“You being hot and sweaty definitely didn’t help,” he chuckled. We were full-on flirting, and I loved every second of it. Being around Mateo felt easy. There was banter between us that made it seem like we’d known each other for years, not just a few short weeks.
Sensing the boards coming up behind me, my feet did backward crossovers without a second thought. My blades glided over the ice as I came around the bend of the rink.
“How do you do that?” Mateo asked with awe in his voice.
“Do what?”
“You didn’t even look over your shoulder to see the boards coming up, yet you turned perfectly,” he elaborated.
“I’ve spent so much time here that I know the rink like the back of my hand. It’s just subconscious to know where to turn,” I explained.
“That’s insanely impressive.”
I shrugged. “The same could be said about you. You’ve spent so much time on the field that you know every square inch.”
“True, I never thought of it like that,” he mused.
I dropped my tone as if I was an older man talking. “Don’t worry, young grasshopper, I’ll teach you everything you need to know.”
Mateo snorted. “Wow, you should become an impressionist.”
“Right? Maybe I have a career outside of skating, after all,” I joked.
“Have you,” Mateo hesitated for a second before he continued, “thought about what you want to do once you’re done skating? Totally not implying that you should be done with it. You can skate until you’re fifty if you want,” he quickly tacked on.
“Don’t worry, I didn’t take it that way.” I twisted on my skate so I was facing forward again and slid up next to him. We skated at a slow pace. “I know I’m not old by any means, but I am on the older side of figure skating. And I’m not naïve enough to believe I can keep doing this for another eight years.”
I looked out in front of us, feeling him glance at me every so often. I swallowed the newfound lump in my throat. Talking about leaving felt like someone reaching into my chest and ripping my heart out.
I’d spent more than half my life skating and training to be in the Olympics, trying to be the best of the best. I had a lot to show for it. Four medals is nothing to laugh about.
Peopledreamedof getting one medal, so it wasn’t like I failed. As cocky as it sounded, my name was well-known in my world. Hell, I'd had it mentioned alongside the greats, and if I were to get gold this Olympics, I’d be one of the only women in figure skating to get all three medals.
But, even with all the accolades I still felt…less than? Like I still had to prove I was worth being here. It was stupid, and I knew it. But irrational fears were just that—irrational. And now, I had to think about retirement on top of it.
I spent so long just focusing on getting to the Olympics that I didn’t put much thought into what I’d do when I wasdone. How does one step away from a sport that’s been their entire life?
Realizing I’ve been silent for a while, I cleared my throat. “I’m truly not sure what I’ll do,” I admitted. “I guess if I don’t make it to the Olympics, I’ll have to make a choice quicker than anticipated.” The words slipped past my lips, each one tinged with bitterness. Sharing my fears was the last thing I wanted to do, especially when I’d only barely voiced them to Erin.
“Hey.” A rough hand grabbed mine, gently pulling me to a stop. Mateo came around to face me. “Look at me.”
I tilted my head to do so, vulnerability clear on my face. The way he looked at me, it was like he knew what my inner voices were saying. Fear built up inside of me.
“Youaregoing to make it to the Olympics.” He said it with such certainty. “But even if you don't, that doesn’t make you less than. You’re not defined if you go or don’t. You’ll still be a badass.”
My throat tightened, and I blinked fast, fighting the sting behind my eyes. Erin and Marcy had said the words before, but when Mateo said them, something in my chest shifted. Like a hollow space I hadn’t known existed had finally been filled.
“You take it one moment at a time. And when the day comes you want to retire, you’ll figure out what you want to do. You’ll be amazing at whatever you choose. Even if that’s dressing dogs up and taking pictures or becoming a food influencer.”
I choked out a laugh. His thumb came up to brush my chin and the side of my jaw.
“Remember, you can only control what’s in front of you. As long as you step onto the ice and do the best you can, it’s a win.”
I was going to lose the battle of keeping my tears at bay. “Since when did you get so philosophical?”
“I wish I could take credit for that one, but my brother Wyatt says that to me every time I’m stressing.” Mateo gave a small shrug, a smile playing on his lips.
While his words didn’t completely get rid of my fears, they did ease the pressure behind my ribs.
