Noah picked up right away, not even giving Spencer a chance to speak before he blurted out, “Spencer? Where are you? Everyone’s worried.”
Noah didn’t sound accusatory. He sounded … worried, just like he’d said. Spencer was stunned into a moment of silence. He supposed that, despite Ash’s reassurance, he’d been expecting a much more vicious greeting.
Noah swore softly. “Spencer?” he coaxed. “Do you need me to come get you?”
Why did everyone seem to think Spencer was stranded somewhere? He had his own car. “No, I—I’m at my mom’s.”
“Is she being nice?”
“She made me a sandwich.”
Noah huffed. “You must look terrible, then.”
Spencer didn’t know what to say to that. He spun his paper plate around on the coffee table. “Noah, I’m sorry. So sorry. I should have told you sooner. I?—”
“Spence, no,” Noah interrupted. “Fuck,I’msorry. I shouldn’t have snapped. I know what Ash is like.”
Spencer frowned down at his lap. “It wasn’t just Ash. It wasme. I wanted—” Spencer broke off. What he wanted was too big and too scary to say. “I could have easily walked away. I didn’t want to.”
“That’s your choice, dude. Just … if you don’t want anything long-term with Ash, you gotta be up-front, okay?”
Spencer tried to parse through the meaning of that statement. It didn’t sound like Noah was warning him away from his brother. It almost sounded like he was giving permission.
“You’d be … okay with that?” Spencer asked. “With long-term?”
“You’re one of my best friends. Why wouldn’t I be okay with it?”
“I mean, I’m me.”
There was a pained silence, long enough that Spencer felt like he’d done something wrong again, and then Noah said softly, “Yeah, you’re you. And I love you, man.”
“What about, like, my reputation?” Spencer asked. It wasn’t like Chase or Noah had ever judged him before, but what was okay for strangers wasn’t always okay for family. Spencer might not have had brothers of his own, but he still knew that much.
“You like sex. You think that makes you toxic or something? I just don’t want to hear about it with Ash. Ugh, or with Ryder either. He’s brother enough to make it weird.”
Spencer took all that in, sniffing when his nose became unexpectedly runny.
“You crying, bud?”
Spencer shook his head, even though Noah couldn’t see him. Also, he definitelywascrying. “It’s just been stressful, thinking you’d hate me forever.”
“It was shitty of me to talk to you like that.” Noah let out a harsh breath. “Listen, I’ve done the secrecy thing. So has Chase. Nobody’s perfect. Come home. I owe you dinner. I owe you more than one. I came in too hot, even though Eli told me not to.”
Spencer wiped at his eyes. “I guess that’s the advantage of dating someone older. Someone gets to be wiser.” He and Ash and Ryder could probably use some of that, but the thought of inviting a fourth into their dynamic had Spencer’s rarely woken alpha hackles rising.
No. No fourth. Spencer getting his therapist to spout wisdom would probably have to do.
“So you’ll come home?” Noah asked.
“Will there be cuddling?”
Noah laughed. “Shit, yeah. So much cuddling.”
“All right. Let me say goodbye to my mom first.”
Spencer half dozed in front of the TV as he waited for his mom to come home. He felt calmer than he had in ages. The secret was out, and no one was going to be left completely in the cold, and now it was just up to Spencer to face the things he wanted and the fears they brought along with them.
He just really, really hoped he wasn’t wrong about what Ash and Ryder had been implying.
