Prologue
August, 2007
“When one door closes,another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.”- Alexander Graham Bell
Dear Journal,
Well, I finally slammed that door in Blake’s face for good. And I’m not going to stare at that stupid door and cry in my pillow. No, I’ll march forward and open some new doors. It’s been a long time coming. This time I’m not going back to him. I’m tired of this roller coaster. We’re toxic to each other.
Every time I look at him, my insides still melt, but he hurts me so much. He keeps pushing me away, and reeling me back in, like I’m one of his shiny fishing lures. I just can’t take this anymore.
I’m so over him. He’s my past, and I’m ready for my future, a life somewhere far away. I’m ready to leave this stupid town, with its pathetic little Main Street, mosquitoes, and the constant fish smell floating in the air. Everywhere you turn, there’s someone in your face. “How are you, Maeve? Are you and Blake still an item? You two are so adorable together. I saw him with Sandy Miller, and I wasn’t sure…”
Ugh… yes, he was with Sandy all right, and a few others too. I’m so glad I never gave myself to him. I know I would have regretted it forever. I wanted to… so many times, but something told me we weren’t ready. Well, I wasn’t anyway. He sure was. I guess that’s why he did what he did with Tessa.
Prom night was it… the last straw. I’d been looking forward to prom all year. Everything was perfect. The dress was flawless; a bustier top and pretty flowy skirt in sheer pink chiffon with pretty embroidery and matching sparkly sandals. Blake even got me a pretty corsage for my wrist. I have a feeling that his sister and his mom had a little something to do with that.
He looked so handsome in his tux. He was smiling when I slowly made my way down the stairs, and looked at me like I was the prettiest girl he’d ever seen. In that moment, I thought that we might be able to make this work. I pictured us married, with two or three little ones. Just for a second, I allowed myself to go there.
It started out okay, but as the night passed, as we all got a little tipsy, he pulled from me again. I danced with my friends and told myself that boys just don’t like prom. He drank more and more, and he drew farther and farther. I knew he was drinking himself into a stupor again, and I went to look for him. When I found him pressed against Tessa McClean, his mouth on hers, a hand up the short skirt of her slutty fuchsia dress, I knew this was it. I knew we were done.
I’m going to miss my family so much, but I have no other choice. I can’t simply walk away from Blake – he lives next door, and my best friend, Mandy, just happens to be his twin sister. And if that weren’t enough, his older brother is engaged to my big sister. Everywhere I turn, he’s there. I’ll never get over him if I don’t get away.
And obviously, there’s more to it than Blake. I’ll always be reminded of what happened to Daddy if I don’t run far away. I miss him every single day. I miss his silly jokes, those big green eyes of his, and that crazy red hair, the way he owned a room as soon as he walked into it. Blake is a lot like that too.
Every single day, Daddy would give me a hug and tousle my hair. “What’s up today, Maevy baby?” he’d ask with that playful grin. I miss watching Seinfeld reruns with him, whipping up some pancakes together on Saturday mornings, and fishing on lazy Sunday afternoons.
Every time I look at Blake, I think of Daddy. He’s like him in so many ways, but it’s not just that – just the sight of Blake reminds me of what happened. And although I know it’s impossible, I want to pretend that cold February day never happened. I want to escape far away, and pretend Daddy is at home, sitting in his favorite chair, doing his crossword puzzles, fishing, mowing the lawn, shoveling snow, and driving Momma crazy with his usual shenanigans.
I need to walk away from it all. This scholarship is my opportunity for a new life… a new start. University of Vermont is a good school, and I’m looking forward to a career in business or fashion. I’m looking forward to opening all those new doors, meeting new people, living new experiences, stepping out of my comfort zone, and becoming a little more adventurous.
I don’t know if I’ll ever find someone again. I don’t even care at this point. I just want to get away, and turn the page.
I want to start a new chapter.
Later, Journal.
M
