I heard the shots. Movement outside had me look out to see the man running away, but it was only for a second before I raced to find them. Both dead. I didn’t scream or yell. Didn’t even run to them. Why would I? Their brains were on the ground. No CPR or mouth-to-mouth was needed. They were dead, and I just looked on. I helped the only way I could. I called the cops. They even questioned for a second if I did it since I seemed so detached till a paramedic said I was showing obvious signs of shock. Similar to what’s happening now. I’m too shocked by everything to feel more than the movements that keep me moving forward.
But I’m tired of just going through the motions. I want to live in them too.
Before, I would have been too scared to do anything but walk away. But Tommy, despite everything, taught me not to fear him. Not really. And I learned how to speak up for myself. Well, with him only, it seems.
I pull my bag up on my shoulder and walk back to his office. He might not want to see me, but he’s going to deal with it. He might accuse me of stealing, but I plan to tell him he was the one who stole something too.
My heart.
And he doesn’t get to keep what he broke.
He might not care, but it’s something I need to say. For me.
If my life is going to be about something other than survival, then I need to take this time for me. To do what I want. I won’t get a chance again. If this is the last time I can look at a man and tell him I love him, even if he doesn’t feel the same, then I’m going to take it.
I have nothing left to lose.
My heart’s already gone.
What could be worsethan that?
Chapter 33—Tommy
Idon’t flinch when the lights come on.
I barely move.
Still—I’m caught.
“Tommy, why are you sitting in the dark?”
“Contemplating life.”
Dante laughs. I don’t. Things have been fucked before. Just not like this.
“What’s the mighty playboy thinking so hard on? Which girl to get with next? How tiny we can get away with for the servers’ uniforms? Come on, man, you’ve got no issues.”
He flops down onto the couch opposite the one I’m sitting on in the club’s office. It’s quiet. Been like this for a while. I sent everyone home an hour ago so I could think. I came here earlier this morning when I couldn’t sleep. No one even saw me come up. All eyes were on the stage, where Trixie was doing an interesting new move involving her and a very enthusiastic volunteer holding a cucumber.
I had to get out of the penthouse. I needed space. But going home wasn’t an option. I knew I would only think about her, and that wouldn’t help. The point was to focus on things beyond her.
But it was a mistake coming to the club. Because this is where I found her. Where I thought things were one thing but turned out to be something else.
“Seriously, man, what’s up? You don’t seem good. Well, not like your usual lately. That ballerina dump you or something?”
“Or something.” I sigh and rest my head back on the couch, staring up at the silver tiles I had put in. It’s meant to make the place look classy and moody all at once, matching the tone of the rest of the club.
All I see now is a bad disguise for what this place really is: a depressing strip club.
“Did you know Carl was stealing from us?”
“The club?”
I straighten up to look at him. “Thefamiglia. He was taking large amounts from the club since he started.”
“Damn. Good thing he’s dead, huh? That should end it.”
I shake my head. “He wasn’t working alone.”
