"You're not a monster, Zamir," I pressed, though I doubted I'd convince him. "I'm old, as I'm sure you can tell, and I've lost people. A lot of people. I'd promised myself I wouldn't open my heart to anyone, not until I felt like I could do it without falling apart."
Zamir's eyes softened, the brown flaring with warmth as he reached for me, as his warm hand wrapped around my wrist. "I can understand that. Why did you tell me now?"
"Because watching you faint terrified me, and I realized I already cared about you. Even if I hadn't told you, I wouldn't have been able to stay away. And I hoped that telling you might make you tell me why you fainted. You still don't have to. I just... I can't lose you."
Zamir was quiet for a moment, and I wondered if he was searching for a way to get out of saying anything. He squeezed my hand, and I met his warm gaze. "I'm hungry," he said, one shoulder rising in a half-hearted shrug. "It's nothing serious, I promise. You don't need to worry. I'll eat as soon as I get home, and I'll be good as new."
The cheer in his voice sounded fake, strained, but I ignored it for the moment, focusing on his words instead. He'd fainted because of hunger? Why had he gone so long without eating in the first place? I imagined he had an arrangement with some of his friends at the Sanctuary. They must let him feed on their life forces so he didn't have to feed on humans.
Who knew when the Sanctuary's door would start working again, and I couldn't let Zamir starve until then, not when we had a much simpler solution at hand.
"You can feed on me."
Zamir
"What?" I jerked my hand away and leaned back into the couch, grateful when Muffin slid between us like a buffer.
Feed on Nolan? I'd rather die.
I'd been right. Nolan was my mate. He was my mate, and he hadn't told me. Not because he didn't want me, but because he had his own baggage to contend with. It made me feel a little better, like we were on a more even footing. But this offer...
I'd fantasized about the day I'd find my mate, imagining what I'd say to him, how I'd act. I'd imagined many scenarios, but none where I didn't even recognize them.
But that was what had happened, and instead of showing Nolan my best side, so far I'd done everything wrong.
First, I'd gotten drunk. Then I'd made him take me home when he barely knew me. I'd curled up on the floor with his pets instead of using the very nice couch he'd readied for me. And, the pièce de résistance, I'd fainted in his arms like a dude in distress.
As if that wasn't horrible enough, he now wanted me to feed on him.
I hated feeding from my friends. No way in hell was I going to feed frommy mate. No matter how clinical I tried to make it, consuming someone's life force was an intimate experience, and I'd be damned if my first moment of intimacy with my mate involved me consuming his life force.
"You need a life force, right? Well, I have one. A strong one at that," he said, as if it was that easy. As if every time I fed on someone didn't change me deep in my soul, didn't leave the proof of my parasitic nature on my skin.
"No."
"No?"
"I won't feed on you."
"Why not?" Nolan asked, his confusion clear on his face. His green eyes sparkled with an inner glow, and I didn't have to taste it to know his life force would be potent, stronger than any I'd ever tasted. Which was exactly why I could never, ever feed on him.
If I got a taste of him, I was afraid I wouldn't stop until I consumed all of him, proving once and for all that I was what I'd always believed myself to be: a monster.
"I won't, and you can't convince me. Drop it, okay?" I stood up with no destination in mind, then remembered the bathroom he'd pointed out last night.
I left him sitting on the coffee table, and closed myself in the small bathroom as one of the dogs—Muffin, judging by the sound of those whines—scratched at the door and demanded to be let in.
I ignored the dog as I turned to the sink, catching my gaze in the mirror as I reached for the tap.
Tired brown eyes stared back at me, the corners tight and drawn. The hunger was getting to me, and it would be so easy togo back out there and accept Nolan's proposal, to lean closer to him and suck his life force out of his mouth.
It would be strong, his life force, spicy and warm like the drinks he'd made me last night, and it would spread inside me, fill me with warmth, with vitality. I wouldn't have to feed again for months.
I shook my head and pulled down the collar of my turtleneck. The purple streak coiled around my collarbone was enough of a reminder of why I couldn't. I had to feed on my friends to survive, and I hated it. I didn't want that type of connection between Nolan and me. I didn't want to think of his life force when I looked at him.
Cold water spurted out of the tap as I turned it, and I splashed my face, rubbing at my beard when I remembered the dog drool.
My skin felt cold when I finally turned the tap off, and I stood there for a moment as water soaked into my sweater. A single droplet trailed down my chest, and I shivered, then reached for the towel hanging on the back of the door.
