A bitter snort snuck out of him. “Would you actually care, if it was?”
Well, shit. He hadn’t meant to say that, but the words fell heavily and sat there, like a lobbed bomb he now had no choice but to watch explode.
“Sorry,” he finally said. “I didn’t mean—”
“No, it’s fine. You have every right to ask me that.”
He froze, wondering if he’d misheard. They’d never spoken about their relationship candidly. Or at all, really. Tansy was unfailingly practical and never talked about feelings. Even the decision to separate had been businesslike, a transactional exchange of emotionless facts.
At least for her. For him, it had been a knife slipped expertly between his ribs. Not because he’d lost her, but because the end of their marriage had confirmed the death of the thing he’d wanted so badly. The thing he’d broken Aubrey’s heart for. The thing he’d broken hisownheart for.
Family.
He pushed a chunk of lasagna around on his plate. “Sorry. That was a shitty thing to say.”
Tansy let out a long exhale. “Not really. Look, I know our life isn’t what you pictured. It’s not what I pictured, either. You know if it wasn’t for Paige, I wouldn’t have chosen you. And you definitely wouldn’t have chosen me.”
He startled, his head jerking back. She’d said it just like that. As if it were self-evident. Which it was.
Still.
“I also know you had a different plan when we met,” she continued. “One that involved Aubrey. And I know you’ve kept her letter, all these years. I know you still read it, too.”
His fork clattered to the table, his fingertips numb.
“The thing is, Nick, I don’t care if you’re still in love with her. All I’ve ever cared about is Paige.”
He groped for a response and came up empty.
“So if Aubrey MacLean is back in Henderson, my only question is, what does that mean for us? For ourdaughter?”
He wondered if he was having a stroke. Was this how people felt right before their brains shriveled up and died? “Nothing. It means nothing.”
“Come on.” Tansy’s nose wrinkled. Nick had the dizzying sense that he’d disappointed her, somehow. “Be realistic. You’re not going to let it go, just like that.”
The room’s air thinned, too insubstantial to support his fumbling lungs. Of course he wouldn’t let it go. He’d obsess over it. Lose sleep. But that didn’t change the fact that Aubrey hated him, even after all these years.
“If you try to stay away from her, you’ll only fixate more.” Tansy’s mouth tightened. “And I don’t think I can handle evenmorebrooding around here. I’ve just about reached my limit as it is.”
“What?” he huffed. “I don’tbrood.”
Her look turned reproachful. “What do you actuallywantto happen? With her? Be honest.”
He went still. Fuck. So many things.Everything.To go to Aubrey and beg her forgiveness. To write her love letters until his fingers bled, to confess the endless times he’d dreamed of her over the years and wished he could rewrite history.
Tansy’s fingernails drummed against the table. Nick searched her face for some kind of clue as to what she wanted, but it felt like trying to see underwater. Everything looked blurry, and he couldn’t manage to catch his breath.
So he simply gave the rawest, truest answer he could. “I want to go see her. Right now. Even if she tells me to fuck off, I just... need to make sure she’s okay.”
Tansy sat back, looking almost satisfied. “Okay. Then go. As long as you come back.”
“Come back? Why wouldn’t I come back?”
“I don’t mean tonight,” she said matter-of-factly. “I just mean if you stay, you come home tomorrow. And the day after that. Don’t get carried away.”
He stared, his mind spinning. The idea that Aubrey would do anything besides slam the door in his face was laughable.
But Tansy apparently disagreed, because her gaze was level. “Paige needs her dad, and this family needs a provider. But you have to get your needs met somehow.”
