Chapter Twelve
Cassie fidgeted with the hem of the cotton dress draped over her lap, her fingers tracing the stitches she had sewn with such precision. It was already June, and the heat was oppressive. Her heart should’ve been light with the joy of impending motherhood, but the closer she came to her due date, the more anxious she became.
“Can’t believe it’s nearly time,” Andy said, his voice brimming with a kind of excitement Cassie found herself unable to share. He stood in the doorway, his dark hair tousled from work, eyes gleaming like two polished stones.
She looked up at him, biting her lip. “Andy, I need to talk to you about something important.”
He walked over and knelt beside her chair, taking her hand in his rough ones. “Anything, Cassie. What’s on your mind? You feeling all right?”
“It’s just...what if I’m not cut out for this?” Her voice was barely above a whisper, her blue eyes searching his for understanding. “What if I don’t have the motherly instinct? I’ve never felt a yearning for children, not like other women do.”
Andy squeezed her hand and let out a chuckle, the sound meant to be reassuring. “Cassie, you worry too much. You’re going to be a wonderful mother. Our child will be lucky to have you.”
“But what if I see our baby and feel nothing?” The words tumbled out before she could stop them, revealing the depth of her fear.
“Impossible,” he replied with a confident grin. “The moment you hold our little one, you’ll be filled with love. I know it.” His belief was sincere, yet it failed to help her feel any better.
“Your confidence is heartening, Andy, but...” Cassie trailed off, her hands now still in her lap.
“Look at you, Cassie. Everything you do, you do well. Remember how you turned this house into a home? Or how every dress you make becomes the talk of the whole congregation?” Andy’s dark eyes were earnest, his faith in her unwavering.
“Making a dress isn’t the same as raising a child,” she countered softly.
“Perhaps not,” he conceded, “but it’s all in the care you put into it. And nobody has more care to give than you.” His thumb brushed against her knuckles in a soothing rhythm.
Cassie wanted to believe him, to share in his excitement, but doubt was a stubborn companion. She forced a smile, hoping it would change how she felt, but nothing seemed to make her feel any better about the baby that was so close to making his or her entrance into the world.
“Let’s not worry about tomorrow,” Andy suggested, standing and offering her his hand. “Tonight, we enjoy this beautiful evening together. How about that?”
“All right,” Cassie agreed, allowing him to help her to her feet. They stepped outside, and sat on the porch swing, his arm around her shoulders. If only she could be certain that her love for the baby would be as strong as her love for the baby’s father.
CASSIE WAS PERCHEDon the edge of the porch, her sewing basket abandoned beside her, when Amy arrived. With a babysecured in each arm and her youngest step-daughter trailing behind her, Amy’s smile was as bright as Cassie had ever seen it.
“Look who’s come to visit Auntie Cassie,” Amy declared. Cassie marveled at how truly happy Amy seemed with the babies in her arms.
“Hi, Cassie!” Priscilla said, climbing up the steps to throw her small arms around an awkwardly seated Cassie.
“Hello, dear,” Cassie replied, managing a gentle pat on the child’s back. Her eyes drifted to the bundles in Amy’s arms—one of the babies cooing softly, blissfully unaware of the turmoil he stirred in Cassie’s heart.
“May I?” Cassie asked tentatively, indicating she wanted to hold Amy’s son. As the infant was placed carefully into her arms, Cassie felt a surge of something unfamiliar—a warmth that started in her chest and spread outward. Yet, it was overshadowed by the gnawing doubt that lingered like a persistent shadow.
“Isn’t he just perfect?” Amy gushed, watching Cassie with a proud maternal glow.
“Yes, he’s quite...charming,” Cassie agreed, though her voice lacked conviction. The baby, sensing her unease, began to fuss, and Cassie bounced him gently, more out of duty than instinct.
“Is everything all right? You seem off today,” Amy said, concern knitting her brow as she reclaimed her son, expertly soothing his cries.
Cassie sighed, her blue eyes meeting Amy’s dark ones. “I’m scared, Amy. What if I don’t feel that...that bond when my own arrives?”
Amy chuckled, dismissing the worry with a wave of her hand. “Oh, Cassie, everyone thinks that at first. But trust me, when you see your baby, it’ll be love at first sight. Just like it was for me with these two.”
“Will it?” Cassie muttered, not convinced.
“Of course! Just wait and see. You’re going to be a natural,” Amy assured her with a confident nod.
“Perhaps,” Cassie murmured, but her heart wasn’t in it. She watched as Amy doted on her sons with such effortless devotion. Would that ever be me? Cassie wondered, a soft breeze ruffling her blond hair, carrying away her whispered doubts.
CASSIE’S FINGERS WEREa blur of motion as she fed fabric through the sewing machine. She was trying to focus on the dresses, vibrant calicos meant for the general store, but her mind wandered, unbidden, to the impending arrival that colored every moment with anticipation and fear.
