He lifts his eyes to mine, and I want to reach for him, but I know I’ll just scare him off, anger him further. “From the first moment I met you, I fell for you, Eli. I’ve wanted you so badly ever since. You’re all I think about, all I can see when I close my eyes at night.”
I inch closer, tentatively. His eyes pull me in. “It was never about them. It was always about us.”
He reaches for my hand and wraps his long fingers around mine. I close my eyes. “Can I tell you a secret?”
His eyes are locked on mine. He nods quietly.
“I wanted you so badly, it hurt,” I tell him. “When I ended things with us, I was a wreck. The realization that we would never meet, never touch, never taste each other… it hurt so much. I was devastated when I realized that John was unfaithful, but a small part of me was excited… excited for us. This was our chance to finally be together.”
He pulls me into his arms, and I bury myself in his chest and inhale him. “I’d do it again,” I confess. “This week was the most amazing time of my life. If it was the only way to be in your arms like this, I’d do it again. A million times.”
“I can’t imagine what it will be like to never have the chance to touch you again,” he says. His words burn a slow flame. I desperately want to be with him one last time.
I lift my gaze and venture a look up at him. “I didn’t want to end things badly… we deserve more than that.”
His lips curve, just a hint of a smile. “You look like hell, by the way.”
“You look beautiful,” I say.
He cups my face in his hands, and draws my mouth to his. I melt into him. I disappear. He pushes his heavy weight into me and presses me against the wall. He tears my jacket off swiftly, and pulls down my zebra pants in one swift move. He’s not quite himself, but I love it.
A part of him hates me. And a part of him loves me.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
HE’S ROUGH WHEN HE takes off my boots. He’s on his knees and I want him to look up at me — I want to see his beautiful face. I want to memorize every detail. He licks a trail up one of my legs, and I’m not sure I can take much more of this.
I kneel and reach for the fly of his pants, wanting to taste him one last time. When I wrap my mouth around him, he groans softly — the sound drives me crazy.
He pulls my hair and draws me to him again. His mouth is hot on mine. He claws at my t-shirt and pulls it over my head. My breasts are bare, my nipples hard. My hair is a wild untamed mess around us.
“Fuck, you drive me wild,’ he breathes against my skin.
I want to drive him wild. Just as wild as he makes me. I want us to drive each other crazy forever, even if we never touch again, never speak again. He’s a weight in my heart, lodged there until my dying days.
I reach for his shirt and slide the thin fabric along his smooth skin. I lick the curves of his chest. He tastes so good — I was already starting to forget how delicious he is.
One last time.I want to lick every last drop.
He slides his mouth along my neck. “I need to grab a condom,” he whispers. “Don’t move.”
I’m cold without him. I’m standing against the concrete wall in nothing but my cotton undies. I close my eyes, anticipating his return.
I half expect him to take me savagely against the wall, but when he returns, he reaches for my hand.
I follow him to the red sofa. It’s covered in a hodgepodge of colorful cozy throws, and a fluffy pillow.
He leans back into it and pulls me in. I sit on him, and my mouth searches for his in the almost-darkness. We kiss softly, sweetly. “I love you,” I say so quietly, it’s barely a whisper.
I hadn’t planned to tell him I loved him, but he deserves to know. If we never share anything again after this night, at least he’ll always know that I loved him.
“I love you too,” he whispers, “but I think you knew that already.”
This moment is bittersweet — it’s perfect, but it also hurts so much. “I’ll miss you,” I tell him.
He kisses me again. His lips cling to mine, sweet and soft. “I’ll miss you too… so fucking much.”
His sweet kiss turns salty as his tears hit our lips. I pull away. I don’t want to taste his pain. “I’m so sorry.”
