Well. There it was. My stomach dropped.
“You just… say that like it’s nothing.”
“It’s not nothing. But I’m not about to lie to you. You asked for truth.”
He was right. So, I shut up. His jaw worked for a minute.
“I wouldn't join the Bratva, though. Not until?—”
“Until me,” I whispered.
Guilt surged through me. He must've seen it because he said “I don't regret it. I'd do it again. I'm just doing more of some of the things I did already. Maxim decided I needed to be more prepared for this particular calling. And I think he was concerned about how much you mean to me.”
I shivered, although I felt no cold. “What does that mean?”
His eyes, silver-gray and unreadable, peered into mine.
“It means he sent me to Siberia.”
My jaw dropped. “What?”
He shrugged. “Yeah. That's where I was this last year.”
“You telling me your brother shipped your ass to Siberia? Like how they threaten the Russian bad guys in movies?”
A ghost of a smile curved his mouth. “That’s pretty much what happened.”
“Why?”
“He wanted me to experience what some brigadiers do, but it had to be a crash course. He wanted me to prove myself, that I could handle shit, that I wasn't too distracted. Maxim believes you could make me reckless. He doesn't understand that because of you, I'm even more careful,” he explained softly.
“You… you didn't just leave me,” I whispered, the realization suddenly dawning on me.
“I wouldneverjust leave you,milaya,” he vowed.
I went still. His eyes, trained on me, were sincere. This man undid me so effortlessly.
“What happened there?” I asked abruptly, fighting my feelings.
Even though he was looking right at me, his gaze was suddenly somewhere far away.
“Cold. Fights. Training. Men trying to break me. Me showing them I didn't know how to break. Mines. Prison. Survival,” he rattled off. “And a lot of pain.”
Jesus. I thought of the new tattoos and the new scars on him. That experience had written itself on him in more ways than one. I swallowed. “So, he sent you away because of me?”
“Not because of you. Because of what you are to me. In our world, enemies don’t just use your weaknesses against you. They use your love. I showed Maxim how far I’d go to keep you safe. He wanted to see how far I’d go to get back to you.”
They use your love. That shouldnothave warmed me. It wasn’t the time.
But it did.
I hated myself a little.
“And when you came back?” I asked.
“You know that,milaya. I came back to my place in the family. To my father. To Maxim. To work.”
“To killing people?”
