“He’sJohn? MontanaBirder81?”
“Yep.”
“You’re Jane?”
“’Fraid so.”
He unstitched his hand from hers and clenched it around the wheel. The tendons of his hand stood out like blades. “That motherfucker. That absolute motherfucker. Now I have to kill him twice.”
“Twice? Why twice?”
He shook his head, his jaw hardening. “Forget it. I just... Did he use those letters to get you to... Did you... Fuck, I have no right to ask, but—”
“No,” she said quickly. “No, thank god. I figured it out before it got that far. You’re the only person I’ve been with in months.Manymonths. Close to a year, actually.”
That calmed him some, but he still gripped the wheel like he wanted to rip it into halves. “I never would’ve written those letters if I’d known. Jesus, I never should have, anyway. I just didn’t think it would turn out the way it did. I thought I’d be helping someone. The only reason I even came up with that stupid idea was because Paige had this internship thing—”
“It’s okay. You don’t have to explain. I read the emails. I know you didn’t know.”
He ground his teeth so hard they creaked. “That’s not an excuse.”
The rest of the drive passed in silence. When Nick parked in her cul-de-sac, she hesitated, not wanting to get out. They would have to part before morning, but she couldn’t bear it just yet.
“Why don’t you come inside?” she said.
He stared at her, an inferno raging behind his eyes.
She chewed her lip. “Youdostill owe me number four.”
“What, you want me like this?” His look only burned hotter. “All pissed off?”
A flutter came to life between her thighs. “God, yes.”
“Well.” He killed the engine and tore the keys from the ignition. “I won’t argue with that.”
He followed her into the house, a brooding wall of muscle and sinew. She’d barely gotten a fire going in the living room before he stripped them both naked, hoisted her against the wall, and wrapped her legs around his waist. Her vertebrae pushed indents into the plaster.
Heat and anticipation rocketed through her, bringing all her sated nerve endings to life again. She cradled the back of his silky head, studying the way the firelight caressed his angular features. She would miss him, come tomorrow. She would miss him every second for two years.
“I want to have you right here,” he said.
“Then take me.” She mustered a crooked smile. “Wallshavekind of always been our thing.”
“You’rekind of my thing.” He tilted his head and set his teeth against her throat, the same way he had weeks ago, only this time, the bite turned into a long, bone-melting kiss that made Aubrey splay her hands against the backs of his shoulders. When he looked up again, his gaze had sharpened to laserlike intensity.
“But this time,” he said, “Iamgoing to fuck you.”
She closed her eyes and tipped her head back, pressing the button inside her mind that would allow her to record every detail in the most permanent section of her memory. She would replay this, over and over, until she held him again. Unless, of course, the worst happened andhemet someone in the next two years. But she couldn’t think about that right now, didn’t want to.
“For the love of god,” she said. “Please do.”
36.
As November gave way to December, the skies over Henderson turned as gray as steel.
Six mornings a week, Nick drove to work and prayed for a sliver of sunshine, for some spot of color to open up, but winter had gripped Indiana in earnest. It had gripped him, too. Whenever he turned his attention inward, he confronted a bleak, cold storm even the blast furnaces couldn’t thaw.
Because Aubrey was gone. Tansy hardly spoke to him anymore. Even Paige, who’d reclaimed her sunniness inch by inch in the past few weeks, hadn’t once brought up the elephantine truth that weighed on him day in and day out. She came and went, kissed his cheek and teased him with bad puns, but a wall had risen between them he couldn’t seem to scale. And every time he considered hashing it out with her, his stomach shrank to a queasy pebble.
