His face twisted into agony. “No, I hate them.” He smacked himself in the chest. “I hate myself. I never wanted to be this! I hate vampires even more than you do, and I am disgusted that I was turned into one of them.”
He took a careful step forward with his palms raised in surrender. I shoved my sword toward him in warning. “Don’t.”
If you knew the truth about what happened the night my sister died, you wouldn’t want me anymore... You don’t know what you’re asking for with me...Tears dripped from my jaw onto the desk. It explained why my body reacted so strongly to him.
Instinctually, I knew what he was. He was cold. He moved faster than any of us ducai. His agitation—the needing to escape. I knew deep down all along he was a bloodthirsty vampire. Itwas right in front of my face this entire time, and yet I’d never allowed the thought to rise.
I’m truly so tempting for you?
You have no idea.
It wasn’t me he craved, it was my blood. The way he was drawn to me, like he couldn’t help himself, it was the monster. The way I sensed hishunger. I’d been living in the same room as him. Isleptnext to a vampire.
My heart threatened to beat from my chest. I wanted to scream.
“What have you told the vampires about LOA?” I snarled.
His brows pinched, and he raked his hand through his hair. “Aesira, I am LOA. I am LOA until I die. That never changed.”
I turned away and stared at the floor near his boots. I couldn’t look at his face anymore. I couldn’t believe anything he said. Lies. Our entire relationship was a lie. Everything about him was a deception.
“Aesira, please.”
“You shouldn’t be here.” Was I going to let him walk away? Was he going to let me?
“Aesira, look at me. It’s me. I’m Viper—I’m Vander.” His boots hit loudly as he marched toward me. My eyes widened. My breath hitched, and I stumbled over Beast in my retreat until my back hit the wall. “Please don’t look at me like that. I’m not going to hurt you. I wouldneverhurt you.”
He stopped as the point of my sword pressed against his chest. I felt like I was breathing through a thin reed. He’d had a million chances to hurt me if that’s what he wanted; that’s not what I feared—I didn’t believe I could do what should be done. A vampire was standing before me, inside LOA, hiding who he was, standing at the end of my sword, and yet I stood frozen.
What if he’d been a vampire before he even joined the League? Could he be here to bring down the ducai from the inside? I didn’t know what to think.
“Were you bitten the day you tried to save your sister?” My voice came out strangled.
He nodded and swallowed hard. “Oriana and a handful of other apprentices snuck out one night.” He let out a slow breath and lifted his eyes toward the ceiling for a moment. “I was at the fucking bar with a few others. The rules on apprentices staying with their trainers were more lax then. When I got back and settled in my room, someone shouted that their apprentice was gone. I never thought Oriana would go outside the wall without me, but I checked her room to see if she knew anything about it, and she wasn’t there. Someone at the wall said a group of six had gone out at dusk, claiming to have permission. We eventually found them. Well, their bodies. Except Oriana’s. I knew in my heart she’d been taken. I snuck away on my own, and I made it all the way to the Black Castle. And she was there.” He paused, blinking away the moisture in his eyes. “She was tied down in the middle of the kings’ throne room, lying still in a pool of her own blood. They danced around her like she wasn’t there in their fancy gowns and suits. She was gone, I knew it, but I still couldn’t leave her alone. I just—I lost my mind after that. I don’t even remember what happened other than I killed anything in my path. Until I got to her and cut the bonds at her wrists. And that’s when Belladonna approached. I rose up with my sword, but suddenly, I couldn’t move. All I could do was stare at her. It was like she’d ensnared my mind and taken control of my body. She smiled as she sunk her teeth into my neck.”
My heart stuttered.
His face shifted, so did the air around us. Anger at the memory seeped into me. “I didn’t even fight back. I let her do it. The kings demanded my death. But she stayed them with just alift of her hand. ‘No, this one lives. He’s mine. He will come back to us. They always do, and he will be useful,’ she said. I didn’t want to leave Oriana, but I’d regained myself and dashed for the exit.” He sighed. “As I passed Dravyn he said, ‘You know why I kept your sister? So I could have my way with her.’ I’d never felt more rage in all my life, but I kept running. I had to get out.”
My stomach dropped to my toes. I was going to be sick.
“Once I was free of that place, I hid in a cave. I planned to walk into the sunlight. I should have. But the longer I sat and waited for the sun to rise, the more revenge festered. I told myself I would live long enough to kill Dravyn, and then I’d end it. But Dravyn disappeared for years, and I knew deep down I was just a coward who didn’t want to die. I was a hypocrite who had ended the lives of friends who were bitten. The morning of the last Sorting Rite, I’d made my decision to tell Locke that night. I would get through the ceremony at his side like he’d asked me, and then I would tell him the truth, and he would end my misery.”
A tear rolled down my cheek.
“Then I saw you.”
My breathing hitched.
“I couldn’t stop staring. Your eyes—different colors like my aunt predicted. And I’d seen you before, when I was freshly turned. I’d followed the trail of a vampire, and it led me to you, sitting at the edge of a creek with your bare feet in. You weren’t close enough for me to see your eyes then, but I felt compelled to talk to you. I’d thought of a thousand different ways I could approach you so that I wouldn’t scare you, but I decided I couldn’t subject someone so beautiful to a monster like me. Then you threw a stone further than any human could.” Vander smiled at the memory. “I watched you until the sun crested low. I almost screamed at you to get inside because I knew there was a vampire hunting you and I hadn’t found him yet. You turnedyour head my way as if you heard my silent screaming, then you picked up your shoes and ran. Fast. Faster than a human girl would. I killed the vampire, and I never returned, even though I thought about you often. Selfishly I hoped that you’d be selected at the next Rite, but you didn’t show that year. But this year you did. At first, I thought I was imagining you. But then you stared back, and I knew you were real. You tested ducai, like I knew you would. When Beast hurt you in that first fight, it made my blood boil. When Locke assigned you to me, I was furious. There is no one with worse luck than me. My sister was murdered, my first apprentice was killed, and I was a vampire. You’d be safer withanyoneelse. I didn’t want you to die because of my failures.” He dragged in a long breath, eyes glistening. I was so enraptured with his tale that I could scarcely breathe, let alone think.
His eyes flicked between mine, and he pushed against the point of my blade, still aimed at his chest. “Once Locke made it clear that I had no choice, I made a vow to keep you alive no matter what. Just long enough to get you through training, then I would tell Locke like I had planned to do on the day of The Rite. But you knowing what I am puts you in danger. I should have walked into the sun the day I was bitten. It’s against everything that I am to be alive. You and I made a pact. Kill all vampires. I want you to do it. It’s my last command as your trainer.”
I blinked at him, confused—horrified. I slowly shook my head.
“This is what I’ve been training you to do. This is all that we are.” He gripped the blade and centered the point directly over his heart. “You made a promise to me. Kill all vampires. They will execute you for knowing if you don’t kill me right now. Beast will tell them. It’s over.”
A tear rolled down my cheek. “I can’t, Vander. You can’t ask this of me.”
