“Sloppy I can do,” I say to Jasper with a wink as he falls in step with me to class. Jasper isn’t so bad to be around, he was mighty confused when I explained the dynamic of my relationship with the guys. He is a one woman man and doesn’t share.
Slate gives me his lopsided smile as I walk into class, which tells me he is very cocky about his song choice. Today is our Australian sing off class. It was supposed to be a couple of weeksback, but some of the students moaned that they needed more time to get to know their partnersandto research Australian music, and for once Miss Alba conceded and gave us all an extension. It’s the perfect opportunity for me to put my plan into action: to make Slate think I could be close to forgiving him.
Jasper takes his place in the corner of the room. Miss Alba has given up complaining about him and has accepted that he is now part of the furniture. Secretly, I think she likes having the eye candy around.
I have tried to find Baxter a few times to ask him when this nonsense will end, but he’s either avoiding me because he knows I don’t like it, or he isn’t actually on campus. Who knows. It’s not like I can ask the Knox brothers where he is or what he’s up to.
Miss Alba instructs the duet couples to sit together and calls us up one pair at a time to perform. We will be graded on these performances and the questionnaire on our partners from last lesson..
It’s funny, as people start singing, the room feels like home. Like I’m wrapped up in a nice fluffy blanket, Smalls and Aadi bickering about something unimportant, Dad and Chelsea always holding hands like they are an extension of each other. Instead of getting a pang for all that I’m missing though, I feel warm and nostalgic.
I take a peek at Slate; his whole demeanour is different when music is around, he seems free. Relaxed. Happy. I miss that side of him, being able to experience it alongside him.
“Wow, what an amazing lesson today has been! Last but not least, we have Amelie and Slate. Who would like to go first?”
“Ladies before gentlemen,” Slate offers. I smile at him and stand to take my place at the front of the class. Not everyone plays an instrument, so those of us who don’t were given the option to email Miss Alba and give her our song choice ahead of time so she could find the instrumental version. ‘Never BeThe Same’ byJessica Mauboystarts to play. I had to practice my timing, because with no voice prompt on when to jump in, I found it extremely hard to know when I had to start singing.
But I don’t miss my cue this time, coming in at the exact moment I need to, and gaining confidence within a couple of bars. Soon, I find myself lost in the song. Slate’s eyes are locked on mine and I hear some bitch gag. Ignoring her, I pour everything I have into the meaning of the song, but as quickly as it started, my song is over. I smirk at Slate, throwing him a silent ‘beat that’.
Miss Alba claps and calls on Slate to set up.
“We are about to run out of time, so our next duets will be…” She has a bag and holds it out to a guy sitting at the front. I want to say his name is Jacob, but I never pay that much attention to be sure. He pulls out a slip of paper and Miss Alba smiles.
“90’s duets,” he says.
Half the class grumbles in response, but I think it’s kinda cool. We could have some real fun with this...or, we would have, last term. I sigh, thinking that Slate will just choose something and we’ll work on it separately for most of the week, with a quick practice together before class. I miss working with him properly. Our connection – musically at least – is special.
Slate has set up two stools and has his guitar ready when he motions for me to join him. Jasper smirks from his corner and Slate gives him a death glare in return.
As soon as he starts to strum his guitar, I know his song is ‘Choose You’ byStan Walker. I totally got lost down the Aussie music rabbit hole when I was preparing for today. Stan Walker is hot and has an amazing voice. I may have watched every music video he has made to date.
Every lyric that leaves his mouth hits my heart, the look in his eyes when he says the words ‘love you’ takes my breath away.Everything the Knox brothers do is calculated, I learned that really fast. Is love just a game to them? What’s his angle here?
Yet, every time he sings ‘choose you’ my wall is chipped away slightly and I wonder if I’m strong enough to walk away or truly forgive him. Forgive all of them.
His guitar drops from his hands as soon as he has finished, crashing noisily to the floor. He stands and moves towards me, pulling me to my feet, the entire class watching on and fading around us simultaneously.
“Forgive me. I can’t stand waking up every day knowing you hate me. I fucked up and wouldn’t blame you if you told me to fuck off. You don’t have to answer now, but tonight, after the party, I’ll be waiting for you in the old library. You know the one. I can’t promise I’ll be perfect, but I’ll be perfect for you. Everything else we can figure out along the way.”
Nope. My heart is fucked. He turns and walks away before I can say anything and the bell rings so everyone piles out of the room, leaving me standing in place, speechless.
I consider pulling out of the party. I’m not strong enough to withstand declarations like that.
“Stop being a pussy! It’s clear he likes you and you like him. I just don’t see the problem,” Jasper says simply.
Over the last few weeks he has stopped being so uptight when I’m in my room. I hate the thought of him standing outside my door, so I’ve made him sit inside. The bonus is that if anyone is watching, it will piss them off. The threats seem to only be when I’m alone anyway. Having Jasper – and to a lesser degree Frost – around has been a nice break from the physical attacks. I mean,what kind of people still pull hair at our age? I don’t care how tough you are, that shit fucking hurts like a son of a bitch.
“Did you not hear what they did to her?” Elsie snaps. “How do you forgive that?”
Jasper and Elsie are constantly at each other's throats. It’s driving me crazy. I’m pretty sure they need to just kiss or fuck or something to clear the air. Especially since Elsie announced she swings both ways for the right dick. Is Jasper her temptation dick?
“Everyone fucks up, Elsie, and no one is perfect. You forgave Amelie for ditching you here without so much as a goodbye.”
“That is not the same at all,” she throws back.
With one last touch of eyeliner, I take a final look at myself in the mirror. I look pretty badass in my dark purple fine knit jumper dress and black boots. I’ve paired it with tights because one, I’m not going to be getting any anyway, and two, it’s still cold as fuck here. In fact, it’s getting colder. How the hell is that even possible? Elsie keeps harping on about wanting snow and doing a dance to make it happen. I’d punch her in the tit if I thought she had the power to actually bring it to fruition. Cold, wet, slushy ice everywhere making life a nightmare? No thank you.
Elsie starts gushing about finally getting a date with Marcia, even if I am a bit suspicious that Marcia is up to something. She’s never shown any interest in Elsie before now. I don’t even think she’s shown any interest in girls before. I don’t say anything to Elsie though, since she’s so excited.
