“You can also try to compartmentalize your mind, set aside a time block every day to ruminate and worry.”
I almost laughed out loud. That sounded perfect. I could just imagine myself telling my mom and Kylie that I needed to have a time-out to ruminate and worry. That would go over as well as when Kylie announced, at the tender age of six, that she needed more ‘Kylie time’. We’d laughed our heads off.
“We are observers of life and character,” Cedric continued. “We write extensive essaysin our heads about just everyone we meet. We dissect them, label them, struggle not to hate them, and ache to help them. We are privy to horrible thoughts, evil that might be completely invisible to others. People both intrigue us, frustrate us, and sadden us.”
So true.
“We don’t fall in love like others do, with wild abandon. We are too afraid of what we can see, of what lies ahead. We’re afraid of getting hurt, because we believe without a doubt that we will be hurt. We build a wall around our hearts -- no one can touch us.”
I thought about Leo, and what he’d said to me, how he was afraid to get into a relationship, how he’d finally taken a risk, and how I’d hurt him. My heart sank. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt Leo. We’d only begun, we hadn’t even kissed, and already, there was so much drama.
“We’re not able to give all of ourselves, all of our hearts to others. We’re afraid of the strength of emotions that would surely result if we did. We are guarded, always… and here is why I tell you, Anna, when your gut tells you that someone is good, please don’t be afraid to let them in. Don’t be afraid of love.”
I wondered if Mr. Black was single. I wondered if he had let a great love go. This was quite the speech.
“We always keep a small part of us, hidden from the world, but Anna, one day, you will find that special someone, that soul mate. It will be both beautiful and terrifying. Please, let him or her in.”
I sat quietly, riveted. I wanted to take it all in, and store it away somewhere safe. No one had ever said the exact words I wanted to hear before. No one had ever understood me so well.
“All this can take a toll on a person. Readers often fall victim to depression, extreme anxiety, destructive behavior, addiction, and even suicide. I want you to come to me, Anna, if you ever feel sad, or overwhelmed. Simone and I are always here for you. Readers tend to push people away, but they probably need others more than anyone.”
I smiled shyly. “Thank you, Mr. Black. I appreciate it.” It was nice to know I had someone to talk to, even though it all seemed a little too formal, nothing like when I yap with Alicia, or Kylie, or even my mom. But still, it warmed my heart. “I will… I mean, if I need to.”
He grinned and I noticed for the first time that he had a dimple on his left cheek. It made him seem even kinder.
35
Isnuck Leo up to our common room at around eight o’clock. I was still wearing my dorky uniform, while he was wearing the hottest plaid shirt I’d ever seen, and cool dark jeans with the silver chain hanging from his pocket. He looked a lot cooler than me, and I regretted not taking five minutes to slip into some jeans, and one of my rock bands t-shirts.
“It’s a little tradition of ours,” I explained as I buttered the toast. “Grab us some milk, will ya? You drink milk, right?”
He smiled. “Of course. I’m a growing boy.”
I wondered if he had much more growing to do -- he was already about six feet tall. I didn’t want him to grow taller. I was afraid that if he grew any more, I couldn’t reach up to kiss him. Kissing him was still on my mind, obviously.
He pulled the milk carton from the refrigerator and poured some into the travel cup I handed him. “So you’re pretty tight with your little sis.”
“We are,” I said. “How about you?”
He nodded. “Yeah, we’re pretty close, too, but sometimes I feel like the odd one out. They outnumber me three to one.”
“Are they all like you?” I asked. That was the common question when talking about siblings. Psychic powers are hereditary for the most part, but like anything else, like eye color, height, hair texture, just because one child inherits the gift, it doesn’t mean their siblings will.
He put away the milk. “My sister Natasha is like me,” he told me as we headed to the elevator.
“She goes to RAMS, too?” I asked, curious.
We stepped out of the elevator, and headed towards the tube. “She did… she’s my oldest sister. She’s eight years older than me and she’s already married and working as a nurse. She chose a very normal life.”
It did seem like such an ordinary life for such an extraordinary girl, but she was probably much happier for it. “She’s happy?”
He nodded. “She seems to be,” he beamed. “What about Kylie? Is she like you?”
“Not that we can tell so far,” I told him. “For a lot of people, onset is at puberty. For me, it was much earlier, which is why I had so many problems. I was too small to process it all.”
“Yeah, that would have been hard.” he said.” It started for me at around ten or eleven years old.”
“I hope she never becomes like me,” I said to him. “It’s not all rainbows and flowers… you would know.”
