If only it wasn’t going to cost me everything—Austin, my marriage, this beautiful life I was finally letting myself fall in love with.
Shaking out of his stupor, Levi said, “I’m sorry. Did you say youkilledhim? As in, you took action that resulted in his death? What the fuck, Arizona?”
Already, he was looking at me differently, like I was someone he hardly knew.
“Look, I know how it sounds,” I began. “But I can explain.”
His disbelieving exhale sounded. “Can you? Really?” A hand ran through his hair. “I knew you were keeping something from me, but I never could have imagined . . .”
There was a long pause as he seemingly collected his thoughts.
“I don’t understand. How could you have killed Austin’s father when you said you never met the guy?”
“No, what Isaidwas that he’d never been in the picture. Which is true. He never once laid eyes on Austin.”
“Don’t pretend like you didn’t know what your word choice would imply,” Levi accused.
I dropped my eyes to the floor. “You’re right. It was purposely misleading.”
His heavy exhale was audible. “How did your mom get involved with someone like that?”
My biggest secret was already out in the open; might as well spill all the rest.
“She didn’t. I did.”
When I dared to look at him, his brow was wrinkled in confusion. “What?”
“I’m the one who gave birth to Austin, Levi.”
His eyes darted to my midsection, where that ugly, raised scar was hidden beneath my clothing. “But I thought—You said—”
Pretty sure I’d broken his brain with that piece of information.
Levi shook his head. “I’m gonna need you to go back to the beginning.”
I hauled in a deep breath, mentally preparing to lay myself bare.
“Did you know I was a gymnast?”
His brows drew down. “How does that have anything to do with—”
“I was good.” I cut him off, needing to get this out before I lost my nerve. “Really good. By the time I was fourteen, there were already whispers that they expected me to make the nationalteam and compete in the International Games. Then—” I sucked in a sharp breath, the pain cutting sharper than a knife, even though it had been seventeen years. “Then, my dad died.”
“Arizona, I—” Levi rose from the mattress, reaching for me, but I stepped out of range.
“I know what you’re thinking. Girl loses her daddy and goes off the rails, but that’s not what happened. It did, however, fuck me up enough in the head that I wasn’t focused when I returned to competing shortly after the funeral. Vault was my specialty; you’d have thought it was automatic with how flawlessly I executed even the most complicated of twists. But I under-rotated, came down wrong on my right foot, and an entire arena’s worth of spectators was there to watch as my leg snapped like a twig.
“I’d never felt anything so excruciating in my entire life. By the time paramedics loaded me into the back of the ambulance, my throat was raw from screaming. They pushed morphine during the ride to the hospital, and the pain relief was pure bliss.
“After the repair surgery, I had opioids prescribed to me. They acted like magic, erasing the pain not just from my leg, but from everything in my life.”
Compassion swam in Levi’s eyes; he likely knew where this story was headed.
“When I ran out, the agony was indescribable.” I shuddered, that feeling so fresh in my mind. “I could barely function, shaking and sweating, my nerve endings on fire.
“A classmate recognized the signs of withdrawal and passed me a note, saying she knew a guy who could help and listing an address where I could find him. I didn’t think twice about it. I was that desperate to make the pain stop.”
I paused, musing, “Sometimes I think about, if I hadn’t gone there that day, how different my life would have turned out. But the truth is, I would have probably hooked up with another drugdealer, and the outcome could have been worse. I could have wound up dead from an overdose.
