A knife straight through my heart couldn't have hurt more than hearing that aching confession. “I know,milaya.” It was all I had.
It wasn't enough.
“I think I been grieving her by myself so long that I didn't allow her to be yours, too. That had to be terrible, coming back and finding out like that.”
She would never know how that had ripped my damn heart out, never know how I struggled to keep my hands off Maxim until a few days ago, never know the tears I had cried while my mama held me and wept, too. My job was to lighten my baby's load, not make her feel heavier. I pressed my face into her hair and closed my eyes. “I would’ve loved her so much,” I admitted roughly. “I would’ve worshipped that little girl. Any baby you give me,milaya... never doubt how much I’ll cherish it.”
She made a soft sound, halfway between a sob and a laugh.
“She probably would've been so spoiled,” she said quietly.
“Yeah, running all my shit with her mean little attitude, just like her mama.”
Theory let out another weak laugh, then finally turned to face me. I kissed her forehead and pulled the bedspread higher around us, cocooning us in.
“So, you ain’t gotta carry this alone no more. Not the grief or anger or the way it feels unfair. Not none of it. I’m here now, and I know that don’t erase what happened, but I’m here. I'm so sorry I wasn't. I'll be making that up to you forever,” I vowed, before kissing her softly.
Her fingers curled into my arm.
“Okay,” she whispered. “But Targen... what if we can't?” Fresh tears pooled in her honey eyes, even the thought distressing her.
“We can,” I said firmly.
“But—”
“Theory. Please understand that you with me is forever, baby or no baby. So, I'm not saying 'we can' because a baby is some kind of deal breaker. I'm saying it because I believe it. And because the way I love seeing that pretty little cream pie, it'll be damn near impossible for it not to happen.”
She wrinkled her nose at me, laughing despite her pain. “Just nasty for no reason.”
“Have you seen you? You're enough reason.”
Her laugh was stronger this time, a little more humor shining through.
“Seriously, we know we can conceive. And I know there are things to help you carry til term,milaya. And beyond that, there are just other ways. So, whenever,ifever you're ready, then itwillhappen.”
She curled into me and went quiet again, her breathing going from the shallow gasps of her crying to deep and even, so much so, I thought she was asleep until she spoke again.
“Targen?”
“Hmm?”
“I lied.”
“About?”
“The heating pad.”
“I figured.”
“The chocolate.”
“Expected.”
“The back rub.”
“I meant booty.”
She kissed her teeth as I chuckled before taking her mouth with mine.
