37
My last few days in Michigan were the saddest ones in my life. As strained as my relationship with my dad and brothers was, they were upset to see me go. Yet everyone understood. I’d just lost a best friend and the love of my life. I needed to start a new chapter. Hell, not just a new chapter… a whole new book.
I packed my measly belongings and set out to start my new life. I left with no intention of ever returning to my hometown, and in fact, I rarely did in the next eighteen years.
My father drove me to the cemetery before I left. I held two bouquets in my hands; white lilies for Izzie and white roses for Gavin. I’d read somewhere that white roses represent friendship and that’s exactly what Gavin and I had. We were friends long before we were ever lovers.
“Johnny and his gang are going to be in jail for a while,” my dad was saying. “Johnny for sure, and his buddies too. Second degree murder.”
I had no words. I hadn’t seen those guys since, and I knew I would never see them again.
My breath hitched when we finally rounded the bend and drove up to the cemetery. “Thank you, Dad.”
“No problem.”
I reluctantly exited the truck, and trudged to Izzie’s grave with a heavy heart.
I kneeled at her grave, remembering all the good times we’d shared; the crazy games, silly crushes, and the shenanigans we were always up to. For many years, she was the light of my life, my rock. Without her, I don’t know what I would have done. I pressed the bouquet of lilies against her tombstone and left one of the many friendship bracelets she’d made me. I’d kept them all.
“You and me, we were quite the team for a while,” I said. “I’m sorry it all fell apart. You’ll always be my bestie, Izzie. I might make other friends, but you’ll always be number one.”
I was choked up, but wouldn’t let myself cry yet. I was saving that for Gavin.
My legs felt heavy as I walked toward Gavin’s grave. His tombstone was much smaller than Izzie’s, much more inconspicuous. I kneeled down and set the roses on the ground. A slideshow of images flashed instantly through my mind; the first time we met, the games of Scrabble, hot cocoa, snowmobile rides, his smile, his kiss, and of course all those times we’d made love. I could still feel his skin on mine, and taste his lips. I knew that would fade in time, and the thought of that made my chest ache. My whole core sank as I kneeled over his grave. I couldn’t even talk to him. I was too overwhelmed with sorrow. I just cried.
I knew my father wouldn’t want to wait forever, sitting patiently in his truck. I reluctantly rose and set out to start my new life. “I’ll love you forever, Gavin,” I promised. “I’ll never forget you.”
I was a mess when I got back to the truck. My dad shot me a tight smile. He pulled out of the drive. “You’ll be okay, Abby. You’re a smart girl. You’ll find your way.”
It may have been the nicest words he’d ever uttered to me. I was surprised he had that in him. He knew he’d lost me, and maybe that made him realize how poorly he’d treated me all my life.
We didn’t say a word for the rest of the drive to the bus. I was all ready for the long drive to Chicago. I was looking forward to starting a new chapter and leaving my old life behind. Why Chicago? I suppose I could blame it on all those John Hughes films set in Chicago, orChicago Hopewhich I loved. Chicago always seemed like a cool place to be, or in my case, a perfect place to escape. It was certainly far enough.
He hugged me goodbye and wished me luck. I waved bye as I climbed up on the bus.
And I never looked back.
I had a bit of money saved up, and I found myself a room in a house not too far from the U of Chicago campus. The landlord, Ira, a tiny elderly woman, lived there too. She was specifically looking for a young woman, a non-smoker. We spoke on the phone and she gave me the room right then and there. She told me she didn’t like living alone, she felt much safer with someone else in the house. Her last tenant had just moved in with her boyfriend. I told her that I didn’t have a boyfriend and had no intention of getting one in the near future. In fact, at the time, I thought I’d never find love again.
I worked as a waitress at an upscale restaurant for a year before qualifying for in-state tuition and registering at U of Chicago. I continued working part-time while studying. The tips were amazing, especially if I turned on the charm.
This was my new life, and I was going to make it work.
* * *
“You did what?!”Claudia scoffs.
We’re at our weekly lunch at Ruth’s Diner. I’m enjoying a spinach omelette and a glass of iced tea. I’ve just finished telling them my whole story. They already knew all about Izzie and Gavin (the love of my life). I’d even mentioned Adele and little Abe a few times. But this recent twist threw them all for a loop.
“I was on the spot… I didn’t know what to say. The movers were already there.”
Claudia shakes her head. “Who cares about the damn movers. You just don’t throw away what you and Noah had like that.”
“You mean Abe,” Mischa chimes in, a cup of coffee in her hand.
“Yes… Abe,” Claudia says. “I don’t care how fucked up your situation is… do you realize how hard it is to find love these days. Everyone just wants pointless hook-ups.”
I shoot her an apologetic smile. Claudia’s been separated for quite a while. Although not divorced yet, it seems hopeless. She’s been on the dating scene with no luck whatsoever. I do realize how lucky I was to meet Noah… Abe (again) but I’m just not sure we can get past our history.
