“Yes, a wolf. Vampires aren’t the only predators in Lothleton.”
He ran his fingertip over the pink and silver scars that formed in a half-circle. I know what it looked like, I knew what he was thinking. “Some of these look like... teeth marks.”
“Wolves have teeth, last I checked.”
The air thickened. He didn’t believe me, but he couldn’t guess the truth. It was impossible. I trusted Vander to a point, but never would I tell him what truly happened. I couldn’t. He’d kill me. He’d shove his dagger straight through my heart. I wasn’t a vampire, but he wouldn’t understand. He would hear that I was attacked and bitten and he’d react. He was an assassin born and bred to kill vampires.
I didn’t know why I was different, or why I didn’t burn in the sunlight or crave blood, or why I didn’t die that night. I’d read that most children didn’t survive the change, but I did. And I didn’t turn into a monster. I didn’t know why the onlyconsequences of being bitten by that vampire were these scars and my iris changing black on the side I was bitten.
But I couldn’t tell him any of that. Even if he could see reason and believe that I wasn’t a vampire, he’d tell others, and they would take me away. I didn’t want to imagine what they’d do. Would the scholars cut me and test what I could withstand to study me for their books and lessons? Would the mages lock me in a cage for the rest of my life to take my blood and use it for their spells? They would probably have another vampire bite me just to see if it were true. I didn’t know what would happen if I were bitten a second time. Maybe I’d only been lucky the first.
“How old were you?” Vander asked.
“Ten. I went outside to pick apples near my house. A wolf chased and knocked me down. When I tried to push it away it tore into my hand.” I recited it like lines from a book. No one but my family knew the truth. That secret had never left my home. I doubt my father would have even told my siblings if they hadn’t heard my screams and my parents panicking.
I still remembered them fighting about what they should do if I survived the night. My mother couldn’t stop sobbing. It was the first and last time I’d seen my father cry. He held me in his arms the next morning and said he wanted to watch the sunrise together, and that it would be beautiful, the most beautiful sunrise there’d ever been. He tried to hold in his emotions, but his eyes were red, and the tears kept slipping down his cheeks. I knew what that meant. He held me tight to his chest, crying onto my shoulder standing in front of the doorway. My mother was lying curled in a ball on the kitchen floor with my siblings trying to console her. I think she wanted to get up to hug me, to say goodbye, but she couldn’t.
“It’s alright, Daddy,” I said, wiping his cheeks. I knew what a vampire bite meant. I knew what going in the sun meant too. I’dheard the stories of my grandfather, and how noble and brave he was. “I am brave like Grandpa.”
When my father pulled open the door, we stepped outside to the cool morning air. We sat on the bench, and he kept his arm around my shoulder. He hummed my favorite song, and we watched the sun come up. And it was beautiful, crimson and pink, like he promised. The warmth of the light spilled across my face, and I closed my eyes, waiting. Would it hurt? Would my grandfathers meet me in the afterlife?
But nothing happened. The morning birds chirped, and the sun warmed me, but didn’t change me. I didn’t turn to stone. The blood cravings never came. My father cried even more, but this time they were happy tears. He called me his little miracle.
Vander took a needle and thread out of the cupboard. “You still think about going home, don’t you? You still wish you could go back.”
Part of me did. I missed my family, my home, and Kace. I wished to see him and ask him how the summer had been. The fall festival would be soon. Summer was at an end. I’d missed the Midsummer celebration where we’d sing and dance until darkness threatened. Kace would have danced with me. We might even be engaged to be married if I hadn’t left. They didn’t celebrate Midsummer here. At least, Vander hadn’t taken me to a party if there was one.
But what Vander said was only half true. The thought of never seeing Vander again made me feel slightly ill. Even if we hadn’t spent all this time together, I’d think about him. Probably for the rest of my life, the beautiful, mysterious assassin who often entered my dreams. I was scared to even admit to myself the feelings he brought up in me. They were forbidden.
“I know that’s not an option.”
“But you would, if you could.”
I shrugged, not sure where he was going with this. It hadn’t mattered what I wanted from the moment the Avakki declared me ducai. “I don’t know, but it doesn’t matter, does it, so I don’t think about it.”
“If you do well enough here, you’ll be able to bring your family inside.”
I blinked at him. A whirl of anticipation and surprise overcame me. “How?”
“There will be opportunities, once you’re a fully fledged assassin.”
That changed everything. I was only here because I had to be. I trained because they told me to. I wanted to beat Beast and these other highbrow ducai from inside the wall out of spite, but if I could save my family from a life of torment, of hiding and living scared of the dark, I’d do anything. And Kace... Could Kace come here too? Would he? Would my father? I worried my father would rather risk the dangers of Lothleton than live in Nighthaven because of his hatred for the ducai.
“Why are you telling me this now?”
“You don’t like us, you don’t want to be here, and you think that ducai are wicked for leaving the humans outside to fend for themselves against the vampires. You’re angry about the wealth here, and the way most ducai think they are superior to humans. Even if you are one of us, you still think of yourself as one of them. You need more of a reason to want to be here. I can tell you that you’ll die out there if you don’t give this your all, but you already know that. You already fear vampires. I can’t force you to be elite. Sometimes even survival isn’t enough to drive you to be the best. You’ve been going through the motions, and you have improved, don’t get me wrong. I can see you have fire, but everyone fights to survive. Assassins are more than that. Assassins don’t simply fight, golden warriors fight, humans fight. We don’t use weapons, we are weapons. You see Beast asan asshole, and he is, but he is aggressive by nature. So are you, deep down. Ducai are born as dangerous and lethal as vampires, with good and bad human traits. Sometimes those dark urges are hard to quell.”
I’d never considered it that way. He compared ducai more to vampires than humans. I’d always thought of ducai—myself—as human, just... faster and stronger.
“If you think I hate you and this place, why did you challenge Dred for me?”
Everything he’d said was true, but I didn’t hate everyone here simply because my father did. I didn’t want to hate anyone. I was just trying to survive like everyone else in this unfair world.
“It wouldn’t matter what I thought of you, his apprentice openly attacked you with a knife, and that cannot be pushed aside. It’s a matter of honor for me, and for you. It is LOA rules that a trainer may fight in place of his apprentice.” He spilled a cold clear liquid over the gash on my palm, and it numbed the pain within seconds. “You’ll feel the pinch, but it won’t hurt much. Hold still.” He was surprisingly gentle when he took my wrist to support my injured hand. “And in part Beast’s aggressiveness toward you is probably because of Dred. Because of me.”
I hadn’t thought of that. “Why do you and Dred hate each other?” The first pinch came, and he began to sew up my wound with a careful hand. He’d done this before, many times.
“Remember when I told you I lost only one fight? It was to him. He beat me so badly, I couldn’t walk and pissed blood for two days. I told my father I fell off a horse and was trampled. Dred bragged about it for months at school. He’d always been a cocky prick, but he became unbearable after that.”
