He didn’t want to answer it. He wanted to lie here, just for a little while, where nothing mattered but the feel of Louisa under him and surrounding him, soft, warm and wonderful. She had promised him there would be a different world on the other side of the stones and she was right. He sometimes felt empty after the act of lovemaking, filled with restless energy and a desire to dress and leave immediately.
But tonight, it was as if something had been added to him and not subtracted. He wanted to revel in that feeling for a while, as if he was snuggling into a feather bed or soaking in a hot bath.
Bonham reminded him in a curt tone, that he’d taken his lover on the cold ground and she was likely not as comfortable.
That was easily fixed. He was still inside her and he wrapped his arms around her hips to maintain their union. Then he rolled until she was on top, pulling the cloak after her to bundle them together. The moon had come out of the clouds again and he could see her, hair and profile gilded with silvery moonlight. ‘Beautiful,’ he whispered.
Bonham reminded him that he’d been with beautiful women before and that a gentleman who cared about the lady, her future and the succession, should have had the sense to withdraw before he climaxed, as he’d fully intended to do.
Devil take Bonham. The duke in him never thought of anything but the future. Thus, he was miserable in the present. He’d wasted years seeking a woman to be his perfect duchess, then found himself disappointed when all that the women wanted was the title and the money. He stared up at the moon and imagined a future with a woman who had never asked to be his duchess but liked the way he smelled.
‘It is late,’ she whispered, shifting against him. ‘I should go back to the house.’
He looked up at her, surprised. ‘I thought you might have changed your mind about that.’
She gave a sad shake of her head. ‘Nothing has changed. I cannot leave here. And I certainly cannot take your money, after…’ She turned her head and her expression was lost in shadow. Then, she rolled away and sat up, rearranging her gown.
He sat up as well, tugging his sagging breeches up and trying to reclaim his dignity. ‘Everythinghas changed. And I am notoffering you protection. I am offering you everything I have. After what we have done…’
The duke in his head gave an exasperated sigh, but the criticism was unnecessary. Even as he was saying the words, he knew they were all wrong. No woman dreamed of receiving a half-hearted offer from an idiot whose balls were out and shrivelling in a cold breeze.
She was smiling her deceptive smile again, hiding her true feelings and preparing to retreat. Had he hurt her? Had she even enjoyed what they’d shared? It had felt so perfect to him a minute ago, but now, it was all wrong. ‘I will write to you at the inn, if it is allowed,’ she said, standing up. ‘And I will try to come to the garden after dinner each night, should you wish to see me again.’
‘Wish to see you? Hell’s teeth, Louisa, of course I want to see you.’ He rushed to do up his buttons and staggered to his feet.
‘Thank you,’ she said, as another cloud passed over the moon. She looked up. ‘It will rain, soon. I have to hurry. Thank you, for everything.’ Then, she turned and went back through the stones. The clumsy girl he’d thought needed him hurried back up the hill as sure as a mountain goat, as if to prove she needed no help at all.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Louisa returned to the house without looking back. Once inside, she took the back stairs to her room. This was not a good time to see her grandfather, who was probably hoping to question her about her absence. She walked quietly down the hall, closed her bedroom door with the softest click and let out a sigh of relief.
She washed carefully and readied herself for bed, examining her dinner gown for any signs of what had occurred, but other than a few wrinkles in the silk and a leaf caught in the lace, it appeared to be fine.
It was only when she was sure that she’d left no clues of the evening’s activities that she crawled into bed and allowed herself to think about them. She smiled and wrapped her arms around herself, trying to pretend Thomas was still there, with her.
It was not the same. But that just meant she could remember how wonderful it had truly been, which was a good thing. In the afternoon, he’d said he loved her. In the evening, he had made love to her. And then, he had almost proposed.
It had not quite ruined things. Nothing could ever ruin what had happened before. But until they were both sure they understood what was happening, no promises should be made on either side. She did not want to lie down with Tom Smith only to have Thomas Carew, the Duke of Bonham, make a proposal out of duty afterwards.
If he was unconflicted, surely there would be another offer? If there was not? She still had this night to remember. And if they’d both made a grave error and there were consequences?
She did not want to think about that now. But if she was as smart and sensible as Thomas seemed to think, she had to consider all possibilities. If there were consequences, perhaps she would steal the teaspoons and run away, as she’d planned to.
Or perhaps she simply needed to find her father’s will. She’d looked before without success. She’d assumed that she was too stupid to outwit her grandfather. He’d always told her so and she had believed him.
But that was nonsense. She’d always known she was smarter than he’d said. She’d been getting around him in small ways for years. It was time to show him how wrong he was.
But tonight, she would close her eyes and dream of Thomas.
The next morning, when she came down to breakfast, her grandfather was already at the table. For the first time in her life, she was at a loss as to how to behave in front of him. She’d smiled her way through these interactions for years, masking her fear and misery to keep him from attacking her with vicious words.
But today, if she smiled, there would be real joy behind it. He would sense that she was happy and be even more sadistic than usual. She paused for a moment in the doorway of the dining room, trying to compose herself. She did not want to share even a sliver of her true feelings just to have them stripped away.
Neither did she want to give him the satisfaction of seeing her frown. If she looked angry or unhappy, he might think he’d broken her spirit. He would think he’d won, and she hated that. Perhaps, this morning, it was necessary. She let the frustration overwhelm her and stepped into the dining room.
‘Good morning, Louisa.’
‘Good morning, Grandfather.’ She stared down at her feet, refusing to look him in the eye, and took her seat. She reached for a muffin and focused all her energy on slathering it with butter.
