He raised an eyebrow, and she blushed at having been caught in her perusal. “That would be lovely,” she replied, choosing his cravat as the safest place to look. “I shall go fetch my pelisse.” She hurried past him into the corridor and up the stairs to herchambers. She could have asked one of the maids to retrieve it for her, but she needed time to collect herself. Perhaps a great deal of it.
Kate took a few calming breaths as she donned her pelisse, bonnet, and gloves. When she no longer had any excuse to delay, she descended the stairs. James’s words drifted through the open door, his voice rich enough to carry as he recounted a tale to her mother about a recent dinner party. From Hugh, she knew that he had traveled extensively and was a frequent guest at many social functions. Surely they had not kept him so busy that he could not have come to see her.
She twisted the ribbon on her bonnet, unanswered questions pulling at her nerves. She had expected to see him each time his family returned to Brenton Hall, but she had not caught even a fleeting glimpse of him.
No matter. If he had not paid her any mind during their years apart, he certainly did not need to know how often she had thought of him. She straightened and surveyed herself in the gilt-framed mirror.
“Compose yourself, Kate,” she whispered to her reflection. “Brown eyes and broad shoulders are not a reason to lose your resolve.”
The floorboards in the corridor creaked. Kate stopped short. James leaned against the doorframe, clearly fighting a smile that told her with agonizing clarity that he had overheard every word. She glared at him, cheeks warming as she fought to reclaim her dignity.
“Shall we?” He pushed off the doorway and offered his arm, smooth and composed. The practiced speech she had rehearsed suddenly felt less reliable. The few minutes apart had done nothing to steady her nerves, yet she would face this.She was a lady, after all, even if her own reflection seemed to be telling her otherwise.
They moved onto the path that wove through the garden, the faint honey scent of snowdrops in the air. The wind tugged at her bonnet ribbons. Kate loved this space almost as much as she loved the wild fields beyond. Her father had commissioned the garden for her mother shortly after their wedding. It bloomed year-round, even now at the peak of winter.
Neither spoke. The only sounds were the distant chirping of a bird and the crunch of gravel underfoot. She must say something. Anything. “It is a pleasant afternoon despite the wind, is it not? I had begun to fear we might never see the sun again.”
“Come, Kate.” James stopped. His palm covered hers, his thumb shifting faintly against her glove. A shot of awareness ran through her at his touch, “Are we truly going to speak of the weather? We have known each other nearly all our lives.”
The low timbre of his voice made her shiver despite her warm layers. She chided herself for her reaction. “True, but may I speak candidly, Lord Brenton?” At his nod, she continued. “I feel as though I am standing beside a stranger. The last time we saw each other was shortly after your father passed.”
Raw emotion flashed across his face. Kate instantly regretted her words. Before she could apologize, his expression shuttered like a window slamming closed. He released her and resumed their pace.
“Thatwassome time ago,” he admitted. “But even though we have certainly both grown since then, I am not so different from the James you knew.”
If he believed he was the same, then perhaps he did not truly see her either. Fighting the brim of her bonnet, she tilted her head so she could study his profile. No, he was not the same James. The gravity in his demeanor belonged to a stranger. Gone was the boy she had once devotedly followed.What would it take to bring him back?
“So you have plans to build a raft of fallen logs and row me out on the pond?” she teased.
A genuine laugh broke from him, turning the somber earl into a reflection of her childhood friend.
“Do not forget that, though guilty, I had two accomplices in almost every act of mischief.” A spark of amusement flashed in his eyes. “In fact, I believe you were the one who dared Hugh and me to smuggle Mr. Brown’s goat into the drawing room without your aunt noticing.”
She laughed despite herself. Those childhood days had been idyllic, and she wished she could reclaim even a little of the freedom she had enjoyed then. She met his gaze, her eyes crinkling with amusement at the memory.
“Yes, I suppose I did. Though I shall never understand why two boys ever permitted a young girl to follow them about.” Her smile came easily now. Speaking of their childhood had erased some of the awkwardness between them, and in its place, a comfortable ease was forming.
“I do not think we could have stopped you if we had tried. You always spoke your mind and shared your schemes, even if they usually ended with us in muddy clothes and animals in our pockets.”
“I am thankful the frogs were the last live creatures I discovered in my bed.”
His smile faded into a wistful curve. “Yes, well, for that, you can thank my father.”
When she said nothing, he continued. “After he heard about the frog incident, my father pulled me into his study and lectured me for close to an hour regarding a gentleman’s conduct.” James straightened, as if giving a recitation. “‘A gentleman does not ever mistreat a lady, especially not the one he is expected to marry.’”
Kate stiffened at his words.Expected. Even now, it sounded less like a choice and more like a duty already decided. She did not wish to steer the conversation in this direction, but she could not help her curiosity. Despite all the talk amongst family and friends, the two of them had never openly discussed their parents’ matchmaking schemes.
“So was that when you learned of your parents’ wishes for our union?”
“That was the first day either of them spoke to me about it openly.”
“And did you consider the idea . . . disagreeable?”
“Disagreeable?” James’s brows shot up. “Not at all. You were a friend, and I was an eleven-year-old boy whose mind was occupied with thoughts of fishing, sneaking tarts from the kitchen, and leaving for Eton with my best friend. Marriage seemed far in the future.”
“And how do you view it now?” She dreaded his answer, but she needed to hear it.She needed to understand why he had re-entered her life at the most inconvenient time.
James regarded her thoughtfully and nodded toward a weathered wooden bench at the edge of the path. “Perhaps we should sit?”
