“You should’ve found a way... If I were so important to you, you should have found a way. I-I needed you.”
The way her voice breaks when she admits to needing me makes my chest ache. Her fingers swipe the tears streaming down her face and I want to drop to my knees and kiss her pain away. But I can’t. I’m frozen in place.
“I wrote you,” I bite out, gesturing to the stack of crinkled-edged envelopes. “Even after the letter you never received, I still wrote to you.”
Her eyes flick briefly to the stack of letters, but she shakes her chin as her expression hardens. “But you never sent them.”
Something snaps inside of me. “You don’t get to act like you were the only one hurt in all of this. You cut me open, too, Wren. I left, yeah, but so did you.” My chest heaves. “But I guess it all makes sense now. I didn’t think you’d wait for me, but a part of me hoped you would. It was all explained in a letter our moms decided not to give you. It hurt to see your face on a goddamn magazine cover, smiling on another man’s arm. It gutted me. I felt like my heart was left bleeding out on the floor.”
She smacks her hand against the wooden coffee table. “Four years, I waited. I went to college, earned a degree, and still never heard from you. You.Abandoned. Me.”
“Everything is so fucked. Yes, I know I fucked up. I left without a trace, but I didn’t have a choice. I wrote you after basic, but that didn’t matter. I made a mistake, I screwed up, but I’ve never stopped caring for you, Wren.”
“If you truly cared, you would have tried harder. Even after not hearing from me. Something, anything to talk to me and explain everything.”
I growl, collapsing back on the couch. I feel defeat creeping through my limbs. “Months went by, and I lost myself in training. I never forgot about you, but I needed to grow up.” I sigh, struggling to find the words to explain my actions when I don’t even fully understand them.
“When I finally felt like I was in a place worthy of your love, it was too late. One of the guys received a tabloid from his girl while we were stationed in the Middle East. It was the first time I’d seen a recent photo of you in years, and what a shock it was, Wren. To see you on the cover, wrapped up in someone else. To know that you were lying in someone else’s arms, him loving you, when all I wanted was that for us. I know I had no right to be angry, not with all the years between us, but it didn’t hurt any less. You looked happy. I wasn’t going to ruin your life again.”
“It was—” Her voice breaks again, and she pauses to take a breath. I hate how I’m causing her so much pain. “It was survival. You don’t know what I went through…what he—” She stops short, lips clamping shut, eyes widening as if she almost revealed something she didn’t mean to. “Forget it. It doesn’t matter now.”
Leaning forward, I drop to my knees and move around the coffee table until we’re next to each other. My thigh brushes against hers, and she gasps at the contact.
“It does matter.”
The overwhelming urge to touch her pierces through me. I want to grip her face between my hands and beg her to forgive me. To put the past behind us and start over. I don’t even care if it’s asfriends—well, I don’t know if I can simply be friends with Wren. But I’d take whatever I can get. The awkward interactions and tension are suffocating me.
Fuck it.
Risking her rejection, I reach up and use my thumb to wipe away her tears. It tortures me to see her cry.
“It’s too late, Jett.” Her voice is quiet, resigned.
“It’s not too late, baby. As long as I’m still breathing, I’ll keep fighting for you. For us.” I pause, letting my words sink in. “You’ve always been it for me. I’ve known since I was thirteen that it was you and me. If I have to beg for your forgiveness every day for the rest of my life, I will.”
“I hate you,” she whispers brokenly.
“I hate me too,” I admit, feeling every bit of hatred I’ve bottled up for years.
The storm outside howls harder. The lights flicker on once. Twice. Three times before plunging us back into darkness.
For a second, we just breathe each other in. Our breaths, ragged and in sync with Mother Nature’s wrath.
“You shouldn’t have come.”
Maybe she’s right. Maybe I should have stayed away with my secrets and the box full of moments we can’t get back. But I don’t regret coming. Not when the air is alive, thick with anger and longing and spilled truths that have the power to bring us back together instead of keeping us apart.
Chapter 14
Wren
Mychestheavesassilence wraps around us. I can no longer focus on the dangers swirling outside when the man who could destroy me is sitting next to me.
He has more to say, and with every piece he shares, I know I’ll forgive him. And as selfish as it sounds, I’m not ready for that. I can’t accept that he didn’t have a choice. Because if I accept that, then everything I’ve gone through was for nothing.
I should go back to the bathroom and pretend he’s not here. That’s the safest option, at least for my heart.
But safe has never gotten me anywhere. Safe got me bruised and beaten in LA. Safe got me hollow. Safe left me running until I landed back here.
