“What?!” I can’t take this. I’m going to lose my mind if he doesn’t speak soon.
He tugs at his t-shirt collar. “I… I could…” His words are broken… lost. He can’t seem to find them.
“You could what?”
He clears his throat. “I wish I’d done it differently. Every single day of my life, I wish—”
“You wish what?”
“I could have saved her,” he scoffs, his words thunderous in the large empty space. “I could have saved both of them. I was a fucking coward, Abby.”
My jaw drops. “What… do you mean?”
He dips his head, and presses his face into his hands. I know we’ll need to take it slow. He’s clearly wrecked, and I’ll have to put him back together piece by piece.
But I will, if it’s the last thing I do.
* * *
I’ve had quitea few horrible days in my life, more than most. The day my mother died was definitely one of them. Yet, it’s not been the worst. I was too young to fully comprehend the implications of not having a mother to guide me through life. And I didn’t quite understand the finality of death.
The day Daniel told me he was in love with another woman was difficult, but not the worst either. I never truly loved him the way I should have. If I had, that day would have hurt much more.
The day I found out about Izzie’s death was tough. It made me question everything. It made me cynical, but also made me stronger. She and I were already broken, and I suppose that eased the sting.
My worst day by far, was October 12th, 2002.
It started very much in the same way every other day began. I’d gone to work, finished a shift and came back home, the smell of popcorn permeated in the fabric of my work uniform; blue golf shirt with cinema logo and beige khakis.
It was dark, and I was dog-tired but I was still eager to see Gavin. I hadn’t spoken to him in almost twenty-four hours. I hopped off the city bus with a bounce in my step. I was heading straight to his place, but I was only halfway there when I ran into Simon.
He ran up to me. “Did you hear?”
What is it now?I remember thinking. We’d had so much drama at the park, I was sick of it.
“What now?” I asked.
His face fell. Simon was a cheery type, always smiling, despite the fact that he’d lost his little sister. I’d never seen him look so horrible. A chill ran through my spine. I knew something serious was up. My first thought was,Oh no…he did it again.I was convinced that our mysterious strangler had struck again. I wondered who was his latest victim. I thought of Kelly and Karla. I hoped it was Kelly.
“It’s Gavin,” he said.
My legs gave out at the sound of his name. I couldn’t stand. Simon reached for my arm, and held on as I kneeled to the ground on the side of the road.
“I’m so sorry, Abby,” he said softly. Like everyone else, Simon knew Gavin and I were close.
“Johnny and his gang got to him,” he said quietly. “They beat him to a pulp.”
I didn’t need to ask why? I knew Johnny had it out for him. He was convinced that Gavin killed Izzie, despite the well known fact that Gavin had been interrogated, had passed the polygraph, and had been dismissed.
People believe what they want to believe. People need someone to blame.
I lifted my gaze to Simon’s. “Is he okay? Where is he?”
“Last I heard, he was brought to the hospital in an ambulance.”
Ambulance…
A wave of nausea hit me hard. My vision blurred. Yet, I was determined to get to him. I inhaled a deep breath, and summoned all the strength I had. I told myself to get it together. I got back up on my feet.
