Her arms loosen from around me.She sits down at the counter and opens her book.Some foreign emotion curdles in my gut as I move around the kitchen.I pull two steaks from the refrigerator and pat them down with a paper towel.My fingers fumble with the seasonings, leaving a pile of salt scattered across the counter.My usual finesse is dulled, sloppy, like cuts from an unsharpened blade.
My knife slips through potatoes and carrots, creating grooves in the wooden cutting board beneath.
Thump, thump, thump.
Is that the sound of the knife or the furious beating of my heart?
Thump, thump, thump.
My eyes flick to the kitchen table.Fuck, why did I put out candles?
Women love candles, honey, Mom’s voice sings through my mind.They’re romantic.Oh, andwhen you have a date with a special girl, make sure you give her a little gift like flowers or chocolates.
Yes, that’s why.Women love candles.I wipe my hands down my pants and curse at the streaks of smeared potato starch marking the denim.What is wrong with me?What the fuck am I feeling right now?
Just remember, it’s normal to be nervous on your first date, Mom whispers in my head.Is that what this is?I’ve faced off against mobsters.Bombs have gone off mere feet from my body.I’ve been shot at by ten men at the same damn time.Through all of that, I never felt nervous.But here and now, with my woman in my kitchen, I’m drowning.
* * *
A trickle of butter dribbles from Ava’s mouth.I watch its descent down her lower lip before her tongue darts out to catch it.I imagine wiping it from her lips with my tongue and inwardly curse myself for not making her sit in my lap.My eyes roll up her face, tracing the delicate curve of her nose and the soft line of her cheekbones.
“Aren’t you going to eat?”she asks.
I nod, immediately popping a piece of steak into my mouth.She smiles around a mouthful of mashed potatoes and makes a sinful noise that has my dick hardening under the table.She stabs her fork into a piece of steak and brings it to her plush lips.They part around it and her eyes close as the meat touches her tongue.I never thought I’d be envious of a piece of cutlery, but as I watch her suck the juice from her fork, I would kill to be it.
“Tell me about what you're reading,” I say.
“What?”Her eyes pop open a little wider than normal.
“Tell me about what you’re reading for work this week.”
“You,” she hesitates, sucking her lip into her mouth, “you want to hear about my work?About the books?”
“Yeah, baby, I want to hear about the books.”I chuckle.
Ava launches into a story about a battle between two warring clans of werewolves.Pure joy sparkles in her irises as she tells me the story of fated mates torn apart by a centuries old feud.As she talks, I carry our dishes to the sink, watching her toes tap furiously under the table like she can’t contain her excitement.Her hands flail wildly around her as she describes the way a magical mate bond sparked to life inside the hearts of two warriors who met on the battlefield.
I place a plate of strawberry cheesecake in front of her and her eyes light up like a Christmas tree.She scoops a piece onto her spoon and dips it into her mouth.She lets out a sinful groan and shovels another spoonful between her lips.I watch her pink tongue pop out and lick the creamy cake from the spoon.A catalog begins to form in my mind of the gags I’ll buy her that will force her to keep that tongue out for as long as she wears one.I imagine the way she’ll beg when she’s only able to loosely form words.The way that her saliva will drip over her pouty lips as she whimpers in need.
“Gray?”Her voice parts the haze in my mind.
“Sorry, what did you say?”
“What is this?”she asks, her voice quivering.“This thing between us?”
“This is the beginning,” I say.
She huffs out a breath.“Of what?”
“Of us, of our life together.”
She lets her spoon drop to the plate.She watches it land with her eyebrows pulling together.
“I found you, little bird.I found the only person in this world that means something to me.”I grip the edge of my chair, feeling the wood splinter under my fingernails.“And I won’t let you go.I can’t let you go because I can’t fucking breathe without you.”
Her eyes rocket upward to meet mine, sparkling with unshed tears.
“After my mom died, after I became a killer, I wasn’t capable of love.I’m not built for it.But with you, everything is different.I’m different.”I swallow back the dryness in my mouth.My heartbeat pounds in my ears so loudly that I can barely hear myself speak.
“I love you, Ava.”
