He arched a brow. “You’re doing that thing you do when you want to say something but are holding back.”
I paused. “What thing?”
He nodded at my hand. “You rub the center of your palm with your other hand.”
I immediately stopped, not realizing I was doing that. Also more than a little freaked out that Calder already noticed. I was with Graham for years and he didn’t even remember my favorite ice cream—sesame.
He turned off the car and faced me, concern etching his brow. “Was it too much?”
It took me a moment to realize what he meant.
“What! No. No.” I shook my head. “Not at all.”
Calder opened his mouth as if to speak, then paused, eyes lifting over my head toward my building. His jaw clenched, eyes going dark.
I turned to see what he was looking at when Calder grabbed my chin, pulling my eyes back to his.
He thumbed his lower lip, regarding me. “How many spoons?”
Something had changed. I wasn’t sure what, but the air was heavier. Even though he talked to me, he seemed elsewhere. Distant.
The urge to lie and say I was fine and at a ten was strong. So strong, I almost answered. But then my gaze snagged on the earnest look in his eyes, and I replied honestly.
“Six.”
He nodded to himself, likegood.“I don’t want to put you below five. So, what is it?”
“I want you to wear your mask,” I said. “I want you to break in my room again and…” I rubbed my palm, not caring he knew what it meant. “I want you to force me.”
Calder’s eyes darkened. “That requires a lot of spoons.”
I nodded, because,yeah, it did.
He gripped my chin between his thumb and forefinger. “So rest up, Maniac. And I’ll see you Saturday.”
chapter
forty
CALDER
Butcher waited outside of Shay’s apartment. I walked Shay to her door, shielding her from him and purposefully ignoring his existence.
She didn’t seem to notice.
I waited for her to get inside and in the elevator before turning to him.
“Nice place,” he said, hands in his pockets, leaning against the brick facade. “Did you know this used to be a hole? After the housing collapse a bunch of contractors went bunk, so for over a decade this was just?—”
“What the fuck do you want?” My neck itched.
What if I hadn’t been here? What if Shay was alone and he?—
“You really need to work on your hellos,” he said.
“See, I was thinking I needed to get better at goodbyes. They don’t seem to be sticking.”
Butcher kicked off the wall, illumined under a flickering streetlight. My eyes landed on the now-visible blood drenching his shirt.
