Hi, Mischa. Thanks for accepting my friend request. Are you going to class this Thursday? There’s this cool store nearby I thought we could check out.
The speed in which I respond is appalling. I don’t even consider it for two seconds.
Yes, I’ll be there. Sounds great!
I drop my phone and bury my face in the sheet I’m folding, ashamed of myself.
On a scale of one to ten, my mood is a ten, and I hate the fact that my mood can be so easily affected by a single human being who’s not even in my circle, in my life. He should not affect me so. Brian and the boys, perhaps my girlfriends, should be the only ones who have that power.
But as it were, my dysfunctional brain has sunk its claws into Joel — he’s my newest obsession, and to that end, about ninety percent of my thoughts are unfortunately devoted to him. If he only knew how crazy I really am, I’m sure he’d have nothing to do with me.
Or perhaps, he’d want to help me. He’s such a caring and giving soul.
* * *
Every grinhe shoots my way throughout the class sends a frenzy of butterflies whirling in my stomach. I know it’s all chemical; dopamine, endorphins, adrenaline — those feel-good hormones my brain is inundated with every time I see him. I remember when Brian used to have that effect on me too, but twenty years together has faded that over the years. Unfortunately, he cannot compete with a new crush, with that not-quite-knowing what’s going to happen next. I know why I’ve so easily made Joel my new obsession, because he makes me feel good… excited. He’s my new addiction.
We’re sittingacross from each other, sipping our smoothies. Freshly showered, he’s looking as sexy as always, and if looks weren’t enough, he actually has a book with him. It’s sitting next to his smoothie. The cover is yellow, green and red; beautiful artwork. The title reads:The Four Agreements, A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom.
God, how I wish it were that easy. Read a book and attain freedom from all your personal demons. The only person I need freedom from is my wicked self.
He grabs the book. “I wanted to show you this book… it’s one of my favorites. I read it every year to remind myself of what’s really important.”
I nod, quite interested.
His smile fades. “I hope you don’t mind me saying this,” he starts off slowly, “but there’s something a little sad about you.”
His words cut like a knife. Iamsad. Very sad. I was hoping he hadn’t noticed.
“You often seem to be lost in thought, like you’re struggling with yourself, like you’re unsure. You don’t seem quite at ease.”
I realize that Joel is an extremely intuitive person, and perhaps that’s what has attracted me to him so fiercely. And all along, I thought it was just those eyes and that smile.
He hands me the book, and I study the illustration; four leaf designs — they almost look like cannabis leaves. Truth be told, it looks a lot like some hippie granola nonsense. Of course I humor him, and flip through the pages and feign interest.
“It’s a really simple concept,” he tells me. “Basically, the first agreement is to be wise with your words, which I fully live by. Lord knows, I’ve regretted some of the things I’ve said to people, after the fact.”
“Me too,” I say. “I think every single person on earth has.”
“The gist of the second agreement is ‘it’s not about you,’” he goes on. “I think we generally focus on ourselves too much. We never take into account what could be going on with someone else.”
I nod, in complete agreement.
“The third one is ‘Never make assumptions’ because when you make assumptions, you’re bound to be disappointed.”
“So true.” That’s exactly what I just did. I expected him to be there for every class, and when he wasn’t, I was incredibly upset.
“And lastly, do your best,’” he says, “It that’s simple. It doesn’t need to be perfect, as long as you just do it.”
I smile. “Like Nike says,Just Do It.”
He grins, and I realize there’s so much more to him than his good looks and charm. He’s really progressive and very emotionally intelligent, and that’s exactly the kind of friend I need right now.
“Can I borrow it?” I ask, and I mean it. He’s managed to convince me, quite easily.
He smiles. “Of course… that’s why I brought it.”
I sip the last of my smoothie. “So about that store you mentioned… are we still doing that?”
