25
I’ve got everything set up, and I’m a ball of nerves. We’re having our weekly coffee get-together at my place today. But that’s not the reason I’m nervous. I host about once a month. I love having my friends over. My loft is not as neat as Mischa’s or Gretchen’s, not quite as eclectic as Claudia’s, but it’s all mine. And I make the best muffins.
I stare at the spread on the coffee table; blueberry muffins, scones and strawberry jam from the market, a selection of teas and coffee pods for my Keurig.
It’s the usual scene. The reason I’m so nervous today is because I’m inviting a special guest. The girls are finally going to meet Noah.
They know all the details, as good girlfriends usually do. They know that we’re sleeping together, that we’re getting more serious every day. They also know that I’m cautious, like I’ve always been. I’m cautious of love, of getting hurt. They probably suspect that I don’t quite trust Noah not to hurt me.
I’m trying to let myself go, fall into this new relationship without the usual worries and anxiety. But something is holding me back.
The doorbell buzzes, that familiar tone all the lofts at Orchard Heights have. I bounce over to the door, eager to see who my first guest will be. I’m half hoping it’s Noah. It would be nice for him to already be here when everyone arrives.
When I swing the door open, Gretchen’s sweet face greets me. And right beside her is Ethan. He’s hugging her leg, his face pressed against her thigh. The boy is shy, not quite two. “They sometimes make strange at this age,” she tells me.
“Come in,” I urge.
“Sorry, Anette had a dentist appointment.” Anette is a sweet elderly lady who babysits Ethan occasionally.
“No worries,” I kneel down to Ethan. “I’m glad to have Ethan over. Hey buddy, remember that basket of toys I have for you. You want to play with them again?”
He nods shyly and I dash over to my den where I keep the basket in my closet. I’ve collected lots of toys for Ethan this past year. Claudia and I like to browse the garage sales in the neighborhood on Saturday mornings. She’s usually searching for eclectic art, vintage finds, and stuff for her set designs. I’m on the lookout for toys, old comic books and anything I find interesting.
Ethan is all smiles when I reappear with his basket of toys. He settles quietly on the floor with the wooden puzzles and hodgepodge of noisy toys. In my haste in acquiring his toy collection, I never stopped to consider how loud some of them are.
“What can I get you today?”
“Uh…” She watches Ethan play. “Do you have any Chai tea. I need to relax. Ethan has been up since six. He’s due for a nap.”
“He can sleep on the sofa in the den,” I tell her. “He liked it last time.”
Just as I’m preparing her tea, the doorbell buzzes again. I abandon Gretchen’s cup of tea to dash to the door. I welcome both Claudia and Mischa in. Mischa looks adorable in fitted capris and a pretty blouse. Claudia wears a long tunic over dark leggings. As we exchange quick hugs, I spot Noah stepping out of his apartment. He shoots us a wide smile.
I quickly make the introductions. Claudia shoots me a perked brow, communicating her approval.Yes, Noah is hot. Tell me something I don’t know, Claudia.
I introduce him to Gretchen when we walk in to the living room. He settles on the sofa and answers a barrage of questions from the girls.How long have you been here? How do you like it here at Orchard Heights? Where are you from originally? What do you do? I hear you write songs and jingles.All very acceptable non-invasive questions.
But from Claudia…So you and Abby are a thing now? How old are you anyway? How tall are you? Six foot two?
I shake my head, smiling a little.
* * *
Gavinand I had been seeing each other for a few months since my birthday. By seeing each other, I really do meanseeingonly.He wouldn’t let me anywhere near him. If we played Scrabble, we played at the kitchen table. If we chatted, it was in two different chairs, me on the sofa, him in his Lazy Boy. I made sure to tell him how grown up I’d become every chance I got. I’d gotten my license with the help of my brother Jake. He surprisingly had been kind enough to take me out for a few lessons. I’d gotten a job at the local movie theatre. And I’d even started to think about my future. I thought I might want to be a nurse.
“You’d be an amazing nurse,” Gavin told me. “You take care of people.”
He wasn’t wrong. I’d always taken care of people. My mother, when she was too drunk to take care of us. My dad, my brothers. I cleaned the house and cooked meals… simple things like spaghetti and bolognese sauce from a jar, canned chili and macaroni, frozen pizza, or chicken fingers and fries. I thanked the Lord for frozen and canned foods. It kept us alive.
I worked relentlessly to worm my way back into his arms again, to show him that we weren’t that different at all. In some ways, I was more mature than he was.
And to that end, we eventually found ourselves on the sofa together, talking about sex. He knew I was still a virgin, still waiting for him. I’d told him about the invitations I’d received from boys my age, all of them declined. He smiled and didn’t encourage me to accept any of them. I wasn’t sure if it was because he wanted to keep me all to himself, or if it was because he didn’t think these immature boys were worthy of me. It was probably a little bit of both.
“I like how it feels,” I confided in a whisper.
He shifted on the sofa. “How what feels?”
“When I touch myself,” I said quietly.
