“Yes. I don’t understand it. So much has happened and there have been lies. Lots of lies... Am I stupid to forgive them?”
“Amelie, you could never be stupid! You’re the smartest person I know. Wouldn’t it be better to try and fail, than to have not tried at all?” I feel like he is talking about us and myheart catches in my chest. Will we ever get to a point where we never have to wonder what if, what if we tried, what if we both gave into whatever it was between us? I guess I will never know because I have four Knox brothers worming their way into my heart and I’m in too deep now to just run away.
“You’re right. I’m just so afraid to get hurt again.”
“You can’t live your life worrying about what might happen. Live in the moment. If Aadi and I have taught you anything, it’s that.”
“You have both taught me a lot of things, most of them illegal...no wonder I ended up here.” We both laugh. “I really am sorry about you and Sarah. You deserve to be happy. You’re the best person I know, Smalls. You deserve the world, and once upon a time I thought I could give you that, but life isn’t a fairytale. I still think your princess is out there waiting for you, you just have to find her.”
“I love you. I can’t wait to see you again.”
“I love you too. Now go back to bed and call me when you wake up if you need to talk.” We end the call and I make my way back into the kitchen where Kalen and Sawyer are tidying up.
“Is everything okay?” Sawyer asks and I nod.
“It’s complicated.”
“If you ever need to talk, I’m here,” he says. Kalen comes up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me into his body. Sawyer grabs his keys and says he is taking us back to campus before it gets too late, so I shower Mo-Mo with kisses and cuddles. I miss him. I wonder if I could sneak him back on campus? Hmm, I’ll have to speak to Kalen about that idea some other time.
We listen to the radio all the way back to campus – even Kalen manages to just sit in silence, messing around on his phone. Sawyer kisses me goodbye on my cheek and Kalen walks me all the way to my door, offering to stay and hold me. Idecline. If Kalen slept in my bed, he wouldn’t keep his hands to himself. He watches me slip into my room, switching on my light. I jump when I see Onyx lying on my bed looking up at me.
“I get jealous,” is the only explanation he gives. “You have history with that guy and he could give you a normal life. What can I offer?”
I close the distance between us, lying on the bed beside him, face to face.
“You silly, obnoxious, handsome, pain in my ass! Smalls and I have history, but we are just friends, and always will be. I would run to help him, as I would my father or my brother. And you have a lot to offer...I don’t know what it is yet, but I couldn’t imagine my life without you in it.”
“Once you’re ours...mine, I will never let you go, just know that. I have never done relationships because I’ll lose myself, I know I will, and that terrifies me. I was scared from the first day I met you. Just be sure that you want this too. We’re loyal, but we’re all broken and can’t be fixed.”
“I don’t want to fix you. I see you, Onyx, beyond all the cracks, beyond the darkness. Behind that mask you wear.”
Onyx pulls me into his arms, and my head rests against his chest. Moments like this with Onyx will not happen very often. He isn’t the type to open up, to bare his soul to someone, and it means a lot that he trusted me enough to do that, even if it’s just for tonight. Tomorrow he will be back to his standoffish self and if I’m being honest, I like the battle with him. He challenges me; out of all the Knox brothers, Onyx makes me want to be the best version of myself.
We fall asleep in each other's arms and for the first time since being here, I finally feel like I’m home. I may miss my family, but that’s okay, I’m allowed to miss them. This is where I belong. I can feel it in my bones.
Chapter Thirty
Amelie
Saturday mornings used to be for sleep-ins, but now they consist of freezing my ass off and running with Onyx. I don’t complain much, not since he started making sure I had my morning coffee waiting for me when I arrived. I missed it. Him. Us.
Jasper has been joining us for our early morning runs, much to Onyx’s disgust, and today is no different.
“I’m going to sleep for a couple of hours,” I tell Jasper, walking into my room when we’re done.
An envelope is on the floor, It must have been slid under the locked door. I reach down and pick it up. It isn’t addressed to me, just plain white, so I open it with caution. God knows what these assholes will do to pay me back now that I have security everywhere I go.
A slip of cardboard with the Celtic Knot printed on one side falls out. I flip it to see a very cryptic note on the reverse.
9pm. Edge of the woods. Wear a white rabbit costume.
Susan buzzes from my desk. I rarely message anyone since I manipulated my way into having my phone on campus, and because I know Monty traces my movements through her.
Kalen
Your outfit will be delivered today ; )
Ramped up knocking starts raining down on my door. I groan. It’s Saturday. Does no one here understand sleep-ins?
