“So you and Renee met in high school? Were you in the same grade?” I ask, wanting to know how old she is — it’s been driving me crazy. Her birthday is not listed on her Facebook profile. She must be about my age.
“No, we met through our families… our parents have known each other forever,” he explains as he selects another item of clothing for me — a cute black skirt with sailor buttons. “Our families used to hang out and vacation together. I’ve been in love with her since I was about six years old.”
A pang hits me. He’s crazy about her, and she treats him like a doormat. He has no clue what she’s really like.
“She was older than me,” he goes on. “Three years… I guess she still is.” He laughs.
Interesting… thirty-nine. I would have never guessed she was pushing forty — she hides it well. This new little tidbit of information makes me happy. I don’t know why. I suppose I take some twisted pleasure in her hitting her forties next year. I know I’m being wicked, but I can’t help it. Despite the fact that I’m completely fixated on her, I still don’t like her.
And it’s not because she’s tall, beautiful and slim. It’s because she strikes me as narcissistic and materialistic — she loves herself a little too much. She’s the kind of person who has always had everything handed to her. Everything has come so easily and she takes it for granted. And she oozes sex… there’s no way Joel’s been her only one. I get the feeling that there’s been a string of men throughout their relationship. I’m not sure how I know this exactly — perhaps it’s just the way she carries herself.
“I was only fourteen when she first seduced me,” he tells me. “She was seventeen and took my virginity. We were secretly an item after that.”
My jaw is on the floor. That’s bordering on pedophilia. I suppose she was only seventeen. I think about my boys… they’re fifteen and thirteen and I can’t imagine them having sex, especially with a senior. They’re too sweet and innocent. I’m appalled.
Joel is laughing. “You should see your face right now,” he says. “I’ve completely traumatized you.”
“A little… yes.”
“Hey, trust me… I was a willing participant.”
“I bet… so did your parents know?”
He shakes his head. “No way. We kept it secret for the next two years.”
“Two years!”
He nods. “Crazy, right? But what can I say… that’s Renee.”
I’m still shocked. Yet… I realize it’s not that different from my relationship with Brian. I was just sixteen when we met and he was a nineteen year-old rocker with a nose ring and tattoos. I think that’s why I was drawn to him — I liked that we were so different. But in the end, it turned out that we were actually very much the same, and meant to be together.
“And she was there when Ricky died. I don’t know how I would have survived if it weren’t for her,” he goes on. “My parents just closed in on themselves, and she was all I had.”
His words break me — how horrible that must have been. I’m glad he had someone there for him, even if that person was Renee. I can see that he truly loves her.
I’m now overloaded with clothing. “I think I should go try this stuff on,” I point out. “Or I might topple over.”
He smile. “Yeah, you go do that. I’ll just browse the men’s section.”
My heart is beating a mile a minute as I enter the change room. The walls are covered with stick-on flowers, and a red velvet chair sits in the corner. Three oversized hooks are up a little high for my liking. A tall sleek silver framed mirror centers the space. I shrug out of my clothing and slip into the polka dot dress. As soon as I zip it up, I know I’m taking it with me. It fits like a glove. I get giddy at the idea of showing Joel. I slip on the black pumps. They’re a little too big, but that’s okay because they’re just for show. I wobble out of the change room, and call out to Joel.
He scurries over, and I turn to the tall mirror between the two change rooms. I stare at our reflection.
“Wow. That looks amazing on you, Mischa. You gotta get it. If you don’t, I’ll buy it for you.”
I turn to him and shoot him a playful smile. “I think I will… get it.”
I stare at my reflection again. The dress is a little more wild than I usually go for, but it makes me feel like a new person, and the feeling of being someone other than yourself is priceless. Because as much as I don’t like to admit it, sometimes I really do hate myself.
In the end, all I get is the dress. Partly because I’m sticking to my monthly budget, and partly because the other pieces don’t really speak to me. Joel ends up buying a cool t-shirt. The vision of him modeling it for me will stick in my mind for a long, long time to come.
There’s a bounce in our step as we stroll back toward Juliette’s studio, where we say our goodbyes. I watch him walk away as he heads to the parking lot in the back of the studio, and when he’s finally out of sight, I set out to go back home.
He’s such a good person, and I hate the way he’s being treated. I get the sense that Renee has always had a power over him — I mean, he’s been in love with her since he was six. How could she not? Does he know what she’s doing to him?
Of course, I could never say a word. I’m not in a position to interfere in someone else’s relationship, no matter how fucked up it might be. And there are two children involved. How would Ava react if she were to find out that the man who raised her was not her biological father? That would mess her up good, and I could never do that to the poor girl.
Unfortunately, there’s just nothing I can do.
