‘Shabana…this is Fliss,’ Lavender announced. ‘She used to be one of the partners here. Actually, she founded the surgery!’
‘Oh…!’ Fliss waved Lavender to stop. ‘Hello, Shabana. It’s lovely to meet you.’
‘You too – I’ve heard a lot about you,’ Shabana replied.
Fliss stuck out a hand with a short laugh. ‘I’ll bet you have. I hope it wasn’t all shocking.’
Lavender grinned. ‘We’d never! We have only good things to say about you, obviously!’
‘I should…’ Shabana glanced towards the hallway that led to her office, and Fliss gave a brisk nod.
‘Of course. Don’t let me hold you up.’
‘I should probably get started too,’ Zoe said as Shabana left them. ‘A lot of people to see today. How long are you staying? Have you seen Simon yet?’
‘I caught up with him first thing, but I expect I’ll see plenty of him now I’m back. I had wanted to say hello to Emilia, but I believe she went out on an early home visit.’
‘She ought to be back any time.’ Lavender looked pointedly at the clock. She rarely made any attempt to hide the fact that she didn’t care much for the newer of Fliss’s replacements. The feud had started at Christmas of the previous year, and even though everyone assumed it was about their different opinions of Christmas and that it would blow over with the end of the festive season, for Lavender at least, it didn’t seem to have done. How Emilia viewed it was anyone’s guess because she didn’t give much away when it came to personal feelings, and she rarely let them get in the way of her job. If not for Lavender bringing it up through barbed comments and double meanings, everyone else would have forgotten it had ever happened.
‘I’m so sorry, but I really have to get on,’ Zoe said, hovering around the idea of giving Fliss a brief hug to welcome her back but wondering whether it would be appropriate. But then her instinct got the better of her, and she threw her arms around their old GP, taken by surprise when Fliss returned it with almost as much enthusiasm. She was famed for her lack of sentimentality and even rarer displays of affection, so it was a nice surprise to Zoe and, in her current mood, very welcome. ‘It’s good to see you back and looking so well. I can’t wait to hear about your travels when Charles gets that lecture organised.’
Fliss let go with a sonorous laugh. ‘For goodness’ sake, don’t go giving him ideas that people might actually want to see that!’
In her office, Zoe switched on her computer and logged in. Her thoughts turned back to the unofficial consultation she’d been hoping to have with Emilia. It crossed her mind that perhaps she could have asked Fliss because her dizzy spells really were plaguing her thoughts more than she’d care to admit, and she needed to talk to someone about it, but Fliss was retired now and wouldn’t thank Zoe for asking her to diagnose a vague collection of incidents for fun. It was a vague collection of incidents, wasn’t it? Zoe was worrying over nothing, wasn’t she? It’s what she’d tell someone else in her position, that they didn’t know anything for sure and there could be all sorts of reasons for the strange episodes and the mood swings and other odd things.
Not for the first time, she’d considered the fact she may be pregnant. But she’d taken more than one negative test and, besides, she’d been pregnant before. Although every pregnancy was different, even for the same woman, it hadn’t felt anything like this the last time. Perhaps that in itself was significant? The last one had ended in tragedy. Perhaps the fact that she felt so different this time was a good thing? And perhaps the testsshe’d done so far were only negative because sometimes that happened, even when the pregnancy was there.
She could have asked Simon, but though she knew he’d take her concerns as seriously as he did with any patient, somehow she couldn’t quite bring herself to see him. It was hard to say why. Not because he was a man, because she was far too practical for that sort of thing, but if not that, then what? Deep down, perhaps it began and ended with the plain fact that hewouldtake it seriously, and there was a part of her that didn’t want anyone to take it seriously because then she’d have to admit that therewassomething wrong with her, and she was doing her best to stay in blissful denial for as long as she could. Emilia would take it seriously, but she took everything seriously, and Zoe knew her so well, she could almost pin any worries on that.
While she had a brief gap in her schedule, she opened the window and allowed a fresh breeze to blast through her office. The surgery radiators had been turned right down now that the weather was improving, but some patients had complained of a chill in the air during early-morning appointments. They were mostly the older patients, and none of Zoe’s mums had said anything, which she’d been thankful for.
Sitting down at her computer again, she took a deep breath and opened up her calendar.
Five minutes later, the phone ringing on her desk made her jump. She grabbed for it, disorientated for the merest moment before pulling herself together.
Lavender’s tone was irritated. ‘I marked your first arrival on the clinic list ages ago – is everything all right? I thought you might have called her in by now. Your second has just walked in as well.’
Zoe flushed. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t…’
How had she missed the pinging notification on her computer? Hadn’t she been sitting in front of it all this time? She glanced at the clock with a vague sense of panic that she didn’t know where the previous few minutes had gone and what she’d been doing with them.
Pull yourself together, Padbury!
‘I’m so sorry, Lavender – I got distracted by some filing. I’ll come through now. Is Emilia back yet?’
‘No. What do you need her for? Aren’t you feeling well? I can get Simon if?—’
‘I’m fine. There was something I wanted to talk to her about. It can wait.’
It would have to wait, but Zoe was beginning to realise that all the avoidance in the world wasn’t going to make whatever was happening to her go away, and the sooner she faced it properly and dealt with it, the better.
4
Alex’s warm hands landed on her shoulders. Ordinarily, it would have flooded her with affection, and she’d have twisted in her seat to see him smiling down at her and waited for him to announce he’d finished in his office for the day before planting a kiss on her ready lips. But today, as she was curled up on the sofa and Billie was out of the way bathing Louisa, Zoe was reading something on her phone with a furrowed brow, her mind racing. When Alex came in, as he always did, it only made her jump, and she shut down the page with a squirming guilt in her tummy.
‘Sorry…’ he said with a laugh that was half humour, half confused. ‘I didn’t mean to startle you. Everything all right?’
‘Yes, of course. I was reading something. I didn’t hear you come in, that’s all.’
