Eleven
Zamir
Fuck, I wanted anothertaste.
My hunger had been quiet since I fed from Keoni, but one taste of Nolan's life force had it roaring again. It'd been so potent, so powerful. All the life forces I'd tasted in my life—including the human ones—paled in comparison, and I wanted more.
I shook my head, swallowed hard against the hunger burning my insides, and glared at Nolan.
"Why did you do that?" I demanded again. I needed an answer, needed him to tell me it'd been an accident, that he hadn't ignored my request because he felt like it, because hethought he knew what was best for me. It would make him too much like the man I'd run away from all those years ago.
Nolan sighed, and for a moment, I could see his age on his twentysomething face. He looked tired. No, not tired. Defeated.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to trick you like that. It's just... Zamir, I can feel your aura, your magic, and it's weak. It tells me you didn't feed as well as you should've, that you haven't eaten enough inyears."
"I take what I need."
Nolan shook his head, then squeezed my hand, like he was worried I might pull away.
"No, you don't. I can see that you don't, and I want to help."
I shook my head as my heart started racing again. No way. I couldn't risk that. It'd been years since I'd been full, and I didn't know what I would do if he gave me free access to his life force. I might hurt him. Or worse.
"Zamir, I..." He trailed off, his brows furrowed as he struggled to say what he wanted to. "Give me a minute."
He shot to his feet before I could say anything, and hurried toward his bedroom. I watched him go, my mind a mess. My eyes went to the exit, and I contemplated getting up and leaving. I'd text him later safely from the Sanctuary, and we'd figure something out.
Before I could make up my mind, Nolan returned with an old, leather journal cradled in his hands. He held it like it was the most precious thing he possessed, and he settled beside me, then held it out to me.
"What is it?" I asked as I took it, careful to be gentle.
A sad smile flickered over his face. "An album. Memories of all the people I've loved. And lost."
I glanced down at the thick tome, and my heart ached for him. I'd never lost someone I loved. I'd never gotten to know my mother, and any love I'd had for my father had disappearedlong before we parted ways. I couldn't imagine losing Keoni, Shade, or one of my other friends, and here Nolan was, carrying a lifetime of loss. His hesitation about our bond was understandable. If I were in his place, I'd have closed off my heart a long time ago. And yet he'd let me in.
"Some of them," he murmured as he traced his fingers over the worn cover, "I lost to old age. Some were killed, others died in accidents. Some got sick. I couldn't do anything for any of them. I couldn't save them." He shook his head, then met my gaze, his green eyes pleading. "But I can help you, Zamir. Please. Let me help you."
I swallowed hard, weakening against his insistence. But no. I couldn't do it.
"I don't want to hurt you."
"You won't."
"You don't know that."
"You won't hurt me, Zamir. You're my mate."
I sighed. How did I get him to understand? "I will, Nolan. I will hurt you, because that's what monsters do."
His grip on my hand tightened, almost painfully so, and I could see some of his fire dragon side shine through his eyes. "You're not a monster. Why would you ever think that?"
"I am," I said, a sad smile on my lips as I thought about the night I'd discovered that fact. "All shtrigas are."
I knew I couldn't convince Nolan, not until I told him about it. About that night. So, that was exactly what I did.
****
"Can Ireallydo it myself?" I asked, hurrying after my dad as he led the way through the woods.
