Ash winced. “I still should have let you tell Noah.”
“Maybe. But you were going through something life-changing. I don’t, like, begrudge you those decisions. I would’ve been the same. Worse, probably.” When Ash didn’t look convinced, Spencer stepped forward slowly. “I’mgladyou had us. Me and Ryder. I’m glad that when you reached out for help and support we could give it to you. Everyone deserves that.”
Out of nowhere, tears began flowing down Ash’s cheeks. Spencer’s stomach dropped, and he quickly closed the distance between them. “Hey, no.” He took Ash’s face in his hands, brushing the tracks away with his thumbs. “I’mthe crybaby, not you.”
Ash sniffed and grabbed Spencer’s wrists, locking him in place. His watery eyes narrowed in determination. “I have a crush on you. I’vehadone for a while.” He let out a breath. “I mean, at first I thought you were hot, but also the older brother’s best friend is kind of a cliché, so I ignored it. But—but then Ryder and I started spending time with you, and every time we showed up, you acted like it was the best thing ever, and the crush just got so, so much worse. And then I went into heat, and I smelled you … I smelled all of us … and I wanted you for keeps. Ryder too.”
Somehow, of all the things Spencer might have expected Ash to say, that hadn’t been among them. He knew now that Ryder and Ash wanted him, but he thought maybe he’d grown on them over the course of the heats together. He hadn’t expected to hear they’d been wanting him the whole time. He cocked his head. “And you didn’t want to tell me all that before?”
“I thought it would freak you out. I wanted time for you to feel it too. How good it could be. But I got … muddled, I think. Hormonal and possessive and confused. I made a mess of it. I shouldn’t have made you keep it from Noah for so long. I knew it was stressing you out, and I was selfish.”
Spencer nodded slowly. “Selfish, huh? Funny, I’ve been accused of that before.”
Ash scowled. “Well, you’re not. You’re needy. It’s different.”
Spencer tried to bite back his grin. “You think I’m needy?”
“Yeah. It’s hot. Sweet too.” Ash’s fingers tightened around Spencer’s wrist, his grip almost painful. “Listen, I know I’m not good like Noah. But I’m loyal and I have a lot of fucking love to give. It just … looks different. But I won’t let anyone hurt you or mess with you. Not ever if I can help it.”
The amount of really sweet fucking things Ash was saying was kind of short-circuiting Spencer’s brain, but Ash seemed to take his silence for hesitation.
“I think you’re fun,” Ash hurried to say. “Even when you think you’re being annoying. And you’re sweeter than anyone knows you are. And you just … fit. With us. And I’ve got all these new feelings and urges, like—like cuddling. And I’d hate that with anyone else except you and Ryder. But I know with you it won’t be terrible. You’ll make it, like, silly and easy somehow. Probably sexy too. And I’ll feel safe and happy even if I don’t want to.”
Spencer completely lost the battle to hold back his grin. It was like he suddenly couldn’t stop fucking smiling if his life depended on it. Despite the way Ash ran his mouth sometimes, Spencer had never actually heard him say so many words in a row. And they were all so fuckingnice.
But Ash still looked panicked, like maybe Spencer wasn’t convinced by his words. Spencer lowered his head to knock his forehead gently against Ash’s. He could do words too. “You don’t have to be good,” he soothed. “Ilikethat you’re a dick sometimes. You make me laugh. And I never have to worry if you’re annoyed with me, because I know you’ll tell me straight up. And then when Ryder and I get to see you soft and sweet ina way no one else gets to … that’s pretty fucking amazing, don’t you think?”
Ash’s grip relaxed, and he just stared, like Spencer had spoken a language he didn’t quite understand. Probably he and Ryder had gotten so used to their wordless communication thing he’d forgotten what it felt like to have nice things said about him.
Spencer let go of Ash’s face and sat on the office chair, patting his lap. “Come here.”
When Ash still stood frozen, staring, Spencer tugged him down with an arm around his waist, then wrapped both his arms around him. Slowly, Ash relaxed in his hold.
God, it felt good to hold him, outside of sex or a heat. It felt even better to smell his pheromones mellow, some of that harsh, panicked edge dissipating to let that marshmallow sweetness break through again.
They sat in silence for a few minutes, at least until Spencer’s brain got the best of him. “What if you two get sick of me?”
Ash let out a tired laugh and dropped his head onto Spencer’s shoulder. “We won’t.”
He sounded so fucking certain. “How do you know?”
“Because every time you’ve shown us a side of you that you think is terrible, we’ve only liked you more. And because Ryder and I are both the type of people to latch on to what we like and never let go. We’re keeping you.”
Well, Spencer wasn’t going to argue with that. Ash nuzzled in against Spencer’s neck, apparently not done saying really fucking wonderful things. “I want to beat you atMario Kartthree times in a row. I want to show up wherever you are and have you happy to see me. I want to push you around sometimes, and I want you to like it. I want to watch Ryder be sweet to you, and I want to learn. Kiss you on the neck because you crave it and then bite you hard, because that’s what feels right.”
Spencer was sort of melting into his chair now. He felt warm and loose, almost drunk because it all sounded so damn good.
“What about you?” Ash asked as he toyed with the neckline of Spencer’s shirt. “What do you want out of this? What—what do youneed?”
God, that was a good fucking question. One Spencer hadn’t asked himself in a very long while.
He took his time before answering, running his hand along Ash’s back because it felt so nice to touch him. “I guess I need to bear down and study for a while. I’m on an academic scholarship, and I’ve been letting things slip lately.” It hadn’t been freaking him out as much as it might have in the past, but it was still a tiny anxious knot in his stomach he needed to address. Spencer thought some more. “I need to go back to therapy and straighten out some of my crooked thoughts. And I need to reconnect with Chase and Noah a little, patch over some of the cracks.”
“Study sessions and therapy and time with your roommates?”
It was clear from Ash’s tone of voice that none of that had been in the direction he’d been expecting.
Spencer hid his grin in Ash’s curls. “Yeah. How much do you hate that?”
