous it is out there. The curse extends far beyond Amriel, beyond this castle. The forest will try to stop you. It’ll send things to hunt you. Some worse than others.Muchworse.”
Fear throttles my airway, but I breathe around the tightness. That may be true, but I can’t turn my back on my home. Not without turning my back on my goddess, my family, my entire way of life.Myself.
No, by bringing me here, Amriel has only forced me to cling more tightly to the future I’ve chosen. Running the Wildwood might represent the biggest test of my faith so far, but I intend to prove myself. To do as Ishanna says, and cleave to her in times of hardship. After all, it’s gotten me this far.
“Adversity is the crucible in which devotion is forged,” I murmur.
The Shadow clears his throat. “What?”
