His character wraps his arm around mine. A window pops up on my screen, asking me if I’d like to push him away or cuddle closer. I cuddle closer.
DakkyDuck: Can I ask you something?
TheRealCreator: Anything.
DakkyDuck: Is there a reason you haven’t tried to see me in person?
TheRealCreator: Yes.
I wait with bated breath for his response.
TheRealCreator: I feel real.
I laugh in delight, surprised by this sudden emotional depth. In all the years of being aware of Jack, he’s seemed grumpy, distant, and sometimes cold. I never would’ve guessed there was all this humanity running beneath all that.
DakkyDuck: Do you feel realer here, in the game and over text, than in real life?
TheRealCreator: The way you ask that question makes me think you know exactly what I’m talking about.
DakkyDuck: Maybe. Me and my friend, Mara, we started playing this game on release. We had someone else, too. They had a big impact on us, on our attitude to the game. But they don’t play anymore.
TheRealCreator: That’s a shame.
I swallow a lump of emotion.
DakkyDuck: Yeah. It really is.
TheRealCreator: I’m sorry—and yes, beautiful. I feel realer here sometimes.
DakkyDuck: Why?
TheRealCreator: That’s complicated. And it makes me sound ungrateful.
DakkyDuck: If you can’t be honest here, in a cave in an impossible level, after we just made virtual love, when can you be?
His character chuckles beside mine. For a moment, it’s like we’re actually in bed together. Like I can feel his warm arms beside me.
TheRealCreator: I was a loner for most of my life. From when I was a kid to the age of thirteen, it was just me, my books, and my computer. My father worked away a lot, and my mother, God bless her, was trying to get her jewelry business off the ground. I liked being alone. Invisible. Then, at thirteen, I won a State science competition. When I came back to the school, I was being… seen. Noticed. Not in a bad way. But I hated it. I hated people having ideas about who I was then. That there was an image of me in their minds. So, for two years, I failed science on purpose.
I stare at his message in complete shock, sympathy hot on its tail. Of all the images and ideas of Jack in the public eye, I’ve never evenheardof this side of him. He always seems so confident, so in control.
DakkyDuck: I want to say you should’ve been proud. Because you deserved to be. But being a kid is tough. All I can say is: I’m sorry you had a hard time, Jack. Really, genuinely sorry.
TheRealCreator: Thank you.
DakkyDuck: You said you failed on purpose for two years. What happened after that?
TheRealCreator: My dad stopped working away. He was furious when he found out I was failing. And even more furious when he found out the reason. After that, there wasn’t much of a choice. It was either submit my actual work or face his wrath.
DakkyDuck: It’s hard, not wanting to be seen. I tried to stream so, so, SO many times before I finally took the plunge. Even now, people are surprised when I tell them I still get nervous.
TheRealCreator: Are they?
DakkyDuck: Does that surprise you?
TheRealCreator: The first moment I saw you, you reminded me of me. Outwardly confident, taking no crap, but inside, there’s still a scared little kid.
I swallow.
