“That’s what people keep saying,” he tells me. “I just love her so much, Mischa. I don’t want anything bad to happen to her. I just want her to be happy. I can’t believe she’s been in so much pain, enough pain to hurt herself.”
“The pain feels good,” I say. “I know it’s crazy. I used to cut too when I was young,” I confess. This is something I don’t ever tell anyone. Even Brian doesn’t know — it was before I met him.
Joel turns to me, his eyes filled with sorrow. “I’m so sorry, Mischa.”
“It’s often just a phase,” I reassure him. “She has the support of her family… she’ll pull through. I know I sure did.” For me it wasn’t because of my family, it was because of Brian.
He shakes his head. “Therapy has been going okay… but there’s something about her,” he says. “Something she’s not telling us.”
“How do you know?”
“Just a feeling,” he says. “I can’t explain it. Lately, she’s been very distant… with both of us. She’s angry at Renee, and me… she can’t look at me.”
I mull over his words. Could Ava possibly know?
“Tell me about her,” I urge. “Tell me about the day she was born.”
“Well, let’s just say my parents were shocked,” he tells me. “I was only sixteen and I’d knocked up a girl. We’d just told everyone about our relationship and everyone was surprised about that already. You can’t even imagine how crazy the gossip got when the news about the baby broke out.”
“I’m sure it was insane.”
“Well, the thing was… Renee’s family is loaded. Her father’s a developer… that’s how our parents knew each other. My dad worked for him from the beginning, helped him build his business. When you have that much money, anything’s possible. Renee and I were able to keep going to school, while we hired a nanny to take care of Ava.”
My eyes grow wide. “Really?”
“Yep,” he says. “Renee has never had a very active role in child rearing. We’ve always had nannies, wonderful women who gave our kids everything they’ve ever wanted. And I always tried to make as much time for them as I could. Nannies can be great, but a kid needs a parent in their lives too, preferably both of them.”
“I completely agree,” I pipe in, captivated.
“We lived in the guest house at her parents’ for years. Meals at the main house, cooked by the lovely Estella, Renee’s parents’ personal cook and maid.”
“Looks like you married well,” I tease.
A hint of a smile traces his lips. “Well, that wasn’t the intention. I was in love.”
“Yes… I know… I just meant…”
“Despite the fact that I was only sixteen, and all my friends pitied me, I was secretly happy. I couldn’t wait to see this little person that Renee and I had made. I was shocked when she came out with a full head of dark hair.” He laughs. “But Renee’s dad has dark hair… I guess that’s where she gets it.”
My heart dives into my stomach. He doesn’t have a clue. He thinks Ava is his.
“She was the light of my life from the start. Renee didn’t bond much with her, but I sure did. We went on strolls to the park. I braided her hair and watched silly kid shows with her. I’d take her to the aquarium because she was fascinated with fish. When she turned three, she became obsessed with her play kitchen. We’d play restaurant. I was always the customer, and I loved to eat. Waffles and peas, eggs, fries and chocolate cake.” He smiles. “I had very strange tastes.”
This is so heartbreaking, I can barely hold in my tears. I’m welling up, and I turn my gaze from his. I stare at the shampoo bottles again to distract myself.
“Anyway… that was years ago,” he says, nostalgic. “Now we barely speak and she can’t even look at me.”
“I’m sorry,” I say. “Trevor has been a little distant too lately. Always playing video games.” I know it’s not the same thing, but it’s all I can find to say. I’m certainly not going to tell him the truth.
“And I think Renee hates me these days,” he says. “I’ve loved her all my life, and all she does is push me away.”
His words take me off guard.
“You’ve been at her store, right?” he asks.
I nod, itching to know where he’s going with this.
“You ever seen that slick silver fox?” he asks. “The guy I told you about… Grant?”
