He finally ventures a look at me. “No, that’s not what I meant—”
“I know. We both know… Iamcrazy. I’ve been obsessed with all of them ever since I found that photo,” I confess. “I even went to Renee’s store. That little black leather skirt you liked… I bought it at her shop.”
Brian cocks a brow, a little surprised, but not completely taken aback — he knows me too well, he knows how I get. “I get it. You wanted to learn more about them, about this girl, about the woman I betrayed you with.”
“I wanted to understand.”
“I’m so sorry. I thought if I ever told you, it would destroy us, Mischa. And I couldn’t take that. Tell me we’re okay.”
“I…” I’m at a loss for words. I honestly don’t know if we’re okay. I don’t know if I’ll ever get over this, if I’ll ever be able to handle this situation. Visions of Renee and Brian making love keep clouding my brain, and Joel is always there, at the back of my mind too. “I don’t know… Brian,” I admit. “I really don’t know.”
His face falls and his eyes darken. I wish I could tell him that I forgive him and everything will be okay. But I just can’t. Not right now, anyway.
“What happened after?” I ask. I want to know every single detail. How did he come to be so obsessed with this illegitimate daughter? Was Renee aware that he knew?
“When Ava told me she was ten, I was stunned and quickly did the math. I looked up at Renee and she looked terrified, flustered. She said they had to get back to their seats. I asked Ava when her birthday was, and with the most adorable grin, she said, ‘April 7th. You can get me a birthday present if you want.’”
I can’t help but smile.
Joel and I laughed, but Renee was still completely flustered. The next minute, they were gone, and I was left there, wondering what the hell had just happened. Had I imagined it all? Was I going crazy? What could this mean for us? What should I do?”
“What did you do?” I ask, eager to know.
He blows out a breath. “I tracked Renee down. Turns out she was living right here in Wicker Park too… just a short drive away. I couldn’t believe it.”
“I wouldn’t have either.”
He goes on with a heavy heart. “I found her at her store and confronted her. She said she could never know for sure, but Ava could be either mine or Joel’s. But I mean… she looks exactly like me.”
“She does.” She has Brian’s thick dark hair. Those eyes are not bedroom brown like Joel’s, they’re green and intoxicating like Brian’s. That chin dimple is all Brian.
“I told Renee I knew she was mine, and she told me she didn’t want me in her life. And that’s when I started looking at her Facebook. I wanted to see my daughter, I wanted to watch her grow up, turn into a young woman. I didn’t think I should tell you because she’s not really part of my life, or yours. Save for a little internet stalking…”
I nod quietly. What he’s saying completely makes sense, and not only because I love him. I probably would have reacted the same way, if I had found myself in a similar situation.
“Ava doesn’t know about you?”
“I don’t think so,” he says. “I would be shocked if she did.”
“What about Joel?”
“I don’t know.”
Does Joel know his daughter is not really his? Does he know his beautiful wife cheated on him years ago? Does he know what she’s really like?
And if not, should he find out?
Should I be the one to tell him?
Brian closes the distance between us when he reaches for my hand and takes it in his. I can’t look up at him. Instead, I stare at the diamond on my finger, the symbol of our union.
“It’s always been you, Mischa,” he says. “It was just one drunken night. I never loved her. You’re the one I love. It’s always been you.”
It’s always been you.
Those were the exact words he said to me the night we were engaged.
31
