Skyler shakes his head. “No, I am. I was.”Until two people pointed out to me all the ways in which I was an asshole.“But I have to tell you how sorry I am.”
“You already did that when we got here, and so many other times.”
He shakes his head again, trying to clear it of his own self-conscience that’s furiously berating him in order to articulate what he needs to say. “Not about the Grammys. Just listen, please. When I used to change lyrics during shows, I know you thought I was doing it as a way of acting out against management. And that was part of it, but also…”
He double checks that no one is around listening, then lowers his voice to practically a whisper anyway. “Also, I loved you so much I didn’t know what to do with myself. I wanted to be able to show you all the time. And I never thought of it as me trying to out you, but I don’t know, maybe subconsciously that could’ve been a part of it too, and I’m so sorry. I would have never done that to you on purpose, you have to believe me, I—”
“Baby, stop,” Trevor cuts off his rambling, wrapping his fingers around Skyler’s forearm. And that’s. That’s probably the most he’s touched Skyler in public since they got back together. “How many times do I have to say you don’t need to apologize to me for things you did when we were young? If you keep doing it, then I’ll have to do it too, because god knowsIhave plenty to apologize for. But I’d rather move forward.”
Skyler can’t help it, his eyes drift down to where Trevor is holding him. When Trevor realizes what he’s doing, he lets go, and Skyler sighs, disappointed at the loss. He wants to accept what Trevor’s saying, but there’s still the other thing. The absolutely horrible thing he did without even realizing it because he was such a mess.
“Okay, I hear you. But you have to let me apologize for one more thing.”
Trevor eyes him wearily. “What is it?”
“Your phone.”
For a moment, Trevor’s eyes are blank. And then they flash with pain.
“Why didn’t you tell me about your mom’s voicemail?” Skyler presses, voice rising a bit at the end in his distress. “Not that you had it originally, because I get why you’d want to keep it for yourself and not share it with me. But why didn’t you tell me after I’d made you lose something so important to you?”
Trevor’s lips part. His eyes dart from Skyler to the people around them and back. Then he says, “Come on, follow me.”
When he turns and strides away, Skyler does what he says without question. He’d probably follow Trevor off a cliff if he asked him to. Which should be ridiculous and scary, but he’s not scared. Because Trevor is…
Skyler trusts him. With everything. And fuck, how could Trevor trusthimafter all the dumb shit he’s done?
He’s managed to work himself up even more by the time Trevor comes to a stop, and he has to steady himself with a hand on Trevor’s shoulder so he doesn’t walk right into him. They’re in the smaller, empty room that Oli brought them to earlier.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asks again. “Obviously you didn’t tell me when it happened because everything spiraled from there. But why not now?”
“Because I knew it would kill you if you found out,” Trevor says. “I knew you wouldn’t forgive yourself.”
“I don’t! I can’t believe I did that to you.”
Trevor takes his hand, lacing their fingers together. “Baby, you didn’t know about it. You didn’t do it on purpose.”
“But it’s still my fault,” he argues. “If I wasn’t such a drunken disaster—”
“Hey.” Trevor reaches up with his free hand to run his fingers gently through Skyler’s hair, managing not to tangle in the curls. “Calm down for me, okay, baby? Can you do that?”
Skyler nods, not entirely sure he can, but Trevor’s calling him baby again, and that does something to him. Makes him want to deserve the gentle affection Trevor offers up so easily.
And then Trevor places his hand firmly around the nape of his neck and time stops. Everything settles inside him.
“It was actually fine,” Trevor tells him. “When I got a new phone, I was able to access the saved voicemail. Which I should have known, but in the moment, I panicked. That’s why I left that night. It wasn’t the song you’d written when you were angry. I was really hurt by that, yeah, but I knew you didn’t mean it. Maybe we still could have worked things out if I hadn’t been so distraught over a voicemail.”
“It’s not just a voicemail. It’s yourmom.” And shit, Skyler’s so relieved to hear it wasn’t lost.
“I know. But I never should have left you like that. The way things ended, it’s not all on you. And I’ve spent a lot of time being miserable, living in thepast. Getting you back has made me happy in a way I never thought I could be again. So I want us to both say we’ve learned from the mistakes we’ve made and start truly moving forward. Okay?”
“Okay,” Skyler agrees. The guilt still sits there in the pit of his stomach. But he thinks the only way he can ease it is to do better now—to finally be the man Trevor deserves.
To be worthy of the sun.
“Okay,” Trevor repeats. When he smiles at Skyler, Skyler’s powerless not to smile back. And when Trevor leans in for a quick kiss, well…
Skyler holds on to him tightly, refuses to let him pull away. Soon they’re breathing heavy and groping each other over their nice clothes.
