Amanda moved to make herself a cup of coffee—activities were also good. She’d just filled the carafe with water when the home phone rang. She turned to look at the cordless sitting over there in the center of the island. Her work phone, her cell phone, and now her homephone? She stepped closer: “Unknown Caller.” No, she thought. Please don’t. Not so early.
“Hello?” Amanda answered, her voice quiet and trembling. Silence. And then that rough, rattling breath. “Hello?” Sharper now, more forceful. But she didn’t want to make him angry. That wouldn’t help anything. When she spoke again it was a whisper. “Please stop calling me.”
But there was only more silence on the other end. And more of his awful breathing.
And then a click.
“Hello?” Amanda asked again, louder this time.
But the line was dead. She pressed the phone to her chest and closed her eyes. They never should have come to New York City. It was too close to St. Colomb Falls. Not that Amanda had been given a choice in the matter. Where Zach needed to go, they went. It had always been that way. And aside from the effect on Case—which she continued to worry about—Amanda hadn’t considered this move any differently. Until she’d stepped off the plane at Kennedy Airport and saw that sign: “Welcome to New York.”
The wind had been pounded right out of her. It wasn’t until an hour later, when she’d glimpsed the Empire State Building from the back of the chauffeur-driven SUV—sparkling red, white, and blue against the glittering Manhattan skyline—that she’d finally been able to get her hands to stop shaking. This was New York City, she’d been reminding herself ever since. It was a world away from St. Colomb Falls.
Amanda caught sight of something then, someone, out of the corner of her eye. She startled back, bumping her hip into the counter and letting out a little yelp.
“It’s just me!” Carolyn called, waving her hands around. “Sorry, I let myself in.”
“Don’t do that!” Amanda shouted, then tried to steady her breath.
“Jeez, you are jacked up,” Carolyn gasped. “What did His Highness do now?”
It was a joke, of sorts. Carolyn didn’t like Zach any more than Sarah did. Actually, she liked him much less.
“I’m jacked up because you just scared the hell out of me. What are you even doing in Brooklyn?” Amanda asked. “It’s not Monday, is it?”
Since they’d moved to Park Slope, she and Carolyn had been running together every Monday morning in Prospect Park. Had Amanda lost track of the days? With Case gone, and the bad dreams and lack of decent sleep, time did feel especially slippery.
“Nope, it’s Sunday. But let me guess, Zach is at work?” Carolyn asked. Amanda rolled her eyes in response, though that was exactly where Zach was. “Anyway, can’t I come see my best friend? You sounded weird the last time we talked. I thought I should check in.” Carolyn tapped at her temple and then pointed at Amanda. “Then again you are also weird on the phone. Only way to be sure was to see you with my own eyes.”
Carolyn worked in advertising, as a creative executive at McCann Erickson. Zach had once said it was the most prestigious advertising agency in the whole world. And he wasn’t one for false praise. Carolyn had done well for herself, which wasn’t a surprise.
“I am not weird on the phone,” Amanda said mildly. “And I’m fine. It’s just an adjustment not having Case here.”
Carolyn stopped at the kitchen island and tossed her headphones down, then put her hands on her hips. “I knew that camp was a bad idea.”
Carolyn had been strongly (and loudly) against Case going to that particular sleepaway camp. She wasn’t opposed to the idea of camp ingeneral, but she thought sending a kid to camp on the opposite coast at the age of ten was ridiculous. She also didn’t buy it as compensation to Case for the cross-country move. She thought that was something Zach should have made up for, as if that was how anything worked. Really, she couldn’t understand why Amanda hadn’t stayed behind in California with Case until he had finished the school year. But Zach needed his family at his side. With new businesses, new cities, people cared about a person’s context. It was Amanda’s job to give Zach that context, to complete his picture as a family man. And Amanda didn’t mind. In fact, she liked it. She was good at it.
In their early days, when they didn’t have two quarters to rub together, people had assumed countless things about Zach because Amanda was his wife. After all, if a guy who looked like him and who wasn’t wealthy could keep a woman like her, he must be truly special. Now that Zach was rich and successful, the explanations for their uneven union were more often at Amanda’s expense—what a gold digger she must be. But that was okay. People could think what they wanted. Amanda knew the truth.
For her part, Carolyn would have been happy for Amanda to leave Zach altogether. She’d long complained, among other things, that Amanda and Case were nothing more than props for Zach. But if you thought about it, propswereuseful things, and there were worse things than being useful. Besides, everything was always so mercilessly black-and-white to Carolyn—she could afford that luxury. She’d been able to live her life without worrying about how to survive.
“Case is fine. Better than fine,” Amanda said, getting Carolyn a cup of coffee—light and sweet, the way she always had it. It was comforting, knowing by heart those little details about her friend. “He couldn’t miss me less, in fact, which smarts a little. But I know it’s a good thing.” Amanda set the coffee down.
Carolyn lifted it and took a big sip, eyeing Amanda over the top of her mug. “So what is it, then?”
“I guess I miss him and I haven’t been sleeping well, that’s all.”
“Don’t tell me—your wacko dreams again?” Carolyn rolled her eyes this time. “Let me guess, a monster squid.”
Once Amanda had dreamed she was trapped in a giant lobster’s claw while sleeping over at Carolyn’s house. Thrashing about, she’d whacked Carolyn so hard in the mouth, her lip had bled.
“No squids. But I do keep having this dream I’m running barefoot through the woods in the dark. I’m looking for Case. Frantic, really. It’s ridiculous,” Amanda said. She hoped confessing the details might make them stop running over and over in her head: the cold wetness of the dress against her skin, standing in Norma’s diner and looking down at her bloodstained hands. A scream. “There are sirens, and I have blood on me. It’s horrific.”
“Yeah, horrifically literal.” Carolyn laughed, then focused on Amanda, her eyes softening.
“What do you mean?” Amanda asked. She already felt better that Carolyn had laughed.
“Come on, you’re running after Case in the woods, covered in blood?” Carolyn shook her head and held her arms out wide for dramatic effect. “Your subconscious hasobviouslycome to the same conclusion I have: that camp on the other side of the country was a dumb idea.”
