?I shake my head. “That only works if you have a spirit and set morality. Not all races are tied to set morals – “
?“I’m not asking about other races,” he interrupts.
?I snap my mouth closed and look away from him off to the side. A whispering voice floats in the back of my mind and for once I don’t try to block it out. Even though it makes a tremor run through my hand and pressure build within me.
?When do you feel most alive, Mavyn? When you’re living. . . or when you’re taking a life?
?I softly close my eyes and concentrate everything, blocking the rest of the world out, to keep it all contained. His voice echoing in my mind and I thought that release from this morning when I was outside before the front of the school would have helped but it doesn’t.
?Not as so much builds and my soul trembles with the control.
?A war between two versions of myself raging.
?When you’re living. . . or when you’re taking a life?
?He hadn’t meant it to be harsh or cruel, it was simply a question he was curious about.
?“There are too many complexities within to shove all that we are into one box,” I finally answer when I’m sure-enough that I won’t explode and I can open my eyes again. “There is no such thing as good or bad, right or wrong, choosing to fight and choosing not to. Morality is subjective and can shift. I fought not because I was able to, not because I knew I would win, but because I truly just wanted to. I wanted to release my aura and use my magic and to kill. Because at my core, that is what my magic is.”
?“But you don’t want to kill all the time, right?”
?Another memory plays before my eyes. A little girl with hair touching the floor dancing to a song she made up in a field of flowers.
?After that is the memory of me singing that same song with the spirits of the Willow of Lore.
?And after that is me in that moment when I let my soul breathe.
?“You can want two things at the same time,” I softly answer Adam. My soul warms with life and love and home. “And your concern is misplaced. You can want two things at the same time just as you can be two things at the same time. Life and death are two sides of the same coin. That is the only constant within the universe and everything past it. Balance.”
?The room is quiet and I let it sit for only a couple seconds before turning to face my group and grabbing my notebooks.
?“Speaking of balance,” I say to my group, “this is why even the gods can be killed, however they cannot be killed by another god. So they got creative in the War of Gods.”
?Hushed murmurs start again as everyone gets back to their work. We only have a little over two months to get everything up, and while I have the knowledge so it should be easy for us, there is still so much they don’t know.
?The hour and a half flies by and so does the rest of the day. Professor Mackley takes over Castiel’s class since he’s at the arena and Varian ends up being absent from Intro to Power Compulsion because of everything.
?Jullia buzzes beside me as we follow everyone else making their way into the arena. The warehouse styled building ismassive enough to hold all of us, but how they’re going to organize us will be intriguing to see.
?“Asher says for the next week or so they’re just going to be testing us to see where they’ll place us and ask if we want to actually train.”
?“I figured. Though it would probably be more helpful for the school itself to notify us instead of us having to figure it out.”
?Jullia frowns at me as she pulls us into a line where the check-in is.
?“I’m going to say this, but I want you to know I do not mean it maliciously or negatively,” she starts and I raise a brow waiting for whatever it is. “But you are very oblivious sometimes.”
?“I’ve been told,” I say dryly, but she makes a face and bites her lip.
?“Yes, but – “ She cuts herself off and shakes her head. “I know it’s not your fault because of everything and you need to be very internally concentrated, but the school has been notifying us. I know everything going on not just because of Hanna or Asher, but because the school is telling us.”
?Oh.
?“But I understand,” she rushes, “you have a lot going on so of course you’re not going to look at every email or notification or hear every little thing all the professors say. But this is stuff everybody knows.”
?I sigh to myself and mentally flip fate off. Of course the school would be more organized than just what I’ve perceived. Iamtoo internally concentrated. But it didn’t just start recently. I’ve been too self-absorbed all year.
?That’s why I didn’t know the specifics about family day or the masquerade ball. I wasn’t paying attention. Part of me also doesn’t care to, but that’s just whatever.
