“C’mon those aren’t the same as birth. Women poop on the table during birth, their vaginas can tear, it’s maybe the most grisly and vulnerable way to see someone.”
“And you think I wouldn’t want to be there to support you?”
It was simpler to tell myself that if he wanted to be there, it was to see his baby enter the world and take her first breath, not to support me, but it felt like a disservice to him to admit that. He’d been nothing but supportive since moving in, it shouldn’t surprise me he had the same aspirations for birth.
He merged onto the highway, and I was grateful the road required his full attention so he couldn’t see my face.
“You don’t want me there?” he asked quietly, and the hurt in his voice was unmistakable.
“I just—it’s complicated. I’ve never done it before, it’s scary.”
“So, who would you have there instead?”
“Kate?” She’d helped me come up with the birth plan (albeit a very simple one: induction if we make it that far, hospital, meds if I want), and was the first person I thought of whenpondering who I wanted to help me usher new life into the world, and with it, ushering me into a frightening new chapter of life. She’d been by my side looking over me since I was born, whereas I blushed when Barry looked at me for too many seconds. Reasonably, she was my first choice.
“I have to think about it, okay?”
Barry did not look like this was okay, but after a long silence with his jaw clenched, he jerked his head in a nod and clicked on the radio again, a move I was thankful for this time.
CHAPTER 35
THE POTLUCK BABY SHOWER
The first road trip of the year resulted in two losses—one to San Jose, one to Anaheim—and a win against Vegas. Barry had to miss my latest doctor’s appointment, which he hated, but I FaceTimed him in so he could listen in and ask his usual questions—what do we need to look for? How does she know if the contractions are real? Is Mama doing good?
“Mama’s doing great work growing this baby,” Doctor Ramirez said, warm as could be.
Barry was full of wonder watching the ultrasound, as he always was, and I heard him sniffle a couple of times. The absolute sap. The baby moved her hand like a wave, and Barry laughed.
“Hi little baby,” he said.
Per usual, he charmed our doctor’s pants off. Before we wrapped up, she asked if we thought baby would take after her dad’s career path.
“I for one hope she takes after mine,” I said.
Doctor Ramirez grinned. “And what’s that, dear?”
“Janitor,” I reported.
She blinked, and when I didn’t back off, she laughed.
“Or a surgeon, hockey player, whatever she wants,” I added.
“Whatever she wants,” Barry echoed, all fondness in his voice.
When I hung up, she admitted she loved hockey. Thought Barry was one of the good ones.
I had to agree.
We still hadn’t talked again about the birth plan, which I knew was eating at him, but I told him I would think about it and Iwasthinking. I was just, also, really freaked out about the whole thing.
The team got back on Friday, and Saturday was the baby shower at Hunter’s house. Hunter was basically the nicest woman on the planet, texting me to ask things I liked for the party, telling me she would take care of everything, but I was still nervous. I carpooled with Kate and Jeremy while my parents and Barry were already there to help set up. I would’ve come early, too, but I’d been nursing a headache all morning and Barry insisted I sleep as long as possible.
When the three of us showed up to the Nilson household with two Crock-Pots and various bags of food, both of my siblings oohed over the house. Rightfully so.
“Do they have a pool?” Jeremy asked as we walked up the path.
“Of course.”
