The officer nods, striding up the driveway toward me. "We got a call that you've been camped on Mr. Jamison's porch all morning. I understand that you were asked to leave."
Oh, I'm going to kill him.
"Uh-oh," Olive whispers.
"I'm just trying to talk to the man."
"So…you have been on his porch all morning after being asked to leave?" he asks.
Gulp.
"Um…"
"Lying to an officer during the course of an investigation is a crime, ma'am."
"Maybe so, but you're interrogating her and haven't Mirandized her first," Olive says, her hands on her hips. Maybe I should watch more Law & Order if it taught her that.
"Fine." Office Pornstache cuts his eyes at me before he clicks a button on his radio. "Dispatch, mark time for Miranda."
"Oh, shit," Olive breathes, her face paling.
I gulp audibly.
"You have the right to remain silent," Pornstache recites, his eyes locked on me. "Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you. If you decide to answer questions without an attorney present, you have the right to stop answering at any time and request an attorney. Do you understand these rights as they have been given?"
"Yes," I growl.
"Now, can you answer my question truthfully, please?"
"Fine," I say, exasperated. "Yes, I've been on his porch. And yes, he did ask me to leave. But he also asked me on a dateafterhe asked me to leave."
"Right," Pornstache says. "I need you to come with me, please."
I may be losing it because, for a split second, I actually think about running. But I'm in heels, the cop looks fast as fuck with his long ass legs, and I don't ever run. There's not a chance in hell that I'll get away. And he already knows my name. It won't be that hard to track me down. Making this worse for myself is not going to help matters at all.
Killing River will absolutely make me feel better, however.
"Can't she just leave on her own?" Olive asks the officer.
"No," he says, sounding exasperated. "I'm taking her in for trespassing. You can't just take over someone's porch. You had food delivered, Ms. Knudsen."
"Are you kidding me right now?" I cry. "He kisses me, tries to blackmail me into going out with him, and then has me arrested?"
"Hold the freaking phone!" Olive gapes at me. "You two kissed?"
"That's beside the point!"
"No, it's definitely the point. You kissed him."
Officer Pornstache looks between us and then sighs. "You two are going to have to discuss this life-altering fact later. For now, Ms. Knudsen needs to come with me."
"Surely this is illegal!" I protest.
"Lady, you're the one camped out on the man's front porch," he points out.
"Fine," I growl, stomping down the steps toward him. "Then hurry up and take me to jail so I can file charges on him forblackmail and extortion. Can you please come to jail and bail me out?" I toss over my shoulder to Olive. "And don't you dare tell Lilah. If I have to hear her say I told you so, my head is going to explode."
"I'll be there," Olive says solemnly, already rushing to her car.
