I fell onto my bed and broke into sobs. I wasn’t even there for my mother. I never even saw my baby brother. Did I even say goodbye to her when I left? Did I hug her? I didn’t think I’d told her I loved her in a long time. That tension between us was always there—her silent judgment of what had happened to her mother because of me. I wouldn’t have a chance to make that better now.
I would have told her how sorry I was that her mom died. I would have told her that I loved her no matter what. My father, oh, my father, he wouldn’t make it without her. He loved her more than anything in this world.
I felt a hand on my back and then the weight of Vander settled beside me. “I am so sorry, Aesira.”
I curled around my pink blanket, the one she’d made me, and cried harder. I was never going to see her again to tell her I was an assassin. Or see her smile or hear her voice. I felt like I couldn’t breathe and sat up, trying to catch my breath. Firm hands settled on my shoulders. My bottom lip trembled as I faced him.
He gently swiped his thumbs across my cheeks. “Nothing I say will make you feel better, but I’m here, and I care about you.”
I crumbled against his chest and screamed into it. I felt him tremble and his arms tightened around me. “I’m so sorry.” Helaid us down on my bed and he gently stroked my hair. “We’ll still go see your family like I promised. We’ll just need to wait a few weeks, so Commander Ace doesn’t suspect it. If we go too soon someone will notice.”
I wanted to leave right then, the League and Commander Ace be damned, but with the snow still on the ground it would be better to wait. We could easily be tracked to my home.
Sometime after I stopped crying, I fell asleep. I dreamed of my father and brother digging her grave, of the baby wrapped in white in her arms, and I woke up panicking. Vander was still beside me, still curled against me to hold me in my sorrow.
Chapter 19
By the day of the game, my sadness had turned to anger. I was angry that I hadn’t been there to say goodbye, angry that life had to be so cruel, once again. The only thing that I was thankful for was that it had not been a vampire that killed them. I was sure that when it came time to sleep, the tears would return, but I would use my outrage as fuel and win this game tonight. And if my team didn’t step it up this time, they were going to get an earful.
Vander had informed me who Dravyn Knox was; one of the vampire kings’ high-ranking advisors, a savage killer, a daywalker, and the one who’d taken Vander’s sister. He’d vanished for two years, until now. The smoldering fury in Vander’s eyes was unnerving as he explained things this vampire had done. He was desperate to go after him, but we had to wait for the command.
I had to win this game not only for myself but for him. Commander Ace’s speech played in my head. “For the winning team, the reward will not only be a day off to play in the city but also the privilege to accompany the group chosen to assassinate the Nocturnus Commander Dravyn Knox and his wicked battalion. This daywalking vampire is the purest of eviland has killed many of our own. Many assassins just like you. He will die and his stone dust will be scattered to the wind, and you will help do that.”
The cheers of the apprentices still echoed in my head, making my skin tingle.
Last time we’d been Team Vampire and had to guard the hostages, now as Team Assassin we needed to rescue them. One thing we had on our side were the patches of snow. It would be easier to track our adversaries. The speeches from Vander and Falcon already had our team full of excitement and pride and ready for vengeance.
I wore my fur-lined black coat, extra socks and thicker pants. The stars sparkled in the clear night sky. Without cloud cover, the temperature had plummeted. The cold even burned my throat, breathing in too deeply. I’d thought we’d made it past this part of winter and spring was here, but mother nature was fickle.
My scarred hand ached and was stiffer in this climate and it pissed me off.
My boots crunched over the hard ground. My team and I had already made our way through the city. Etterdam’s Library, the landmark for vampire territory, was in view. Taewyn walked beside me with worried glances more often than necessary. I’d told him and Celine about my mother and brother the day before, and he’d been treating me extra carefully since.
“Are you nervous about what Beast might do in this game?” he asked. “He’s been quiet, but he still has that evil look in his eyes.”
I shrugged. That bastard always had an evil look in his eyes. I didn’t care anymore. Our rivalry seemed so trivial now. His threat after the whipping still lingered in the back of my mind, but he hadn’t attempted to make good on it. “No, I haven’t thought about him in a long time.”
“Maybe getting lashed in front of the entire League truly changed him. It would me.”
“Changed him for the worse,” I muttered.
“What makes you think that?”
“Something he said...” I hadn’t told anyone. Not even Vander. I’d hoped Beast had simply said it in the heat of the moment, and so far, I’d been correct. He hadn’t spoken a damn word to me or Taewyn. Dred never looked my way. I hoped it was because he was ashamed of how far his petty feud with Vander from years ago had been taken. There were no stupid jeers and certainly no putting hands on us. I wondered if Beast’s back was full of scars. He didn’t take his shirt off during training anymore, but I supposed no one had since the cold came.
Taewyn nudged me. “Well, spit it out.”
“After the fight between Dred and Viper and the lashing, he said that Viper wouldn’t always be around to protect me. But whatever he might try, I doubt he’ll make it public, not after what happened. I don’t think he’ll come after me during the game.”
Taewyn pursed his lips. “But this is the only time Viper isn’t with you. Maybe he’s just been waiting.”
“I’m not saying he wouldn’t try to hurt me within the rules of the game, but I’m not the same woman he fought months ago.” I grinned at him even if my mouth was covered with my mask.
“No, you’re not. You scare me sometimes.”
“Oh, stop it.” I shoved him lightly, and he laughed.
As a group, we stopped behind an old brick building before we crossed into the other team’s territory. Celine held the map this time, and Shadowhawk, the tall, quiet apprentice who’d started sitting with us at supper stood next to her. Vander often kept me out too late for mealtimes with everyone, but when I was there he seemed friendly enough. Celine talked about him often when he wasn’t around.
