I can’t look at Valen. I talk faster, my hands aching from my grip on my cup. “What I didn’t expect was the curse to become, well, clever? It took advantage of my inexperience with my young grimoire and managed to corrupt my Entropy Thread. It tried to use it to escape the grimoire, to devour my soul. Thankfully, I have two souls now, so I don’t think it matters if it manages to take half. Jinx is not convinced, but she’s overprotective?—”
Valen’s voice rasps, “Astoria?—”
I cut him off. “It works! For seven years, I lived and thrived here with my threads co-existing and my curse able to grow and consume without the soul price. It’s genius.”
“It’smadness.” He leans forward. “Where do I even begin? You ripped your soul apart? I have never, ever heard of anything like that. The long-term effects? The consequences when you perish? Astoria!”
“I’ll be dead then, so who cares?—”
“And you’ve created a bloated, overfed dark magic livingthingthat is smart enough to try to work around the prison you made.” He rubs his forehead. “How much have you fed it?”
“I don’t know.” I pick my nail along the rim of my cup. “I never knew if it had grown enough to be noticed until today.”
His teacup clicks on the floor beside his scuffed shoes and he uses both hands to scrub his face. “Fucking madness. No wonder we’re in this mess.”
My heart pounds, a wave of sickness making my head spin. “It was that or die, Valen. I had few options whenyourfather was too cowardly to keep his word!”
“You were starting to exhale smoke, Astoria. Of course, he was scared. We were all scared. He didn’t know if being Heir would even save you at that point.”
Lucas takes his hands out of the bowl and Nora snaps at him, “Don’t you dare! Cooked fingers go back in the potion.Now.”
The liquid splashes and his gaze darts between Valen and me. “Let me get this straight. You have two Soul Threads and either are going to kill you? Unless you feed the curse? Which you do with your grimoire? What happens if you accidentally feed the curse too much? Or feed it not enough? Like if you’re drained of power after a big fight? What would happen then? Can you regenerate your own magic fast enough? Would the curse be able to crawl up your Entropy Thread after and eat you then?”
My lips part, but there are too many questions, with no answers for me to give. I close my mouth with a quiver.
Valen sighs, his hands slipping down to cover his mouth. He scans me. “I sensed the damage within your soul after the museum and thought it was curse corruption. I never thought it was something you inflicted upon yourself. Now the Creation is too diminished, and the Entropy is ravenous. That’s why you’re so cold to the touch. The black flame is consuming you like it did your mother.”
My lips tremble and I can’t answer for fear of his reaction. I fell into the black ocean of my soul. I embraced my Entropy magic and it was saturated with corruption. I don’t know what itmeans, but I do know the symptoms of the black flame from my maternal line’s diaries.
Lucas’ eyes are on me and I stare at my tea. His voice is hushed. “Is this why Jinx doesn’t transform anymore?”
My breath shudders, the tea sloshing in my cup. “She said it takes too much from me. She feared the imbalance. And then there’s my shop’s heart.”
Valen’s eyes flare. “Father said you use Entropy magic on it.”
I nod and gasp, my throat tightening. “It’s okay as long as I time it right. I’ll feed the pentagram six months from feeding the curse. But…” Dread fills me, chilling my bones. “Sometimes they overlap.”
“Why? Because the compulsion to feed it is too strong?”
I flinch at Valen’s snapped words. My lips thin. “I’m in control. I just did too much too fast this time.”
“Are you? What happened to make you off balance?”
Lucas is pale. “The Arachnomicon.”
My eyes brim with tears.
Lucas’ shoulders drop. “This is my fault.”
I gasp, “Lucas!”
“I didn’t contain the book properly. It got free and bit me.” His eyes shine. “And then Jinx transformed to save us.” His hand lifts to rub his brow, but drops it back into the potion. “Oh fuck, I’m so sorry, Tor.”
“No!” Shame drips inside me and my breathing is out of control. Guilt grips my chest so tightly that a tear escapes my eyes. “Don’t you dare take the blame for my stupidity. It…” The words burn in my throat and my pride fights me tooth and nail until I finally gasp, “It’s because of me. All of it.”
Because the temptation to read another Dual Thread’s grimoire overwhelmed my common sense. I only thought of myself instead of the danger Lucas was in. I chose to secure my vault instead of helping Lucas with the spider.
Then I almost got us killed at the estate because I am corrupted, so far gone that I cannot see the symptoms clearly. I kept too many secrets, tried to bend too many rules of magic. Tried to save myself without giving a damn about anyone else in the process.
