Zoe brought up the rear, her job to keep an eye on things from behind and make sure the alpacas behaved and that the children were coping, though she felt rather redundant because she was certain their foster parents would be doing the same, despite having an animal of their own to walk with. She didn’t mind – she was simply happy to be out in the fresh air and fragrant fields, getting to know people she was finding interesting and pleasant. She was intrigued by their lives, the decisions that had led them to fostering, and there were so manyquestions buzzing around her head she didn’t know where to start. There were some she felt were perhaps too invasive as well, and so she tried to frame the one that would be the easiest place to start to Linda, who was walking ahead of her.
‘I have to take my hat off to you – it must be a lot of work and dedication to foster.’
Linda turned briefly and offered a polite smile. ‘People always say that to me. I think what they really mean is how can you take care of a child who isn’t yours? And sometimes they really want to know whether we foster as a replacement for children we can’t have.’
Zoe flushed, though Linda had turned her gaze back to the fields ahead and so didn’t see it. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…’
‘It’s all right,’ Linda said amiably. ‘I can see why people are so curious. It’s not a decision anyone would take lightly, and we were just the same. It’s true, we can’t have children, but we have room in our house, and we love what we do, and since Iris and Joseph came into our lives, we don’t mind that so much. In fact, I sometimes wonder if it was meant to be, so that we’d be able to offer Iris and Joseph a home.’
‘Don’t you worry about when they leave? They don’t stay with you forever, do they? I mean, if there’s a chance they could go back to their families, they go, don’t they?’ Zoe lowered her voice. ‘Sorry, am I supposed to talk about that with them so…?’
‘We don’t hide anything from them,’ Linda said. ‘We believe it’s important that they understand their circumstances, though we also make sure they know that even if they leave us, they’ll always be a part of our family and they can contact us any time.’
‘It’s hard to give them back, though? Are they your first?’
‘No, we had Jayden for about two years. We still get emails from him, but not so many these days. But that’s good – it means things have settled for him with his mother…At least we hope so. We can be fairly confident that social services check everynow and again, and we’ve made it clear we would always have him back if he needed us.’ She nodded towards the two girls, who were walking ahead with the other couple. ‘Mandy and Dave are in the process of adopting Kiera. Her mother died shortly after they took her in, and her father isn’t in a place to have her back, so…they’re hopeful it will go through because they absolutely adore her. I’m sure it will – they’re great parents, and she loves living with them.’
‘What about Daffodil?’
‘Her situation is all up in the air – I’m not sure anyone knows how it will pan out. She’s a sweet girl, and they’ve become very fond of her too. I bet they’d adopt her if they could. Who knows? Time will tell, as they say.’
The line came to a sudden halt as Joseph’s alpaca decided she liked the look of a clump of tall grass poking from a hedgerow and started to chew on it. Joseph giggled as he ripped off some more and began to wave it around in front of her face.
‘Give her a minute,’ Victor said, grinning from behind his beard. ‘You can’t come between Alice and her snacks.’
‘She won’t bite his fingers?’ Linda asked.
Victor laughed. ‘Oh no…she doesn’t like the taste of fingers at all. She’s right gentle – she’d make sure what she got in her mouth was leaves before she started to chew. But…’ He went over and took some grass and showed Joseph how to hold it so he didn’t get nipped by accident as he fed it to Alice. Joseph watched as she chewed, eyes wide with delight.
Iris dropped the rope she was holding, leaving her alpaca standing alone as she raced over. ‘Let me try!’
‘Here…’ Victor took some of the alpacas’ favourite treats from his pockets and led her back to her own animal. ‘Why don’t you give Ottilie some of these? It’s not fair if only one of them has snacks, is it?’
Once again, he showed her how to do it without getting nipped, and the little girl let out a peal of laughter as Ottilie began to hoover the treats from her open palm.
‘It tickles!’
When she was done, Alan dashed over with some sanitiser to clean her and Joseph’s hands. Victor watched but said nothing, even though Zoe could hazard a guess that he might consider it overkill. But then, Victor was a grizzled old farmer who’d probably built an immunity to all sorts of germs during his life working with animals – he wasn’t built like everyone else, who probably ought to take a few more precautions.
‘Come on then.’ Victor clicked at the nearest alpaca. ‘Let’s get moving again – got to earn your keep, right Alice?’
Alice’s dark, docile eyes fixed on him for a moment as if in answer, and then she began to walk once more, keeping a steady, gentle pace with the rest of them.
Linda helped Joseph take hold of the reins again, and all the time he walked at her side, he barely moved his eyes from the creature’s face, as if entranced. Zoe fully expected him to ask if he could keep her once they’d finished their trek.
She smiled as she watched all the children walk with careful steps, making regular checks on their animals in much the same way as their foster parents were doing with them. She’d understood on some level all along that being infertile didn’t mean her life had to be empty, but here she was, presented with real evidence. The two couples seemed so happy, so complete, and their charges were so obviously the reason they got up every morning that Zoe wondered if there was a way she could have some of that in her life. To an extent, she would because there was Louisa, and Zoe had vowed to be as positive an influence in her life as she could be. Could she make an even bigger difference? There had to be a way – even if it wasn’t fostering or adopting. Being childless didn’t have to mean she was useless.
Today was going to be the start of a reset, she decided as they crested the hill and the whole of Windermere was laid out before them, buffeted by a gentle spring breeze and dressed in velvet green. She didn’t have to see her situation as something negative, but as time and space to make a difference to someone else’s life, just as Linda had done. She wasn’t sure yet what that would look like, but until she found out, perhaps it would be a good idea to lay some foundations, which meant fixing mistakes she’d recently made and getting her life on an even keel once more. And she knew, with absolute certainty, where she had to start.
Zoe swallowed, her tummy doing somersaults as she waited for Virginia to answer the phone. She’d tussled with this plan for the rest of her weekend, and had then decided to take the bull by the horns at the first opportunity she had, which, if she wanted to keep it from Alex for the time being, would have to be during work hours. Which meant work hours for Virginia too. She could have emailed, of course, but worried that her emails might go through a secretary or intern of some sort before they reached Virginia herself, and that was far from ideal given it was a personal matter.
‘Hello…’
Not Virginia. Her assistant, perhaps? It hadn’t occurred to Zoe that someone else might answer, but now that fact seemed silly.
‘Hi…I don’t suppose Virginia is around?’
‘She’s away from her desk. If you leave your details, I can ask her to return your call.’
