Youdon’tfuck them.
I drop below the surface, hair floating around me in the giant tub.
I blow out all the air through my nose until there’s nothing left, hoping to clear away their scents.
Except even breathless, I can feel them inside me.
I stay under, like somehow that will wash away the memory of my teammates—their scents, their eyes, their smiles, their care, concerns, laughter, teasing, sweetness. Everything, because I love everything about them.
I’m not sure I can do this.
I burst through the surface before I cry and end up inhaling water. I dig the heels of my hands into my eyes, trying to physically hold back the tears.
I don’t think I can do this. Denying my feelings, faking being just teammates when I want so much more. And not just for tonight, I’d have to pretend for another 701 days.
But what’s the alternative? Ruin our careers? Leave and never see them again? Move to another station for my training and come back when I’m done?
I don’t think I could stand moving out now. Even considering it makes me feel like my heart will tear in two and half of it will stay here with them.
But the other half of my heart still belongs to me, and it beats for the love of this job. Thinking back on all the people we’ve helped, I can’t imagine doing anything else. Even getting stuck in a blizzard is worth it for the chance to save someone.
I don’t know how to make both halves happy.
And…what if I’ve misread them? What if they’re not into me, or the attraction isn’t anything more than physical? Simple biology between alphas and omegas.
They did say their pack is closed. Would they open it for me?
My emotions are bouncing all over the place, and I laugh at the ridiculousness of it. We’re snowed in after surviving a blizzard, and I’m worried about sleeping with my bosses.
My laughter hits the tiled walls and echoes back, sounding frenzied and distorted, but I can’t stop.
I cover my mouth, but that does nothing to stem my thoughts.
Eventually my laughter subsides, leaving me just as exhausted as when we first got to the cabin.
I drag myself out of the bath and into a towel. It feels extra cold now that I’m out of the water, though the fireplace did a decent job of heating the room. I hastily dab at my body and redress, putting on the clean clothes I had in my pack.
I drop the towel over the rod on my way out, leaving the tub full and my things behind. Staying upright is taking all the energy I have left.
I stumble into the hall in a billow of steam, where Cato scoops me up.
“Did you have fun in there, pet?” he whispers in my ear, making goosebumps break out on my neck.
My potent fruit scent rises around us, acting like I didn’t just use descenting soaps and spray myself down with descenters.
Wait, did I remember to use the descenting spray? What soap did I use? Was it just the herbal one?
Cato’s chest rumbles, vibrating against me.
I don’t know why he’s laughing, but I don’t care because his bare skin is hot on mine and my hands move of their own accord, stroking his chest.
Cato buries his face in my hair, inhaling deeply. He noses lower and scrapes his teeth against my neck. My body goes limp, waiting for him to bite.
But Cato drops me as suddenly as he picked me up.
He keeps a hold of my arm so I don’t fall over, but otherwise stands as far away as possible.
I blink as my mind restarts. Once I’m steady, Cato releases me and ushers me down the hall, staying behind me like a dog herding sheep.
