?She’s already watching me.
?It makes my heart trip.
?Her fox mask pointed up, but I can feel her eyes. I can feel herredeyes. There’s a subtle difference between her watching you with her auraless pink eyes and her true red ones. A weight in her stare that feels like something greater is observing. Something older than just a nineteen-year-old.
?There’s no one else in the room aside from us. Music curated from the walls of this room the only company.
?For a split moment I contemplate what Darian said about what she wants. She entered this game knowingeveryconsequence. She accepted the risks and told Darian her safe word in the events she was caught. She wanted the actions Varian began. That had been very obvious when I walked into that room and it was drenched in sex. Even if Varian didn’t fuck her.
?Does she want to be fucked?
?Clearly Darian hasn’t either, though he does prefer oral transgressions. Whatever they’ve been doing, whatever he’s been helping her with, I’m sure it’s along those lines.
?Is she trying to overcome her trauma? Is that what Darian has been helping her with? A type of exposure therapy where he looks like her abuser and eats her out?
?Except some sort of physical pain has to go along with it.
?I pull my shadows and the scent of copper and ozone spikes as I shadow twist to her. Appearing directly behind her.
?I watch her shoulders tense when she realizes I’m behind her, but she doesn’t turn around. If I touch her, all that remains is Callahan and Castiel needing to touch her and then she loses the game.
?I wonder if she would let me touch her?
?My soul pulls with a sharp tug and I oblige by stepping up right behind her. When I inhale my chest brushes against her back. She consumes my lungs and I bow my head so I can bury my nose into her hair.
?My body moves without my consent as I inhale her deeply while wrapping my arms around her waist. I tug her back to my chest and dig my fingers into the fabric of her dress wishing it was her skin.
?My shadows leave me as I have them seal off all the points of entry and exit. Locking the rest of the world away as I pull her closer. So close, but not enough. I want every part of her. Selfishly, knowing that she hates me or at least will hate me, knowing that the likelihood of her ever wanting me is closer to none, but I want to be hers.
?Souls fused, minds entwined, bodies tangled.
?“Please,” I beg.
?For what. . . ? I don’t know.
?I’m praying to divinity who doesn’t know she already owns my belief.
?“Mavyn,” I whisper. It sounds like reverence.
?“I’m not a god.”
?She says it on a breath, her own kind of plea.
?Gripping her waist, I force her to turn and face me. Red eyes which I can’t see look up at me, and they follow me down as I lower myself to my knees.
?“Good,” I enforce, “because the gods have never answered me and you are the only religion I wish to believe in.”
?It’s fact. Truth. Varian would be able to hear it from my soul.
?She is my only belief.
?It’s only right. Me on my knees before her. I just wish I knew what she was thinking. I wish I could see her face, her eyes, her soul. Just like with Varian, Callahan, and Castiel I have not seen her soul. Can’t. No matter how long I hold eye contact or how much I bare myself to her.
?But if she wishes to stay just like this until that bell rings twenty-four times, then I will stay just like this. Let my shadows prevent anyone from entering and let her win the wish for this game. As long as my hands are able to stay on her waist like this and she continues to look down at me with those red eyes.
?I want to see her red eyes.
?Her head jerks as she shakes it. “I – I can’t – “ Her voice wobbles as she takes half a step back, but her hands cling to my wrists. “You deserve better.”
