“I’m so mad at myself,” I said. “I like you so much, Leo.”
He still wouldn’t look at me.
“Come and sit next to me,” I pleaded. “Please.”
He didn’t budge.
“Please,” I begged. “I want you to read me and see. I want you to see how much I like you.”
He sat still for the longest time, and finally, he stood slowly. My heart did a little cartwheel. He was handsome in his RAMS uniform, not quite as hot as the night we almost kissed, but still pretty cute. He plopped down next to me without ceremony. I took his hand, and he didn’t pull away.
“Look at me,” I begged. “Please, look at me.”
He turned to me reluctantly. I welled up because I could feel his heartbreak -- it was so much bigger than my own. This wasn’t just a little crush -- he really did like me. A lot.
I felt sick to my stomach. “I’m sorry, Leo.”
“You broke my heart, Anna,” he said. His dark chocolate eyes were more gorgeous than ever, full of vulnerability. “I thought you were different.”
“Different how?”
“You’re just like all the others,” he scoffed. “Falling for Rogers… fuck, you almost kiss me one night. I thought about that all night, and I couldn’t wait to see you the next day. And then… you’re with him, and next thing you know, you’re kissing him.”
“I know,” I didn’t know what to say. I’d already explained it.
“Do you know how hard it is for me to get close to people,” he asked, not waiting for an answer. “I’m a loner, Anna. People scare me… they always have. I can’t handle their emotions, and I’m always afraid to get hurt. And finally, I trust someone, and this is what happens. I thought you were different.”
I saw her then; a pretty blonde. She’d broken his heart. I remembered what Alicia had told me about Leo, the fact that he didn’t seem to date, that he’d only had the one girlfriend. “I’m not her. I won’t break your heart. I will never let it happen again. Now, I know the power he has over me. I won’t let him near me.”
“I won’t be like my mom,” he said. “I won’t be with someone who’s in love with someone else.”
“I’m not in love with Ace,” I insisted. “I don’t even like him most of the time.”
I could read him so well. He was an open book, a coloring book. I could trace the shapes and fill them with color -- all his doubts, his fears, and his vulnerabilities were mine to work on. “I’m exactly like you, Leo,” I confessed. “I’m a loner, too. I shy away from people. I almost didn’t save that girl because I zoned her out -- it’s what I usually do. I don’t let people in. But now, since I’ve been at RAMS, I realize that if you let people in, they can help you. And you can help them.”
“Was he a good kisser?” he asked.
I thought about it for a second. “Honestly, I can’t really answer that. I was numb the whole time, like the kiss was a dream or something. It was surreal.”
“Wow… a dream,” he muttered.
“No… I didn’t mean it like that,” I was quick to add. “It just didn’t feel real… the whole thing. But when I was with you, when we almost kissed, that felt real.”
He chewed on his lip. “Yeah, if it wasn’t for Alicia…”
“I’m so angry at myself,” I told him. “I wanted my first kiss to be special, not some freaky surreal experience with some weirdo control freak.”
His eyes grew wide. “It was your first kiss?”
I nodded. “I wish it had been with you.”
Silence filled the room -- we were both quiet for the longest time. “I could have killed Alicia,” I said, finally breaking the intense silence.
He smiled. “Me, too.”
“I’m crazy about you,” I said. “When I’m with you, I feel all warm and fuzzy inside… it’s kinda hard to explain.”
He grinned. “Try.” He was totally enjoying seeing me squirm.
